Socially awkward....gah!

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by 1izombie, Mar 3, 2011.

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  1. 1izombie

    1izombie Well-Known Member

    I lately been trying to figure out if i'm a social retard, I'm trying to figure out if I am really awkward to be around because I get the feeling that I people around me are being polite but secretly can't wait to for me to leave. I'm trying to objective look at this but I'm having trouble separating reality from my own biased point of view. I know some of the social awkwardness is probably being blown out of proportion by my need to fit in (i never really feel like i fit in anywhere and always seem to struggle to find a place where i can belong) but this all came to light when a good friend of mine (we have been friends for 20 plus years) came over to my house several weeks ago. We have been growing apart for years it seems but still stayed in contact and when we got together every once in a while things would be great and we click and have fun like we always did. This past time they was something strange about it, some sort of distance or awkwardness between us, that got me thinking, maybe it's me. Maybe all along I have been this awkward mess of social ineptitude that any reasonable person would find taxing to be around. Maybe I was being inappropriate in social situations but never thought I was cause I thought my behaviour is normal and acceptable, yet the opposite is true.

    I been obsessing over this and trying to step back and look at what i'm doing when in social situations trying to get some perspective but finding it hard to figure out. The more I look into this the more I just wanna stop being social and not be around people in general, like i just want to find a hole and crawl in it and shut the world out. But I can't....I've been avoiding interacting with people even online as i've been avoiding SF and other sites where I normally mingle with people. So apologies to those who may have thought i was avoiding them for something they has nothing to do with you, it's all me.

    i didn't know where to put this rant so i put it here... I don't know why I wrote this but I really just need to get this out and maybe i can figure it out by expressing it in words.
  2. Isolde

    Isolde Active Member

    Hi, I'm really new here, so hopefully you don't mind me commenting.

    You're not alone.

    I know EXACTLY how you feel. And I've been struggling with this recently as well. I went out of my comfort zone a few months ago and forced myself to make new friends. And I force myself to keep spending time with them.

    But the whole time I'm with them, I'm worried I'm going to say something stupid, or they'll think I'm weird or strange. And I worry that they are just spending time with me because of pity or because they feel obligated. I worry that when they invite me to do something, that they're secretly hoping I'll say no. And I'm scared to death of asking them to do something with me. I even go to trouble of occasionally avoiding them, and not spending time with them so that they don't get fed up with me. But then I worry that I'm distancing myself from them and preventing a possible good friendship from fully forming.

    The only thing that kept me going was that I completely disclosed my personal life with one of them, and she's amazingly fantastic and has told me that I'm always wanted and welcome. So that makes things a little easier. But still, I have to fight this feeling that people are just being nice to me.

    But now that they know I'm socially awkward, they (say that they) accept it, and it makes things a little better.

    So, I just want you to know that you're not alone, and that maybe just talking to your friends about how you feel (don't overburden them), and let them know that you're a little awkward can help.

    As for obsessing about it. I do that too. I haven't really found a good way to deal with that. I just try to distract myself when I get like that. My partner has told me that if people keep inviting me to do things, and if I'm included in things, then it's a genuine desire to spend time with me. Just accept it. If they ask you to do stuff, or agree to do stuff with you. They like you.

    I hope that helps.
  3. 1izombie

    1izombie Well-Known Member

    thx for responding... it seems you have learnt to cope with being socially awkward and I have to d the same i guess... i am trying new things and pushing myself or trying to push myself, i rerolled in an acting class in april and trying not to obsess about it to much so I can keep my anxiety in check and follow through with the class...anyways thx for the suggestions...
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    We've spent a lot of time on Skype, and I've never found you to be socially awkward. You seem just the opposite to me actually. And I know maybe things are different with people in person. But you're fun and easy to talk to. :hug: You're not taxing to be around at all, and the problem may not all be you.

    Always around if you want to talk.
  5. lkc2113

    lkc2113 New Member

    If you just relax and don't worry about it it just seems to come natural. I used to get nervous just being around people and could hardly talk to people. Now I wait let them start talking and let myself get comfortable and calm down my paronia. I just found that to be the best way to help my awkwardness. Hope this helps.
  6. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    I wonder if we all judge ourslves against unreal expectations or assuming that 'everyone else' is more comfortable than we are?
    You talked about acting classes - a useful technique is to act in social situations as if you are the most confident person ever.
    Eat your heart out Al Pacino!!
  7. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    Being going through this for about 6 years now. Seriously, i'm weird (sometimes?)... been told i was... hmm that word to describe someone who is unpredictable and awkward?

  8. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    99%* chance your feelings are resulting from social anxiety, not reality.

    *not based in actual numerical studies
  9. 1izombie

    1izombie Well-Known Member

    thx :D i just needed to get this off my chest and deal with it...
  10. 1izombie

    1izombie Well-Known Member

    thx for the responses...i realize that it is probably an over reaction on my part (as people have suggested) in that it is probably my social anxiety thats making me think things are this way when in reality it may not be true. i just needed to vent really...again thx for listening.
  11. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    It's all good, vent away!!
  12. sunshinesblack

    sunshinesblack Well-Known Member

    hey Steeb , been there,
    how do u define social retard anyway? :D
    Like there is a lot of stuffs thet can hinder someones social presence and it does not mean person is mentally incabable
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