Some funny jokes :D

Discussion in 'The Coffee House' started by Spikey, May 1, 2008.

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  1. Spikey

    Spikey Senior Member

    Parents' Dictionary

    AMNESIA: A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.

    DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

    FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

    FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

    FULL NAME: The name you call your child when you're mad at him.

    GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

    HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

    IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

    INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

    OW: The first word spoken by children with older siblings

    PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.

    PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

    SHOW OFF: A child who is more talented than yours.

    STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

    TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

    TWO-MINUTE WARNING: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

    VERBAL: Able to whine in words.

    WHODUNIT: None of the kids that live in your house.


    The Psychphone

    Welcome to the Psychological Clinic.
    If you have an obsessive-compulsive disorder, please press 1, as many times as you like.
    If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
    If you have multiple personality disorder, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
    If you are paranoid or delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
    If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
    If you are depressed, it doesn't really matter which number you press. Probably no one will answer anyway.


    One Liners


    If a person with multiple personality threatens suicide, is it a hostage situation?

    No, I don't have a solution, but I do admire your problem.

    Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

    Well, Doc. I have a memory problem and I also can't seem to remember anything.

    Consciousness is that annoying time between naps.

    I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

    I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the
    self-help section?" She said "If I told you, it would defeat
    the purpose."



  2. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    :laugh: !!
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