Some Final Thoughts

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Dhanjot, Nov 29, 2012.

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  1. Dhanjot

    Dhanjot Well-Known Member

    Hi all, please excuse the rambling, babbling nature of how i think this post is going to turn out.

    Ok, suppose you realize you're beyond the point of no return... (Actually, are any of you like that now?) I'm pretty sure that I am. Is there any point in doing anything at all? Like, you know, all I'm doing now us laying on the couch doing nothing all day. Would it be better to just get it over with? I mean, every day is just a little worse than the previous one.

    I've read in a number of places that once people have reached the decision that they feel relieved and somewhat happier. Like, I've seen some quote more than a few times that says something about "live like it's your last day one earth...blah blah blah" like you're supposed to be living it up or something. I don't get it. I sure don't feel like that at all. I really really really don't want to go through with it, but out of the available options, it seems the most logical one. The thing is, I'm doing this out of kindness and love for self. It seems like the most compassionate resolution I can come up with. I simply can't handle this much depression.

    PS. Do you guys/gals think I should start putting my stuff on storage?
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 29, 2012
  2. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    It is very painful when deeply depressed. Have you attempted professional treatment for you depression? Are there specific reasons for your depression that we collectively as a group may be able to come up with things for you to consider to resolve the situations leading to this? In the end, deep depression will seldom fix itself. It will need intervention by others as a start and motivator but ultimately you too will have to add effort to pull out of it. To answer your question though - yes , many , if not the majority, have found ourselves in that place and yet we find a way to get back to a better place, as with supports and some small efforts you will as well.

    Take Care and Be Safe

  3. Jojojo

    Jojojo Member

    Hi, you sound very resourceful and practical, both excellent qualities to have. You are thinking about putting stuff in storage? Why?

    I think you have a lot more to give in life than you realise. Depression is awful but it is an illness, it's not you. Don't be defined by your depression. Depression is associated with suicide but your mind is just one part of your body. If you had a diseased leg would you be thinking of ending it all? I doubt it.

    It seems that you are feeling very melancholy at the moment and perhaps if you think back there will be other times that you felt the same way. 'Other times'. This means that in between those other times, life was better. Might not be brilliant, but was better.

    Perhaps you can try to see past the feelings you are experiencing today. Tomorrow might not be so bad, and then try the next day.

    Laying on the couch is great sometimes but could you set yourself a task to do. Go for a walk and buy a paper, or a bar of choc or a pint of milk, anything! Along the way you might see or hear something that makes you smile. A bird singing, someone smile at you, a beautiful plant or tree, nature is magnificent.

    Hope you are feeling a bit better about yourself soon x
  4. Dhanjot

    Dhanjot Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your thoughts and ideas NYJmpMaster and Jojojo.

    However, as I've stated many many times to many different people, I just don't see how getting treatment or going to the hospital is going to cure unemployment or pay the bills.
  5. listless

    listless Banned Member

    Well you might consider taking almost any job that you can get. I was there like you-unemployed. I can't begin to describe how terrible it was. A few years ago I moved in with my mother who was the sole income earner and her health was getting worse. I had been focused on other financial goals which did not work out. Then reality hit me and I realized I had to get a job-anything at all since I knew my mother's health would eventually force her to stop working. After a year of hard struggle I found a decent job. About a month after I began working again, my mother quit her job since she could not physically work anymore-the timing couldn't be better (for me to get my job). I've been working there since and it's allowed us to live well but I have a long way to go.

    I used to be depressed as well and went through a whole gamut of emotions that few people do because where we were living, we were trapped in our situation (by our meager income) and had serious issues with the neighbors and landlord. My job allowed us to move and dramatically change our situation for the better. So I'd just recommend keep trying, looking, do anything you can to get work, preferably in your field.

