Sorry that it's so long, I can't articulate unless I try to explain thoroughly. I've spent the past couple of days wondering whether to bother anyone here with this or not, and I'm aware my problems are a drop in the ocean to how some people here are feeling, but I seem to be out of options. To start with, I'm sorry if this is the wrong section, please move it as you see fit. I figured here'd be the best place. While I dance with the thought when I'm at my lowest I don't think I want to die yet so I didn't think the suicide section would have been right. I'm not all too sure what I'm expecting here, maybe someone with similar experience or a gentle push in the right direction. I've 4 real friends, three of which are in long-term relationships and one is a cynic, so I didn't have much hope there. I tried two of them but both are lost for words after a while and I just feel like I'm making them uncomfortable. I've tried a couple of online friends, one I stopped opening up to because I'm worried I'll trigger her and the other I am sure is getting fed up of me being awkward too - so perhaps you guys can help! I'll try to split my worries up. First is a girl. I know I could possibly get over her if I tried but I don't like the idea of turning my back on something which is probably being damaged by my own paranoia as it is. We haven't met. I met her on a chat site a couple of years ago, visited again a few months back and found she played Xbox again. Great! We added each other and spent more or less every night playing together. We'd call each other until my phone got so hot it was uncomfortable to hold and she had to reluctantly let me sleep because I became pretty grumpy by about 2am on a work night. This was awesome, I felt like I had a great friend. She sent me a present for my birthday, perfectly wrapped with a card that she'd really put some thought into choosing and we carried on as we were. We would even choose a movie to watch on a Saturday night and watch it at the same time. She was going to meet me, and seemed genuinely serious about it, but now I've tried mentioning it and the topic gets ignored. Being a girl on Xbox she naturally gets a lot of attention and it's always bothered me but I said nothing, even when she started being really friendly to them and making me feel so low I almost just stopped playing at all. Things started to drop off as she stopped calling me at night, I had to call her on my way home from work and even then she'd sometimes ignore it and wait until she left for work to call back. I didn't mind so much, as long as she called me I felt amazing. A few days ago she meets another guy in game and we play with him, no problem, he seemed pretty decent. Now it's at the point where she'll appear offline while playing with him, I just turned my Xbox off as the three of us were in-game and the two of them had gone into private chat leaving me on my own. I don't mind her playing with other people, while I am a little jealous I just feel so left out it's driving me to despair! I hate the idea of losing my friend, even if nothing happened between us she is a friend I value very much. I want to approach her about how it's making me feel but then I stop myself - why should she be made to feel uncomfortable because I am jealous of someone? I don't want to come off as needy or make her dislike talking to me and so I am absolutely stuck with how to broach the subject to her. She means so much to me and I'm worried sick that if I do nothing, she will just forget about me, but if I say the wrong thing she will not want to talk to me at all anyway. Along with this I'm returning to work on Tuesday. A dead-end job which I hate but unfortunately I've no qualifications worth a damn and don't have the sort of luxury to enroll back in college as the courses cost more than I can afford living on my own. The place is run by management without any clue about how to treat their workforce properly, possibly just like many other companies out there and I haven't a clue how I can push myself forward. All I can see if this same horrid house and job in my future and it's really pushing me over the edge. Thanks to both of these I think I'm suffering from depression, but I do not know. I've taken the Burns test here and scored 95, taken an NHS online test and told to see a GP about severe depression. I feel horrid now but with the problems above I don't think I can go and see a doctor, they seem so petty and pathetic to bring this on but my symptoms seem to be cause for concern. I've lost about a stone in weight, bringing me to 7 and a half with a BMI of 15.7, where 18.5 or less is the basis of being underweight. I haven't eaten a meal in about a week, I told my family I didn't want to see them over Christmas and have avoided several invites from my friends to meet up for a night out. It's hard to open up about this to my friends, the problems seem so small and all they say is "do this" "tell her this" but I just have no motivation at all. I've spent most of the day going from crying to chain-smoking and back to crying and I just feel so down, it's up and down, right now I am not so upset, but in half an hour I will probably be crying again. I don't quite know where to start at all. Any ideas? Hitting submit before I delete this again.