Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Matt93, Oct 25, 2010.

  1. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    I've thought rather long and hard about this, and just can't seem to find an explanation as to why my head is so FUCKED UP.

    Seriously, MPD? 16 years of having no signs of MPD and it just randomly pops outta nowhere. What the fuck?

    Sometimes, I gotta wonder, why do I even bother fighting to keep going. Everyone tells me constantly that everything will get better, but fuck, look at me. Bipolar, then, MPD? To be rather honest, it just seems like it's getting worse.

    The urges to SH are stronger than ever. Even stronger than the last time I gave in, I just don't know why I bother with fighting it any more.

    I mean yeah there's people out there who care about me, but as I said before to someone, I'm just a pawn to the world.

    I'm here to be used by people, so that they can get what they want from me, then just leave me to die in a gutter. So why should I keep on fighting? Hmm, so that people can just use me? I think not. I'm sick of fighting. Fuck you, fuck the world, fuck the people who don't care. Thank you the very very few that do care, but fuck the world, cause I'm fucking sick of it.
  2. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    I wish you were here with me right now. You know I'll never hurt you. Or use you. I just wanna hold you close now and I wish I could make it so that you don't feel any pain.

  3. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    I know you wouldn't. Others will though. Together, there's so much that we can do. Attain both our dreams, if we may. And never forget that together we're invincible. I'm going to fight, though I don't know what I'm fighting right now, so that I may see you tomorrow, and spend the night with you, if we may. Then I'll fight through Wednesday, so that when Thursday comes, I'll see you again, and be able to spend the night with you again. And I will continue to fight, even if I don't what I'm fighting, just to come to the days where I can see you.