so...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by KittyGirl, Mar 13, 2010.

  1. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    An old friend dropped by today to give me a pretty awesome gift for my 22nd birthday (which is in a couple of weeks, I guess...)
    He originally wanted to stay and hang out since the last time we did was-ohh-say, 2 years ago?

    I stayed up all night because I was nervous about having someone over.
    I don't do too well around people whom I'm not already with every day...
    I stayed up well past 6am, and finally went to sleep after.
    I woke up to the doorbell ringing and started freaking out!!
    I was still braless- hadn't washed my hair or face; looked like shit- and was half asleep... and there was Cam, at the door with a Mac Lampshade for me.
    shit...
    I'm not a very good host, am I?
    He was planning to hang out today but left after putting the computer in my room- in the spot I'd cleared out for it.
    He felt bad that I hadn't slept... but I think my plan all along was to kinda... push him out.

    I'm sorry, Cam. you're a good friend and I'm a jerk...
    happy fucking birthday to me, eh?
    ><
     
  2. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member

    It can be hard meeting people you're not comfortable with. The anxiety can be too much at times, but its a necessary hurdle if you want to get closer with people. Friends like Cam are really gems because they come to you in your darkest hours. When other people just don't even bother. Cam sounds like a good friend. Make the effort to see him. Anxiety goes, it always does.
     
  3. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I used to be more comfortable around guys-- which is why nearly all of the friends I'd made through highschool and college are guys; but having lost my confidence and the security I felt in... not being single... I'm not comfortable around any of m old friends at all.
    I can't joke around with them without feeling really awkward, and things they used to say and I'd laugh at- now hurt my feelings alot.

    Although I'm also having problems with trying to relate to my girlfriends--- guys are the toughest, I think.
    Especially since I can't help but feel like anything they do is just to get into my pants... is that paranoia, or life? o___0
     
  4. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    college age - probably not paranoia so much

    do you any idea why you aren't so comfortable anymore?
     
  5. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I was a tomboy growing up, and became more feminine once my ex and I started out together. We were together for almost 8 years-- so I was just very used to the fact that I was taken... and I guess I felt like it was some form of security blanket.

    I'm single now- and feel...kinda... just really uneasy around my guy friends.
    -__- I know how they think.
    We have had the sexual conquest talks before... so I guess I feel kind of vulnerable or something.
    ...kinda like I need to wear a metal chastity belt to keep myself from being jumped?
    XD

    I'm nearly 22-- most of my friends have just finished college (the friends my age)
    Most of my 'friends' are in their late 20's though.
     
  6. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i'm not sure about the being taken part - but obviously once you "discovered" sex, you haven't been able to look at your old male friends without adding it to the equation

    i think you need to remember that you don't need to be anyone's "conquest"

    ultimately you should be the one to decide if you want to take things that far

    i think most (not all) guys that age aren't looking for Ms. Right - just Ms. Right-Now

    things will never go back to where they were, but i think you should be able to at least be comfortable again

    (of course i'm just an old man - so take it for what it's worth)

    :hug:
     
  7. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member

    Being a 22 year old guy myself my first reaction to what Wastingecho said about us guys searching for Ms Right Now as opposed to Ms Right was a tad bit hostile.....

    you know what though, i could probably tell myself that I'm not about sex or touching or any of that jazz. But I think I've just been lying to myself. Basicallyy just wanting to make myself feel like a cut above the rest. The truth is I do find myself thinking about sex. It just sort of creeps up on me. I guess guys my age just have raging hormones. We've really just got one track minds at this age besides maybe sports and vid games lol.

    I think you're right about being careful around guys. The guys I've met who are open about their sexual "conquests" appear quite respectable and likable around girls. Its like they're working magic sometimes, its scary. Guess you just can't judge a book by its cover.

    Stay safe!
     
  8. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    lol, I know... and thanks, really.

    I've been around guys as a 'guy' for long enough to know how they generally think. I think from now on I'll try to make more female friends just to keep myself out of those awkward little predicaments.
    I had a friend tell me last weekend that the only reason he never made a move on me was because the guy I was going out with for so long could and WOULD kick his ass... since that obstacle is gone, I'm going to keep my distance soas not to give anyone the wrong idea.
     
  9. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Hey, sorry to get all up in your threads, but you really seem like a cool girl. I do the same thing around people I am not with everyday and anxiety will keep me up sooooo late when I anticipate the person coming or seeing them. I hate it because then I totally look like sh**. Insomnia is probably my biggest problem now. It is mostly caused by anxiety. Plus, I am a little addicted to benzos (mainly ativan), so when I don't take them, I get a little freaked out.