    But my issues go beyond work-the best years of my life are gone and I'm starting from the bottom. I used to be attractive when I was younger and now I'm 30lbs overweight, noticeably balding and in my 40s with little to my name. My fear was that life would pass me by before I reached a good income/status level and now it has. I'd say I have 10-20 good years left and then I'm done. So I feel already there really is no reason to go on.

    I used to have amazing opportunities for jobs and relationships with girls but was always occupied with difficult goals-like getting my degree in hopes that it'd lead to success and it never really happened. Now I'm going to look for better work because although I have an adequate income I don't like my job-it's well beneath my talents and education, though it's white collar work.

    It's also difficult to deal with the loneliness I experience-since I don't have a relationship and my friends are involved or married. I've also dated attractive girls so I can't settle for anything less. Part of the reason I'm still around (living) is to help out my mother and I believe if good people ended their life, then bad people would take over. But basically if my life was a video game, then I've already lost at it as far as I'm concerned. I'm not living for very much but I am happy that my mother and I are no longer suffering as we used to in our previous shitty place.

    I think I was more suicidal in the previous place I lived but I was also determined to change our lives. But now that the worst is over, I have another set of problems to deal with. Yes there are people in worse situations than myself, many in better, but we all want our lives to be fulfilling, mine was just a miserable waste of time. If it was easy to end one's life I think I would've done it already.
  6. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    You do not need to apologise for anything about what you post, if it makes sense or not, the result is that you get off your chest what it troubling you, and in the end, that is all that matters, so speak to your heart's content.
    As for your first question., there is nothing wrong with sitting on the lounge doing nothing day in and day out wand not feeling like you have anything else in your life to contribute, but if you think of it another way, while you have all of those negative thoughts running though your head, it is difficult I know to do any anything about them, but just sitting still every day only makes you feel worse and worse and the days drags on. Even if you have no motivation to do anything but keeping sitting down, you know your depression is the reason why you feel like this, so instead of letting it win and end up with you taking your own life because of it, it means that you have just given in to something that that, while you while you cannot see nor comprehend now, then you should try your best to push such thoughts aside and get out, it does not matter were,, as long as you keep your mind occupied by by going on a trip (long or short) so as to temporarily forget your problems, even for a minute or an hour and try something that you have you have never done accomplished before. Negativity and bad thoughts only serve to bring you even more bad thoughts and that is what brings people to their lowest and, in a lot of cases, where suicide is the only answer. Now suicide is definitely a way out from thinking and feelings such things, you should just push yourself to do the things that are bothering and, be it people laugh or mock you or ridicule you, then so be it. Those people matter little. You are doing things for yourself only and if people laugh at you, then, while it is natural to be upset and think of yourself as a 'loser', but in reality, you are building your own self-esteem and that leads, maybe not tomorrow or the next week, but it toughens you up as a person and can take anything that others throw at you without any insult getting to you. :bubbles:
  7. Dhanjot

    Dhanjot Well-Known Member

    Thanks Listless and Leif,

    Yeah, I've been trying and trying to get just any job. Applied at all the Walmarts and the like, followed up with phone calls, etc. Nothing. It's settled now. I have a method, and a timeline - though it's not going to be today or tomorrow. It's been almost three years like this and I'm just sick of it. I tried everything I could, reached out for help to everywhere I could. Zero. Just gotta clean the house, and prepare a few emails to be sent out after the fact, and I'm outta here.

    Best wishes everybody.
  8. listless

    listless Banned Member

    No problem Dhanjot, but honestly I don't see being unemployed as a reason to end your life. Granted, I've been there as mentioned so I know it's no walk in the park, but you should try fast food places, get help through employment centers or agencies. Of course you're not alone, millions of Americans are struggling with being unemployed also-the economy is bad and Obama isn't making things better since he's an idiot. You should consider finding work overseas as well. In Canada we have many service related low level if you live close you could drive here or bus it.

    Anyways, it's your life-to throw, perhaps there's more going on. I know with me, if I'm in a situation where it's certain I'll end up on the street, say I lose my job, can't find another-have no help from family or the state, then I'll end my life as well. But for now that seems like a very remote possibility.

