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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by liberi__fatali, Dec 21, 2008.

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  1. i wasnt sure if i wanted to say anything in here, its that voice in my head saying people dont know you, they wont care. but that would defeat the object of the forum, wouldnt it? i was surprised how easily it gave in, it seems even the crazy can see reason. im not gonna go into my problems and my issues and my emotional turmoil.

    i love to write, fantasy stuff mostly, description based narratives in made up worlds, so i can escape. for the most part, im really quite good with words, but i have no idea how to put my mind into sentences so i can talk about it. so i wont try. not now.

    the point is, i believe in God and i want to believe in Heaven, this also means im open to the idea of Hell. aside from the fact we live in a very scientific world, it seems to vast for there not to be something more to it. the only reason i havent tried to 'off myself' is purely because i dont want to get on his bad side. but i am so so close to not caring anymore, even forsaking my values and beliefs.

    im not religious, not by any means, i despise organised religion, but i do want to believe that there is something more for me after i die. i cant be in this place anymore, i am slowly, without doubt, going crazy. that nagging little voice in my head is starting to become my first voice, its starting to be the voice behind my decisions, and im now seriously considering my options. i have never intended to live past 60, anyway, but that number slowly declines, i dont want to hit 23. im tired. thats all. im tired of fighting it.

    i dont even hate myself, you know, its ******g annoying, im a good person, im interesting, open minded, funny. im british ;) im not arrogant or cocky or over confident, im generally a nice guy. but my GOD i hate my life, i hate most of my friends, i hate most of the people i work with and know, theres just nothing good in my life at all. ive no motivation, no inspiration, no forward motion at all. im sick of it. sorry for the life story, i got carried away. guess it helps to vent though, no?x
  2. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Sorry you have been feeling so low liberi. :hug: I don't really have any words of wisdom for ya, except that, maybe you will find people on here who can relate.
  3. yeah, i can hope :p. its obscurity that scares me, but i wanna disappear into it and be forgotten.
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