Social anxiety, shyness or 'a stupid tendency to screw up in communication'?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by expressive_child, Jul 21, 2007.

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  1. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member

    I am not even sure what to call this, but I guess I can generalize it as a form of 'social problem' or maybe 'social screw up' or something like that. I remember I used to be extremely antisocial because I was simply uncomfortable being with people especially in a crowd or a large group of people. I feel more comfortable being with a small group (preferably not more than 3 including me) and engage in intimate personal conversations instead of just chatting about the latest music or movies, or even about current issues, I mean most of the things people usually talk about when they are together. I can talk about these things but I find it hard to enjoy doing it for too long.

    Sometimes I try to talk, try to be like others, but then I sometimes get bored and feeling so restrained, like I am not being myself and I hate that feeling. I realize I not only find it hard to socialize like other people I know, maybe its because I am not like that yet sometimes I can actually stand out and make the talk interesting out of surprise coz I can be extremely sarcastic at times and just when people think I will continue to make things fun, I can change suddenly and became so quiet and everyone will start seeing me as crazy or something. I find it hard to avoid from giving people the impression that I am some kind of psychopath because of the way I can change suddenly, one moment I am talking non stop and the next minute, I hardly say a word but 'yeah yeah' and 'ok ok'.

    I admit I am afraid to speak out at times out of my fear to say things that I shouldn't and make someone mad or something. But there are times, I am able to overcome this fear and just spit out whatever I feel like saying and due to my impulsivity, I tend to screw up as always and I will get very depressed if it turns out to be real - that I have pissed someone off so bad that he/she will completely stop talking to me without me knowing what did I do. And I hate to even say it happened many times. Though I try to convince myself this fear is unreal, but then I can't deny it when people totally stop talking to me for something I said wrongly. So this fear is like so real, and one of the millions of reasons I despise myself so much.

    I sound a little and just a little more 'normal' in writing but I guess it does not change the fact that I still screw up in everything in different ways. I am sure you all know I have said a thing or two that sounds annoying or maybe fake or simply stupid. I wish I can give a better reason than a lame excuse like my tendency to screw up. I didn't get to socialize much in the past coz of my traumatic experiences but again, I know that is not a good excuse at all to make others mad all the time. Another weakness of mine is, when it comes to writing, I find it hard to keep things summarized and to the point and I tend to go on and on unnecessarily.

    I wonder, if I can ever change this. I know I must but I guess its one of the many things about myself that requires me to change yet its always easier to say I want to do it than doing it for real. One of the reasons that often drive me to think that I was never meant for this world, and yeah, I guess its no surprise to dive deeper into suicidal thoughts, I don't know how to put it; either I was never meant for this world or this world was never meant for me? Either way I look at it, its making lesser difference each day as I am going through the motions everyday..
  2. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member

    Ok, I guess I already screwed up (again) by asking a dumb question such as this. Damn!
  3. Royfokker

    Royfokker Member

    I have many of the same problems that you described. I do not like large groups, especially composed of people I do not know and trust. The people who tend to like socializing in large strange groups are less genuine and mimic so that their personality matches the group. I realize one of my biggest problems in life is not making the best of the situations I am in. Maybe those people talking in large groups do not particularly like such groups but they talk to someone just to pass the time and make the best out of the situation that they are in, instead of being alone and convincing them how bad the situation of the large group is.

    For the writing problem:
    From the book The Underground History of American Education.

    You will do good and to learn to write better using a method similar to Benjamin Franklin's. Take a great writer like Dostoevsky read a page of his work, put down the book. Then try to to imitate his style of writing as best you can from memory. Then read over what you wrote and try again till you improve.
  4. Freddy

    Freddy Guest

    Even going through cognitive therapy I still have problems communicating. At times I cant bring myself to speak up even. I'm often afraid to ask questions as well. When I was a kid my teachers thought I might be deaf or something and made me go for hearing tests. I'm a really social phobic and timid person.
  5. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member

    Dear Royfokker,

    Thanks for your reply. I guess I got to learn so much more about communication though I know I am not the only one who's got this problem, I do know it is something I must change or else I will keep screwing up and giving people the wrong idea all the time. It sucks a lot! Never thought Benjamain Franklin once had this problem too. Well, I hope you are able to improve in this cos I really wanna! Thanks again pal..
  6. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member

    So far, I haven't go for any kind of therapy yet. I have taken only some meds for depression but I have quit long ago. I realize they aren't helping me cos I realize what I need is someone to love and one who love me just as much. I realize it can change so many things. How are you coping with your social problems right now? Are you still going for therapy? Is there someone you can rely on about this?
  7. Freddy

    Freddy Guest

    I'm getting some therapy right now from a counsoler. But I feel I still have a long way to go. I'm still afraid to speak up at times or to ask questions.
    Yeah I understand about having someone to love you or to love someone. Its tough when you dont get that support from others. I feel often neglected and alone because I dont the emotional support from home. I have few options to turn too when I feel down or need of help.
  8. Blacksheep

    Blacksheep Well-Known Member

    i have the same problem. when i was in school, i was a social reject. i had a very few friends and they had no trouble reminding me that the only reason we were still friends is because that we had met at a young age.
    my classmates were very harsh to me. they would boo me when i gave a presentation, pick me last for gym even if it was a sport i was good at, put "kick me" signs on my back, knock down my books, ostracize me, steal my food, steal my supplies and the list goes on. so naturally i thougth i was doing something wrong, you know, acting in a way or saying something to make them treat me this way. well it turns out it was just because i was one of like...3 colored kids at that school. although i was never called a "spic" or a "beaner", i was told years later after i moved that it was racial. bastards.
    but even though i know that it wasnt a fault of my own, i still think that no matter what i say or what i do im going to embarrass myself. so i keep myself from social situations for fear of making a complete fool of myself. i cant even apply for a job. im afraid that they will tell me to go be a janitor somewhere.
    hell, i feel like someone is gonna call me a noob for posting this for gods sake.
  9. Isa

    Isa Well-Known Member

    I have social anxiety disorder. Its a disorder. Wikipedia it.
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