    It's hard for me to be supportive when I have my own gripes with my life. In my case even if I achieve my goals within 5-10 years, have a house , great job and so forth, there would be little point if I cannot attract/date the kind of women I used to. The world has many great things to experience but it's pointless if you don't have someone special to enjoy it with.
  9. Dhanjot

    Dhanjot Well-Known Member

    Hey Listless,

    I thought I posted a reply a few hours ago, but it's gone for some reason. Anyway, I just got called for a job interview from that employment agency, and from the the sound of it, it's a job that I actually think I would really like. Interview's on Monday.

    About attracting a woman, yeah I pretty much agree that it wouldn't be a good idea to settle for a woman you're not attracted to. But from the way you describe yourself, finding your kind of women doesn't really seem like all that much of a long shot... I wouldn't totally give up on it if i were you.

    Hehehe, yeah I agree with what you said about Obama too ;)
  10. always_naive

    always_naive Member

    I am in a more or less situation but I am a woman ... in my 40s, educated but work in an abusive work environment, paid quite well though, still kind of attractive but aging is a big issue for women (we don't date a 20-something years old like men do) and I am over the child-bearing age. Like you said, we don't want to settle for less, but we are not allowed to be picky any more. Yes, if it was easy to end one's life, I would have done it long time ago but I am still contemplating suicide anyway.
  11. always_naive

    always_naive Member

    I was referring to Listless' post ...

    I am in a more or less situation but I am a woman ... in my 40s, educated but work in an abusive work environment, paid quite well though, still kind of attractive but aging is a big issue for women (we don't date a 20-something years old like men do) and I am over the child-bearing age. Like you said, we don't want to settle for less, but we are not allowed to be picky any more. Yes, if it was easy to end one's life, I would have done it long time ago but I am still contemplating suicide anyway.
  12. listless

    listless Banned Member

    Hi Dhanjot, that's great news I'm happy to hear about that. I hope it worked out for you. Sorry I didn't reply sooner but sometimes I leave this site for months at a time. When it comes to a job, never give up-sooner or later something will work out and glad we agree on Obama. :biggrin:
  13. listless

    listless Banned Member

    Hi Fresh_P, sorry for the late response, I didn't check this thread in a long time. It seems you have a lot going for yourself, despite your age. When I was in my 20s I used to find older women (30s/40s) to be very attractive, but now that I'm in the same age range you're right I'm now into women in their 20s and 30s, especially if I plan to have a family-but it's very unlikely, I feel as you do that I'm past the child-bearing age.

    But it's rough for us men also, most younger women tend to want guys within their age range and aside from my charm, self-sufficiency, intelligence, experience and looking 10 yrs younger than my age, there's not much else I bring to the table, like a house or a high income (though I'm working on changing that). I'm also no longer in situations to meet great girls (like at university).

    Perhaps there are men in your age range or slightly older that you could date/marry, even if kids are out of the question, they still have some life left in them. Or guys in their 30s, but it's a crap-shoot. While some guys in that range like older women, most go for younger as you already know. I think being in our 40s it isn't the end-we still have a chance to find someone decent, but it will probably require more effort on our part. I have my good and bad days, sometimes I'd just like to end it all, other times I'd like to see myself getting the things I want before I disappear for good.

    Oh and sorry to hear about your terrible work environment. I'm sure your resume must be good enough to help you find a better job-please consider that. I'll be checking this forum more regularly now.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 21, 2013
  14. Count Floyd

    Count Floyd Well-Known Member

    You can't let being unemployed lead you to killing yoruself. It's a bad cliche but it's apropos here - take it one day at a time, even if the days are bad. I know exactly what it's like. I hate my life, I hate everything about it, I'm just taking it one day at a time.

    I'm sure everyone has told you this before - can you move or find a place where you have better employment opportunities? What kind of job are you looking for?
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