what am i meant to do? why am i fixated on sui rightnow? tonight am drinking, not smart, doesn't help. Logically I know this. but its been a tough week, bad news and I just want to escape - even just for one night. i've been doing good. but right now, an escape sounds good to me. this is my worry, at what point will i do something when not thinking clearly? really i know theres only one person who it will affect and she won't be here much longer. so what difference does it make? So sad, just so damn sad. Over it all.