The problem with sweeping statements like the above... where do I start?
People make these statements as if they are fact, but they are not. They are opinion. I have made the mistake of trying to defend myself if I am attacked for having a different opinion. Now I simply say I disagree, and that the statement while it may be true in some cases, is too broad and often untrue, unfair and misleading.
Think about how devout people deal with God for a minute. If the crops are plentiful and people have good fortune, the devout are quick to sing the praises of God. They worship to the rooftops. But if the crops fail and terrible tragedies happen... nobody wants to blame God. They may implore God for help. If they blame God, people are shocked and condemn them. But God loves us! So we say that He moves in mysterious ways, only gives us as much as we can take, etc. Anything but blame God!
Parents are authority figures and in some ways the relationship is similar as when we are growing up, they have near absolute power over us. If they are strict and demanding, this often continues even into adulthood. And we all can be influenced by the ideology of worshipping parents, especially Moms.
Aristotle said "Give me the child until he is 7. And I will give you the man."
And we see that if someone achieves great things, they often recognize their parents. What do we hear from every actor who wins an Oscar. "I would like to thank God and my parents."
But then would not the parents hold equal power over producing a child who failed to achieve great things? Or a criminal?
My stepmother's father told her she was stupid repeatedly and berated her throughout her childhood. She later made the "poor choice" of not going to college. So according to the above statement he is not responsible for that.
I know a woman who is morbidly obese who was sexually assaulted by her father. Morbid obesity is much more common in women who were sexually abused or assaulted than in women who were not. So is her father not responsible in some way for her obesity?
Someone who is neglected and gets improper nutrition in childhood can have lifelong emotional problems. Why do we think that a child who gets improper emotional nourishment should have no problems or be able to make good decisions?
Sure, everyone thinks that as an adult you can just change yourself, change your thinking. If that were possible, nobody would suffer from depression.
The truth is this: Your childhood shapes every part of who you become. The very structure of your brain and neural pathways. Of course it influences your decisions.
Some parents of course cannot help certain things, like having inadequate food. But child abuse is extremely common - up to 60% of American adults report physical, sexual or emotional abuse. The most common abuse is children under 3, and is physical abuse.
Someone mentioned elder abuse, which is about 4% and mostly financial. At any rate that is a separate issue.
In conclusion: An adult child's poor choice is often very much the parent's fault if the parent was abusive or neglectful. It's time we stopped absolving parents of responsibility. Sure, there are decent parents whose kids end up on drugs or whatever, but many parents had a hand in their kids' issues. I have personally witnessed two men who had abusive mothers who destroyed their lives.
People make these statements as if they are fact, but they are not. They are opinion. I have made the mistake of trying to defend myself if I am attacked for having a different opinion. Now I simply say I disagree, and that the statement while it may be true in some cases, is too broad and often untrue, unfair and misleading.
Think about how devout people deal with God for a minute. If the crops are plentiful and people have good fortune, the devout are quick to sing the praises of God. They worship to the rooftops. But if the crops fail and terrible tragedies happen... nobody wants to blame God. They may implore God for help. If they blame God, people are shocked and condemn them. But God loves us! So we say that He moves in mysterious ways, only gives us as much as we can take, etc. Anything but blame God!
Parents are authority figures and in some ways the relationship is similar as when we are growing up, they have near absolute power over us. If they are strict and demanding, this often continues even into adulthood. And we all can be influenced by the ideology of worshipping parents, especially Moms.
Aristotle said "Give me the child until he is 7. And I will give you the man."
And we see that if someone achieves great things, they often recognize their parents. What do we hear from every actor who wins an Oscar. "I would like to thank God and my parents."
But then would not the parents hold equal power over producing a child who failed to achieve great things? Or a criminal?
My stepmother's father told her she was stupid repeatedly and berated her throughout her childhood. She later made the "poor choice" of not going to college. So according to the above statement he is not responsible for that.
I know a woman who is morbidly obese who was sexually assaulted by her father. Morbid obesity is much more common in women who were sexually abused or assaulted than in women who were not. So is her father not responsible in some way for her obesity?
Someone who is neglected and gets improper nutrition in childhood can have lifelong emotional problems. Why do we think that a child who gets improper emotional nourishment should have no problems or be able to make good decisions?
Sure, everyone thinks that as an adult you can just change yourself, change your thinking. If that were possible, nobody would suffer from depression.
The truth is this: Your childhood shapes every part of who you become. The very structure of your brain and neural pathways. Of course it influences your decisions.
Some parents of course cannot help certain things, like having inadequate food. But child abuse is extremely common - up to 60% of American adults report physical, sexual or emotional abuse. The most common abuse is children under 3, and is physical abuse.
Someone mentioned elder abuse, which is about 4% and mostly financial. At any rate that is a separate issue.
In conclusion: An adult child's poor choice is often very much the parent's fault if the parent was abusive or neglectful. It's time we stopped absolving parents of responsibility. Sure, there are decent parents whose kids end up on drugs or whatever, but many parents had a hand in their kids' issues. I have personally witnessed two men who had abusive mothers who destroyed their lives.
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