some 1 please help me...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by manimdown28, Aug 19, 2007.

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  1. manimdown28

    manimdown28 New Member

    My names Joey and i would have to say i guess i have a bit of a problem. I dont really know if i can do this anymore...Ive always had alot going for me and for the past couple years it seems everything has taken just a stright turn for the worst. I'm only 19 barely 19 actually and in the short amount of time ive been on earth it really dosent even seem like anythings going to get any better. I mean i have a two year old daughter who i love more then anything its self and i do have to admit in order to take care of her i did some things many people might not consider right, and i personally could say i new they were not right when i was doing it but it didnt matter. i was selling weed, alot of weed to make sure i could take care of her i wasnt even out of 11th grade when i started and i can honestly pin point that as where shit all hit the fan on me. all my life ive been bad. i mean i never listened i acted out basically causes problems for every one. and then at about 7th grade my dad left our family. it wasnt just because of the fights with my mom he found something that mattered more to him at the time which was crack cocaine. it really fucked my head up the man i had looked up to my whole life was the worst of all possible people. i would later in my drug dealing find out how bad crack heads really were. from that point on i got kicked outta school arrested 4 different times and at one point faced 45 years on an assult charge that i never commited. it was thrown out in court but to this day remains on my head and challanges my faith in people as a whole. ive been shot at, stabbed raided by the police arrested and i realized my life was going no where. i got my act together for a while i got a real job at wellsfargo things were looking up. ive never really been an honestly good person i knew i took advantage of people i cared about and couldnt stop doing things to hurt them. its like no matter how hard i tried i couldnt break my self of doing stupid shit. it all boiled over ina fight with the mother of my daughter over my infidelity. which has been on and off for our four year realtionship i flipped out i couldnt take life any more i threw all of her shit outside and lit it on fire in front of her face i pulled my 9mm pistol out and in front of her and my daughter i cocked it and put it to my head and blamed all my problems on her. i was so close but i couldnt not in front of kailey. it was then they had me taken into custody and placed in the hospital. and being the stubborn person i am i lied my way out of getting the help i needed. i told them about my being bipolar and not taking my meds(which i never ever had) and they let me go. months of aruging and fighting led me to cutting my self buying more guns machettes anything i could find to use when i one day worked up the courage to finally fucking do it. everyday struggling with getting up and faking my happiness so i could just be left alone, dozens of females and drugs i was abusing to get cheap instant thrills out of. my baby mother recently left me which is prolly the smarest thing shes ever done she was an amazing woman who really does truely deserve better. she wont let me see my daughter she wont even let me say goodbye. i gave up on everything i tried to start over i went to college and got kicked out on the very first day not even 7 hrs into me being there on move in day i was gone. my roomate and i slipped up he got busted for weed(that he bought off me) and they kicked us both out on spot. one thing after another and now im sitting here rolling on exctasy drunk off my ass and high off marijuana with a shotgun loaded trying 2 just get it all over with...i just need an opinion maybe some 1 else knows wtf to do...ive tried it all and theres really only one option left..........
  2. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    I feel your pain.. please dont do anything to harm yourself , please???

    you can simply start over... trust me when i say that....

    you can pm me if you need to.. im here
  3. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    You know how you went to hospital.. they wanted to give you help.
    What about trying there?

    I'm here if you'd like to talk,
    feel free to pm me.

    Take care, xo
  4. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    im really worried about him.. i pm him and he hasent pm me back yet.. last i heard he was taking pills...

    joey please post or pm me ???

    he just went offline... please be okay , please??????
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