social rejection?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by alexpemper, Nov 5, 2014.

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  1. alexpemper

    alexpemper New Member

    hey guys im 21 years old my problem is from the age of 14-18 i got hugely addicted to runescape side affects were pale skin black eyes from playing 12+ hrs a day and being verbally weak so i used to get verbally destroyed by my friends to make them look better infront of other people which destroyed me further ofcourse

    so i stayed in the house instead of getting bullied further, then my m8 (only decent m8 even tho he uses me) joined a college so i joined too (18 at this time) i was already so low before joining my friend basically saved my life i was planning suicide on the friday but he told me about college and i stopped it

    so anyways i started weight training to help me from firstly getting bullied (it worked) and 2 so i look respectible atleast im trying to make an effort i've now been weight training (bodybuilding) 3 years now and i've grown shit loads pretty big i use steroids and a specific diet just for an idea

    however nothing in my life has changed apart from the fact i dont play runescape now, i go to the gym, still no friends, no family to support me (i got quite a big family tho) no hope of a job (been applying for shit loads of jobs for the past year, perfected my c.v best i could etc)

    so im now a pretty decent looking 21 year old to say i have fuck all reason to be im a virgin etc L0L when i talk to a girl i think is attractive i go red in the face automatically its a joke

    i live with my grandma but i have like 3 uncles in my city, like 4 aunties 20 odd cousins my mam lives 100 miles up north (i moved out at age 13 when my mams bf cut my eyebrow from punching me) my dad works away in london 200 miles south, all my family know me problem but i think they think it will pass i don't know why i guess they just don't care, i've probably been such a fucked up horrible **** to them for them to not care, i don't know (coz i don't know anyone like me)

    so im 21 years old, i wax my hair every day, i sunbed when needed to top tan up, i gym for looks all so atleast im approachable, trying to put what effort in that i know i can but nothings changed man and its beginning, no its been wearing me down for some time now

    My city, leeds is not the place for me its clear i've lived here 8 years and made less of a life than a normal person would make in a new place in 3 months

    my topic is probably so mismatch and vague because im such a social reject i don't know how to hold a proper conversation

    So i was hoping someone would come up with some sort of master plan or say yea dude suicide is ur best bet, because fuck this dude yea its not fair on my family if i kill myself yeah? i've been telling me dad for years suicide is on the cards, i need a mental doctor or something

    I have also been diagnosed with depression in the past (i don't have it now, i keep myself clean etc and active to try avoid that rut)

    i don't know how anyone can help me if u can suggest anything or help in anyway please so because dudes i don't know how much longer i can keep busting my bollocks (bodybuilding) and getting fuck all from it!!!!! (other lifters get complimented i have no friends to compliment me)
  2. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Relax, it'll come to you. College job or meeting some girl it'll work out 21 is young and I applaud you in bodybuilding and not many can say they transformed like you did.
  3. alexpemper

    alexpemper New Member

    im staying strong now because im hoping it does come, but the thing is ive been waiting 3 years + and nothing is changing theres only so much time before i say f it, you know what i mean? its not now, i don't want to give up but i wont stay here feeling like shit much longer i think of the selfish side of it but then as ive said where are they?? they know my struggles, they must realise wow this kid has fuck all going on etc, but they don't care, because im not really part of the family coz i turned up 8 years ago, my dad forgets, my mam doesn't have the greatest life and shes like "get on with it" my best m8 uses me, bro i don't have anyone to go drinking with at a pub to get a gf, im applying my ass off for jobs, and college im 21 now so im probably too old i was for the last thing i tried to put myself through college for which was bricklaying but it cost now coz im 21 and my dad didn't wanna pay, fair enough but im just stuck all together thanks for u reply though
  4. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    What about getting a Therapist?
  5. alexpemper

    alexpemper New Member

    Yeah that's something i actually haven't done but since joining this forum i've realised thats a step i need to take, so I'm gona try talk to my dad and get me to help me AGAIN fingers crossed, we've been talking about a therapist for years though it just seems like circles though i wish there was something drastic i could do
  6. Merlot

    Merlot Member

    I would definitely try talking to a therapist. That's really awesome that you're into body building though :)
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