some friend- uggg i hater now!

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by the masked depressant, Jul 3, 2011.

  1. the masked depressant

    the masked depressant Well-Known Member

    this proves friendship is not all that it's cracked up to be.

    for a while now, i've been speaking to this girl and she always goes on about how she loves me- and how she's always going to be their for me. we've never met- most of it is via other sites and msn.

    anyway, to cut a long story short she said that if it would support me, she'd join sf which she did.

    ever since then, she's been really distant towards me.. and yesterday i asked her what was going on.

    she told me " you know, i have to live my life- i'm sick of hearing the same thing.. i'm more important than you'll ever be!"

    i thought to myself... wow, for someone who said she'd always be there for me- that's really friendly... not!

    so now i'm not sure if i should keep talking to her and ask her to explain- or just forget about her?.

    i kind of want to do both... on 1 hand, why bother with someone who just said something like that to me, and on the other i wanna know what came over her!

    advice....?
     
  2. foolnomore

    foolnomore Well-Known Member

    She probably meant it when she said it but joining this board might have been a bit overwhelming for her . She probably read things here and realised that she had taken on more than she could handle .You call her a girl so I assume you are both young she probably has not been exposed to the sort of suffering you see on this board before and didn't fully understand things because she hadn't been there herself. Don't dismiss all friendships on this incident .Some people in RL and cyberspace make good friends so continue to give people a chance.
     
  3. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    I donno. Sometimes things build up and aren't talked about. Like feelings or a difference of opinon, and they build up and eventually release in a moment distorting the reality of whats being talked about.
    Sorry im really bad at this possible view.. I'd try to talk to her and see what's brought this about.

    On another note. I know people get close and say they love eachother, and they truly might in the moment, and truly might mean they will be there for eachother later on. But sometimes people say things before they realize the full understanding of the person they are saying those things to.

    She shouldn't say that to you to be honest. Well, I mean, im not sure if shes saying shes sick of what youre talking about or that she doesnt feel important.

    In the end I think you two need to talk and find a common understanding between eachother. Real friendships need honesty and understanding, from both sides so they can share and grow together. Just try and talk, she means something to you, you atleast deserve to know whats wrong.
     
  4. oxygenidia

    oxygenidia Well-Known Member

    I think she freaked out a bit maybe. This board is obviously about heavy topics. Maybe she got a bit scared about dealing with all of that? It can be mentally straining for friends to be there for people dealing with these type of problems.

    It's hard to tell you what you should do based on this one thing alone. I don't necesserily think that a person is all bad because they react in that way... But it sounds like you should both take a step back and see where things go. She's obviously not into being there for you right now, what you decide to do with that piece of information is up to you.
     
  5. Entoloma43

    Entoloma43 Well-Known Member

    What a perfect quote to sum up humanity.
     
  6. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    I believe your friend is honest with you and simply try to establish healthy limits on what support she can realistically give you. In order to take care of anybody, or anything, one must first take care of oneself. Its not really fair to expect somebody to fulfill all our emotional needs. She could have been a little bit more diplomatic, but in essence, that her own life matters more to her in her eyes than yours is natural.

    Mental illnesses represent a challenge for friends and family which often overwhelms their capacity to cope and this is why professional help is a must. Years ago I broke up with the guy I was pretty much engaged after he refused to get professional help for his depression. There was no question I loved him very much, but in between sinking with him and protecting my own sanity, I chose me. If you want to pursue this friendship, I would suggest you express to her that you understand where she is coming from and would like to continue building an healthy friendship based mutual caring and respect for her boundaries. If this kind of relationship does not interested you, you may want to ask yourself if you were interested in her as a person, or as a way to fill an emotional void.

    Sorry if this sounds a little bit abrupt, and for me playing the Devil's advocate on this one. But a lot of depressed people manage to alienate everybody in their circle of relationships because they become so demanding and self-absorbed by their own problems they fail to consider that indeed, other people have their life to live. You probably dont realize it yet, but by being honest with you, she did you a big favor and she probably must really care about you to be so upfront. Most people would have just walk away without any explanation.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 14, 2011
  7. ummm...did you ever think that maybe trying to find real concrete relationships on the internet might not be a smart idea....i say girl you are the most beautiful woman in the world...but that's obviously an exaggeration...friends can only be made in person....cmon now!!!