*Trigger* Yesterday I was having incredible anxiety...my benzo wasn't touching it. Soon, it seemed like everytime I walked past the bottle, which was too many times to count, I took a small handful. I wasn't looking to die per say, but by the time it was physically evident what had and was happening, my husband counted my missing pills and immediately had a ride take me to the hospital. From there I don't remember much, just waking up and being dissapointed I was alive for some reason. The pdoc said I had disassociated based on people's recollections and my little remembrance of the experience. So the day after, I feel physically and emotionally ill and kind of wishing I had gone to bed instead of letting others see me and I wish I had taken more pills. I never thought I would go as far as I did because that was not the plan, but now I am wondering if I should just finish the job?