Hi, I don't know how long I've really been socially anxious since I've always at least had some friends and I've never been mute but I'm pretty sure I have social anxiety. I'm really lonely but I have a hard time sometimes getting out and meeting people mostly I imagine because I have depression and lack energy to get out and meet people but it's because I hate it as well. I've really had problems with this with girls. I've dated and had relationships with girls but not as many as I'd like or as many as most of my male friends. I've always had male friends but never enough female friends and I personally like women better. I hate making small talk and initially meeting people, I like talking about things of substance if you know what I mean. But I get really anxious and avoidant in social situations so sometimes I avoid going out with friends or going to parties, etc because I feel socially anxious even though I know I might actually enjoy myself for the most part but I end up isolating myself at times and I hate myself for it. Sometimes when I'm talking to people I feel hot and sometimes I think I blush and just glow red, forget what I'm saying, stutter,etc, especially if I'm doing public speaking or speaking in front of other people. I've been seeing therapists on and off for the last five years and I've been on anti-depressants but honestly I get cynical over the "help" I get because things haven't improved very much. I'm much better socially than I was not too long ago but I'm not happy. I'm lonely but old habits die hard so it is hard to change. Any advice?