Social Perceptions and Expectations

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by JonathanK, Oct 9, 2009.

  1. JonathanK

    JonathanK Well-Known Member

    Is it normal for me to be coming hyper-aware of social expectations in my 20's? When I was a teenagers, I wasn't concerned with this sort of thing as much. I just really didn't care what people thought of me. Now, its one of the most obvious aspects of society and human nature to me, and I'm more cynical as a result of it.

    One of these social perceptions I've come to know is speech rate. Some would describe my speech rate as being slower than average. It really sucks for job opportunities, because the assumption is that its a soign of low intelligence. Maybe it is in the area of vocabulary related faculties, but that's not the only type of intelligence. i took an IQ test and got a score of 112, and it wasn't one of those hokey facebook tests either. As far as thinking of words, its not so hard. I just have trouble translating my thoughts to my mouth. There's some sort of disconnect. I need to slow down so that I don't start slurring my words. It hasn't really done good for me in job interviews, nor social settings.

    At my college, there was a candle light vigile being held for a friend of mine who had killed himself. I was preparing a speech, and this guy told me to write it out. He was in the middle of telling me that I have a tendency of jumbling up my words and then said that he wasn't really that good at public speaking either to take back what he just started to say.

    Another social perception I've come to be aware of is being single. If you're single and in your twenties, people automatically think you're some sort of loser or pervert or gay. I'm tired of people asking me if I''m gay. It really gets on my nerves. There is nothing wrong with homosexuality, but I'm tired of that being the assumption about me. Maybe its because I cross my legs in the more comfortable style of laying my right thigh over my left inner thigh and not on the knee cap. Someone asked me once, "dude how can you cross your legs like that. Doesn't that hurt". First of all, last time I checked, penises don't dangle between the legs. They're in the front of the pelvis. So, as long as a guy is wearing underwear and their balls are positioned on top of the legs, they shouldn't have a problem with the leg crossing style that is considered to be more effeminate. Besides, I think its just fake, macho bullshit to sit with your legs crossed in a hyper masculine way anyway. We get the point. You're trying to make people think you have a big dick by sitting down with your legs spread open.

    Its a part of the larger culture to make fun of single guys. I'm not going to knock people who choose to spend their time with a significant other, but aren't guys who have unwanted children and dump the girl after getting them pregnant losers too? When I was working at subway when I was 18, these douche bag 20 somethings would come in and hit on my 16 year old coworker. They also made some smug comments against me and my perceived lack of masculinity. Maybe I don't fit the the social norm of masculinity. Nonetheless, it was all rather sickening. She ended up getting knocked up by one of them and dumped. The common social perception is that the guy who has as many kids with as many different girls as possible is a lot less of a loser than the one who chooses to be chaste. I probably should start looking for a girlfriend. Maybe I just put too many standards on myself that I can't meet and expect all people to expect those standards when they really don't. I should probably just find a girl that's as fucked up as I am. lol.

    There were some redneck dudes I was sitting with on a couple occasions before class at the tables outside. I noticed how they talked down other people. Once there was a black dude standing around, and after he left, they made some ****** remark. On another occasion, this scrawny, beatnik, artsy dude, wearing tight pants and a turtle neck and walking with some girls to the cafeteria, passed by. Then they made some remark about how he looked like a twig and needed to be put on a strict diet of some cheese whiz. They were all muscular, but fat their selves. I stopped hanging around them, because I knew, with very strong certainty, that they probably talked about me behind my back or would talk about me behind my back if I hung out with them any longer.

    Are there any other social perceptions that people have noticed that people normally don't come out and say to people's faces but just kind of say it when they think you're not listening? I just hate that they are social norms. Maybe its an aspect of humanities inherent nature to be competitive. To compensate for one's sense of low self worth, there's a tendency to find people who display attributes that fall outside of the accepted norm and make a mockery of them to feel better about one's self.

    I don't really think life should be lived for other people. The point of life should be to live as healthy, fulfilling of an existence as possible and to do what you can to see to it that other people do too. I think people need to sort their instincts as an animal from their needs as a conscious being to be happy.Human nature doesn't have a tendency to be good to others, no more than a hurricane or any other force of nature has a tendency to be good to people.
  2. Seano

    Seano Well-Known Member

    One that comes to mind immediately was something I just mentioned in a private chat to a friend about how nowadays in this country as a teacher of my age and gender, I seem to be looked on as a potential paedophile until proven innocent, and that can have a rather unfortunate effect on one's academic goals.

    Maybe just too many people around these parts have gotten into the 'Pulling Your Own String' mentality that mistakes assertiveness for aggressiveness, as if some known fear or experience from an event in the past is then applied to every possibility in the present.

    Noli illegitimi carborundum, my friend. Don't let the bastards grind you down.
  3. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    When you see these things that bothers you, consider the source. These are the words of immaturity, prejudice, and intolerance. There are people who make themselves feel better by talking down about anyone else.

    By the the same token, there are many people who think like you. Find those people and hang out with them.

    In the meantime, your differences from the others sets an example of maturity for them to learn to follow. Good Job! :)
  4. JonathanK

    JonathanK Well-Known Member

    Yah, that's unfortunate. My guess is that you're male, in your 20's or 30's, and teach in either elementary or middle school. It might not even be past experience shaping these fears and perceptions in parents. Its the fact that mass media has turned a majority of people into a quivering mass, scared of its own shadow. The news media reports on isolated, proportionately rare incidents of child abuse, not because they're trying to report on valid information that everyone should know, but because it sells. That, school shootings, terrorist attacks, and other sensationalist stories gets people watching CNN, and that's the only reason why they report the way they do. As bad as these horror stories are, they're extremely rare when brought into light of the larger picture. Most children and most people die of car crashes. There's a 911 every year in car crash fatalities, but you don't see that reported on the news very often.

    I can't blame the media altogether either. I have to blame people for being suckers for sensationalism. They buy what they're sold, because, like anything else, they can choose to get news from better sources like NPR, but they stick with the crap that cable news feeds them. Its sad. I bet Helicopter parents are just the worst too.
  5. JonathanK

    JonathanK Well-Known Member

    Oh thanks. Yah, I need to get out more and not be so reclusive., Lately, I've just been keeping human interaction to a minimum. I do what I need to do to get by in work and school and that's about it. Its really not healthy though. I should find some others more like me as you suggest.
  6. JonathanK

    JonathanK Well-Known Member

    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 31, 2009
  7. JonathanK

    JonathanK Well-Known Member

    drunk edit
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 31, 2009
  8. TaraB3ar

    TaraB3ar Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean about interviews, I completely suck at them. I have all these great ideas i just cant put them into words very well (as every english teacher has told me my entire life). So i can understand you there. You seem very intelligent though, and I agree with your post entirely. Its a shame how many standards and 'rules' we place upon our selves. there have probably been many people who could have offered the world great things if they weren't kept down by social 'norms'. great post!