Hello, everyone. I'm new here. A number of years ago, I made several unsuccessful suicide attempts (I was young, didn't have good resources and didn't know what to do). Eventually I decided I didn't have the strength of will or courage to do that, and for most of the past five years it's only been something I've fantasized about. I had a brief reprieve from those feelings for a few months in 2009, but it's come back as strong as ever. And for a little over a month now I've been thinking very seriously about it again. There are specific reasons I feel so hopeless now, but I don't think that is the issue so much. It's just that life has ALWAYS been this way. I have felt happy a few times, but those moments have been literally years apart. And once they end, it's never worth it, because I have to get used to the misery all over again. And there's more for me to think about being without. I don't see any reason why I should just continue enduring this in the vain hope that someday it might be different. You wouldn't invest your life savings in a venture that has never worked just because there's a non-zero chance it might eventually succeed. And pressing on hurts so much, day after day, month after month, and then for years. It's just too much. I'm not planning on doing this immediately, though. I have loose ends to tie up, more research to do on the reliability of my chosen method, etc. I'm thinking 1-3 months, but I don't know for sure. I can't tell any of the people I know, because they can't help me, and I don't want them to worry, try to stop me or think I have ulterior motives for saying something. I figured this would be a place I can be open about things, since suicide is on your minds, too. It'd be nice to be able to be open about these feelings.