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what am i meant to do?

why am i fixated on sui rightnow?

tonight am drinking, not smart, doesn't help. Logically I know this.

but its been a tough week, bad news and I just want to escape - even just for one night. i've been doing good.

but right now, an escape sounds good to me. this is my worry, at what point will i do something when not thinking clearly?

really i know theres only one person who it will affect and she won't be here much longer.

so what difference does it make?

So sad, just so damn sad. Over it all.


Well-Known Member
think about it - do you really want to? it may seem like it would only affect one person but there are always a web of people behind the obvious ones we think we will hurt if we leave. sui can seem like a good idea, but in reality, there's always something you can do, or someone else can do, that will help you feel that life is worth living. so hold out for it :hug: it'll be worth it x
This is the worst day in a long while but I can't do anything about thoughts as someone needs me here to take care of them.

On top of it all it appears I've alienated a friend who is dear to my heart.

I give up, I believe others are better off without me.

I hope you doing okay, too, Kali?

Thanks for checking in.


Banned Member
sweetie, i see so much hope for you but at the moment it is so difficult to type.

i'm glad you are holding on, even if it is to care for someone.

i don't think people are better off without you, quite the contrary, i notice you have so much...so much to give, so much to share, a lot of healing left to go through too.

perhaps your friend will come around, perhaps they will find understanding of what you are going through.

If I could scream right now, I would.

I'm angry and sad.

They say anger is fear realized.

I am fearful.

But why do I open myself up to people, when this is what happens?

Am I that deeply messed up that I can't keep a basic friendship anymore, nevermind anything else?

Can I blame my situation? Hmmm, perhaps.

Maybe thats the easy way out.

So yeah, I'm angry.

About all of this.

About giving up future dreams.

About having to play this role that I was unprepared for.

And people say I am sooooooo empathetic. Ha!

What a fool am I to be manipulated so easily.

Who fucking cares? Who cares?

I'll mind and watch and help until they pass.

Then what shall I do?

Can I sit every day in tears as I do right now?

Feeling lost & lonely & forgotten about?

Then what shall I do?

Disappear, perhaps that is the answer.
No, not going anywhere until this is all over.

Then I'll consider options.

Not sure how I'll continue.

But I probably will, somehow.

No courage to end it, so its all talk.

Stupid, stupid, stupid - nothing new.

But the thoughts are there.

And when those you thought were there for you, aren't, well - whats the point?

The wish is there for all of this to go away.


Well-Known Member
It sounds very hard right now. I can relate to some of what You sorted about telling people things and it driving them away. I never learn to stop doing that.

I hope you can stick with us as i've seen you help others on here.


Well-Known Member
do anything you want just as long as it is something not permanent like suicide.

hey, we all know alcohol could be comforting. wrong but comforting so it's okay to drink just know when to stop


Well-Known Member
Alcohol is a depressant. It just makes you worse. Stay away from it. It feeds your problems and will make them much worse. Don't take even a drop.
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