social misfit needs opinions

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Insignificant, Dec 27, 2006.

  1. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    well, some of this i've mentioned in the past but last nite while i was at work something dawned on me. i mean really dawned on me.

    i know as a kid i didn't have a lot of friends. when it came to playing on the playground i was always alone. then again i didn't feel like i could relate to anyone after all i was pretty sure not everyone had been through the trauma that i had been through and was continuing to go through.

    when i was young i was never allowed to speak so needless to say between that and the trauma i was going through but never allowed to talk about i became a social misfit. i still feel this way today. i have the hardest time relating to people. i have tried to fit in but i just can't do it. i know here at sf more people can relate but who wants to talk about shit all the time. i can't relate to anything else. besides that i don't want to talk shit all the time.

    i guess what i'm wondering is i have been working on trying to be more sociable for about eight yrs now but i really don't feel like i'm getting anywhere. my past has me hung up. are there any suggestions on how i might move past this? because honestly this will be the death of me without a doubt can i not figure this out.

    so if you don't mind passing any suggestions along i really would appreciate it. i'm sure it sounds stupid and corny but i'm really tired of being alone and unable to do this. i feel like i am a sociable person at heart but i just can't seem to manage anymore. thanx for your imput and take care.
     
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    For all the times we have spoken hun, I cannot say I would view you as someone that is unable to socialize. At least not in the situations we have discussed. Could it be more about the way you see yourself than the way you are viewed by others. Just throwing that out at you to chew on. You have a good sense of humor and can talk about almost anything. You are not afraid to make contacts when they need to be done. You have mentioned that you are a good sales person. That takes the ability to socialize and communicate. I know it is different, but the skills are evident to me. I am always here for you to bounce things off of if you want to. Take care hun. Thinking of you. :hug:
     
  3. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    thanx gentlelady.. i feel like it is even a hinderance when we speak. i feel this all the time. i feel so much pressure to speak as well. i can't stand it. it so hard for me to just sit down and have a talk with someone. you know like ask the questions or things to say. i can't even begin to tell you just how hard that is for me. when i hang up the phone there are times when there are things i would have rather said or questions i would have liked to ask, but the moment is gone and there is no recapturing it.

    i do totally feel like a misfit. i think now i just talk to much and maybe about nothing at all. there are times when i feel like it would be better to allow someone else to talk and find i can't shut this dumb ass mouth up. i'm getting extremely pissed at myself now. i'm gonna take a break.
     
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You don't need to feel that way. And as for not saying things or thinking of them after you hang up, I think we all do that. I can think of so many things I want to say or should have said, but when the opportunity is there I just can't or don't. Don't get angry with yourself over it. And you don't talk too much. :hug:
     
  5. yeahmayb

    yeahmayb Antiquitie's Friend

    Hon, don't get down on yourself. Myself, and my partner and many here, have both went through what your going through for a long time. We were taught the opposite of what we should have been taught as children. We were taught to "shut up, speak briefly when spoken to, and whatever you do, don't tell the truth about...." On some aspects, all you can do is challenge yourself to grow beyond the past, grasp it and use it to make the life ahead of you better than the past. You may find, that a few, long term friends, are what works best, rather than being a social butterfly. Just start on small terms, and see where you are comfortable. I don't know what will work for you, but I am sure--that if you focus on growing "beyond" instead of letting go or forgetting, you may find that it is alot easier. We can't erase the past, but we can find a new focus.

    Please feel free to msg me anytime. I am here or on yahoo.

    Sharon
     
  6. Asmoday

    Asmoday Active Member

    You might want to search about Asperger's Syndrome on the internet. I felt like you and when I learned about Asperger's Syndrome, it explained almost everything.
    Here's one link about it: http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/
     
  7. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    I agree with gentlelady.. You seem to be able to talk when people talk to you.. and i just thought of something, maybe its that you need someone to come and talk to you.. rather than you go and talk to them.. and if they come to you its not that hard, its just that they need to start the conversation? Hmm.. i dont know.. Well good luck, you really are an angel x
     
  8. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    thank you for your opinions. allo, yes more often i find i must initiate the conversation and most of the time it leaves me feeling like i'm being too intrusive on their lives whoever that may be. i know that if i didn't initiate the conversations i would never talk to a soul. honestly, it's getting too hard to do that anymore. i feel like i'm such a nusance initiating a conversation. you can tell me i'm not but that doesn't change how i feel about it.

    Asmoday, i'm not sure i understand what the aspergers syndrome is. i have actually never heard of it. i'll look into it though and here's to hoping that i will understand.

    thanx again for your opinions they are really appreciated. with any luck at all i will figure out a way to move beyond this before it totally drives me mad. i'm almost there too, and i've been working on it for yrs. now. will that day ever come, and more importantly can i find the patience to hold on to trying. thanx again, and take care.
     
  9. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    Hmm.

    Tough time.

    Just remember what I told you about the baby steps. Reward yourself for even small feats. Don't give too much attention to the whole picture; that's not going to improve as quickly as you want it to, if you do that.

    Give credit where credit's due. And it's due even when it seems like what you've done is something...um... insignificant.

    It's hard work. But, ostensibly, with your strength, you'll be able to do it eventually.

    :hug: