Social troubles...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by meaningless-vessel, Aug 7, 2013.

  1. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Sorry it's a long-ish post. But I just feel like I am not destined to have a wide social circle.

    I’ve mentioned it before, but when I was 11, I was not only changing from primary to secondary education. I was changing the location and knowing no-one. Day one I make a friend, and over time within that school, as people grew up, more and more people would talk to me like a person not ignore me or pass me off as a geek/nerd or what have you. There would still be the bully, and the arrogantly confident person, but I felt like I was making progress socially.

    Then moving on from school into further education at age 16, I found myself working and in college. It got to a point within the first year, that I would end up dropping out (asked to go back to take exams in one subject that I passed on, albeit a low mark of an E), before restarting 2 years again from scratch. So at this point, I’m a year behind my peers. But that’s not an issue at college, these things can be overcome.

    First year of college, I found a group of people I could spend time with, and again, interacted in a way that I thought was progression. But on the last day before the first term was over (ironically, the only time I’ve ever been in education on my birthday), there was no-one there. They should have been, but perhaps they chose to take their Christmas break early.

    Then with me dropping out due to working too much, I lost my way a bit. When I went back, I was starting the courses from scratch, and almost social interactions from scratch again. I was a touch fortunate that it was only one year down, so most of the peers I knew from school were still there that I could chat with if they wanted to - however, not that many would give me time of day.

    It was in this second year of college that I began having feelings for the person who would turn out to be my sons mum. This was the start of a persistent nature about me (perhaps I tried too hard, and had a bit too much baggage behind me), and I never gave up trying even though she was more keen on someone else. There was a second group of people that I was interacting with by now, she was one of them.. Me > Claire > Michael > Emma. That was the way the emotional side went, and when Michael got with Emma, Claire was understandably upset. So perhaps it was also a touch on the rebound.

    Me and Claire were together for almost 2 years, but after what felt like her mum taking over (or maybe she was just more like her mum than I wanted to accept), 3 months after my son was born, we split. It was a mutual thing, her and me had run our course, and we had this agreement that I would see my son every Saturday night. Things turned ugly just after start of 2007, where I lost a job 6 weeks before getting kicked out of living at home with my mum, and, not being in a position to be a father (I was crashing at a then friends place, who had drug/alcohol abusing friends, and it was not suitable for my son to be in), she decided to stop all contact with me. Not once since have I been able to be in direct contact with her, even with my genetic disorder I had to go through Emma (the person from the previous paragraph) - to get the message to Claire.

    Whilst I was coming to the end of the relationship with Claire, I had started finding karaoke bars, and in those two years (2005-2006), I would often be found going for a sing-along, making new friends in the process, but as time wore on (into 2007), there were certain signs that I had not been seeing. These very “friends” of mine from this karaoke atmosphere, had been meeting up lots outside of the pub, but never asking or including me. I eventually stopped going to that particular pub, where there was a lot of verbal abuse banter at me, particularly with my lack of teeth, that I’d just got bored of (it was like it was on repeat…)

    So then, I roll through into 2008, having started going to open mic nights (musical ones, often guitar plug-n-play style), with my dad. Doesn’t matter that we were there as father and son, it was similar interests, meeting like minded people. And we had a number of laughs over 1.5 years before my dad fell foul of his own issues. I almost lost interest in going, because it was “our thing” at the time, I was spending time with my dad too, which was important to me. Again I made a few friends there, but as before with school/college/karaoke friends, over time, they moved on to other things, and I got lost and dropped myself from the scene. Even after interacting with a “friend” to go to theirs to try working together on stuff, that fizzled out within a few weeks.

    Then comes 2009. I start a permanent job at the Hilton hotel in my town. Not a problem. People coming and going, staff ever changing, and a handful of constants. Make a few new contacts and potential friends there. But lo and behold, I ended up with leaving there (not in a good way) earlier this year, and only one person really asks after me from there. Never mind that this person has had my phone number and been on my facebook friends list and rarely contacts me direct (that’s a totally different issue that I have been annoyed about), he is the only one to actually bother asking.

    I tried socialising with people from the Hilton - didn’t last.

    I tried socialising with people from school/college - didn’t last.

    I tried socialising with people from social places (karaoke pubs/open mics - music link) - didn’t last.

    By now I’ve worked out that I’m actually better to be left alone in many situations, because I keep myself better company than trying to fit in with others all over the place - whether it’s people with like minded interests, or from education/work establishments. If people don’t want to interact with me, that’s their choice. I will continue to interact with those who do.
  2. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Most people are too focused on their goals and themselves to develop really meaningful relationships with friends or others. And unfortunately with our economy and everyone rushing around to be stable, not loose a job, competition, etc. It makes really good social connections even more difficult to find. I personally wont bother with you if you aren't going to bother with me. I try to make contact with people when I can but you must also understand people are also busy in their lives and its a 2-way street. I can see you are trying. But if you want to be friends with someone the other person has to try back and most people just don't.