well, some of this i've mentioned in the past but last nite while i was at work something dawned on me. i mean really dawned on me. i know as a kid i didn't have a lot of friends. when it came to playing on the playground i was always alone. then again i didn't feel like i could relate to anyone after all i was pretty sure not everyone had been through the trauma that i had been through and was continuing to go through. when i was young i was never allowed to speak so needless to say between that and the trauma i was going through but never allowed to talk about i became a social misfit. i still feel this way today. i have the hardest time relating to people. i have tried to fit in but i just can't do it. i know here at sf more people can relate but who wants to talk about shit all the time. i can't relate to anything else. besides that i don't want to talk shit all the time. i guess what i'm wondering is i have been working on trying to be more sociable for about eight yrs now but i really don't feel like i'm getting anywhere. my past has me hung up. are there any suggestions on how i might move past this? because honestly this will be the death of me without a doubt can i not figure this out. so if you don't mind passing any suggestions along i really would appreciate it. i'm sure it sounds stupid and corny but i'm really tired of being alone and unable to do this. i feel like i am a sociable person at heart but i just can't seem to manage anymore. thanx for your imput and take care.