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'social isolation.'

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by plates, Apr 14, 2010.

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  1. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Is it possible to be a very warm, approachable, friendly person, enjoy your company loads, and not want to socialise? I'm not depressed. I'm the most happiest, and confident I've ever been.

    I always had trouble with mental health providers throwing round words like "social isolation," because it assumes that isolation is harmful, and 'society' in general, is given the magic wand for that person's healing, rather than that person saying, "No, that's not for me, thanks. I enjoy my own company, have a lot of meaningful contact with others all the time because I'm not depressed/disconnected anymore and if I'm suicidal it's not because I'm 'socially isolated.' It's because of other reasons. Being alone doesn't necessarily mean being unhappy or lonely."

    Any thoughts?
  2. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    as long as you are having meaningful contact, i'm not sure i see a problem
  3. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I'd have to agree.

    If you were having zero contact, would you see that as something to be worried about?

    Lately I am finding my own company more and more appealing but I'd be lying if I said I didn't need, want and crave the company of others. I have my mum and brother around but if I lived by myself and spoke to nobody, would I feel the same way... doubtful.
  4. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Do you mean you mean if you lived by yourself you would or wouldn't want to be around your mum and brother?

    Thanks for your replies. It's unlikely I'd have zero contact, seeing as I like to talk to people, even if it's the smallest of things, and am out a lot. If I were having zero contact for recovery reasons, it wouldn't be a problem, no. It'd be a reaction to being overly stressed, or unwell. I pretty much define contact with how connected/grounded I am, because if I'm not fully grounded/feeling well, I could be around many people and be absent at the same time.
  5. Theseus

    Theseus Guest

    It is. I do it often and have my reasons for doing so.

    I'm not sure it works out well in the end, from personal experience. Humans are social beings. A degree of social and emotional attachment is required for one's well being. I am quite approachable and friendly but have severe avoidant attachment issues. It is a cause of great stress for me and has affected my personal life and my work.
    You can try isolating yourself and leading a solitary life, but I don't think it'd work out very well.
  6. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I have avoidant attachment issues going on for me too! I understand social isolation in that context yes, it's hellish. I'm much better now though.

    I don't live an isolated - maybe solitary life, that's what people think but I don't. I don't feel socially isolated.
  7. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    When i am not depressed, your description fits me.
    I have no social anxiety. Can give a speech in front of a zillion ppl with no anxiety and totally at ease. i much prefer my alone...especially outside.

    Certain ppl i don't mind hang out a bit...i can spend all day with someone outside, say no more than 2 sentences between us, and at the end of the day claim i had the most wonderful time with that person.

    i like silence. i like alone.

    I think it is ok. I have a neat article somewhere you might enjoy. Actually 4thderivative, a user here, has it. if u pm me i'll hunt it down for you (i need the reminder).

    i am not depressed due to chosen isolation. i am depressed for other reasons.
  8. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your reply Kali. I'd be interested in that article you mentioned.

    I used to have social anxiety, but I don't anymore. If I had social anxiety then social isolation would mean something else, it'd mean fear, persecution, no self belief , all of which has improved for me.

    What you said about being comfortable with someone in silence is rare and precious. Appreciating someone in that way can be more than a ton of meaningless words and actions to fill up time, especially if they are insincere and posing out of anxiety, obligation, duty or whatever.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 14, 2010
  9. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    If I were to be completely and hundred percent honest, this does worry me. I know what the avoidant attachment thing does...and it's just- I can get myself into severe panic attacks/near death cos of it. But haven't for ages. Does this mean I'm more securely attached to something? :dunno:
  10. suicider628

    suicider628 Well-Known Member

    fuck! teach me how to be happy in social isolation? very depress here, lack of social skills.
  11. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    :D I can't say last year I was thrilled having my ex drift away from me and being my own nurse in my own "hospital" when I was so physically weak, but it was needed for my recovery.

    Are you depressed because your lack of social skills, as you see it, or for other reasons? What would you say are good social skills and where would you like to be with all that? I mean, you seem pretty fine talking to me here, and from what I've experienced, many people who seem 'socially confident' are good at putting on a show, intentionally or unintentionally because of their own isolation and they might not be very happy people. I'm not saying everybody! but a fair few.
  12. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    Hey there-

    FourthD sent me the article link; http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/

    It's about introverts, of which i am. 100% according to every hokey test i've ever taken. The focus of my life's work is by choice people, but in my personal life i prefer my silence and solitude.

    i find other ppl's descriptions of me rather interesting. I recently had someone comment to a close friend of mine, how they admire and wish they could be as friendly and outgoing as myself. I get that from ppl all the time. I am NOT outgoing nor am i friendly. I intentionally keep ppl at a certain distance...this allows me to only commit my heart consciously and by choice, and limits my connections (which i don't wish to get into why). As much as i love ppl, i do not wish to be around them. In social settings when someone seems awkward, struggling, or having a difficult time, i tend to pull them out...get them talking, which is against my natural inclinations. Then i scoot them on their way, hopefully a bit more self-assured. :)
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 15, 2010
  13. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the link Kali. I scrolled through some of it, and read the first paragraph, (which I disagreed with as I'm nothing like that) before my computer froze on me twice, I'll check back later and read it properly soon.

    I personally have trouble with Jung personality typing, I've had people with social anxiety, difficulty with people and themselves, see me as a Personality Type only because...it's easier to categorise people that way and I hate being categorised. The only thing I agree with is that I can only take so much of stimuli and then that's it. I have a tendency to get very stressed and go manic.

    Silence can be healing and comforting, or it can be the most destructive thing around when people aren't talking properly and saying absolutely nothing. 'Introverts' can do that too, I mean have you seen personality type message boards? They annoy me as Jung was only one psychologist among how many?! And people take a butcher's knife to their characters of all things which is precious to make them feel like they belong somewhere or for career advisors to feel like they are being humanistic or whatever...to me, it hinders personal growth and insight.

    Anyway, extroverted people, as far as I can see...gain a lot from people around. Maybe I can be like this? Because I love being around people in small doses, take everything from every interaction I have with them (I write/do collage a lot so it comes into what I do)- but in a group I'm pretty much sitting in the background looking after everything/everybody around me and seeing what they're doing.. :rolleyes: :mellow:
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 15, 2010
  14. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I have been total isolated for 21 years..I very rarely talk to my sister who I live with..I learned along time ago that I am happy being alone..My "T" is trying to get me to be more social but I don't think I want to.. I have major trust issues with other people..Been hurt one too many times..Don't get me wrong some days I am really lonely but that only lasts for a little while.. I'm 53 and at an age where isolation doesn't bother me..
  15. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    :smile: I have major trust issues too and hurt a lot. I know what you mean about the loneliness- when I think about it, desperate loneliness happens when I'm depressed/suicidal. Not when I'm okay. You sound like someone I'd get along with- two people who likes their alone time- wonder how that'd turn out! What kind of things do you like doing?
  16. gakky1

    gakky1 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the thread and for the replies,:rolleyes: you summed me up fairly well too. I'm fairly isolated out of work, everyone I ever see says that's my problem though I'm unsure about that,:sad: your last sentence hit the nail on the head.
  17. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Hello, thanks for your reply :wink:

    What is it about the people around you that makes you feel alone?
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 20, 2010
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