some things which helped me understand my problems maybe they can help someone else http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love-shyness http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_isolation http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinical_depression http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Socially_inept http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emptiness http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loneliness http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_abuse http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loner http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erotomania http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unrequited_love http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive_love http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abuse http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant_personality_disorder http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_anxiety http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_I_Disorder http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Melancholic&redirect=no http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shyness http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dependent_personality_disorder http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_depressive_episode http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_disorder http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melancholia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atypical_depression http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizophrenia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_alienation http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Physical_intimacy http://eqi.org/eabuse1.htm http://eqi.org/invalid.htm http://eqi.org/valid.htm http://eqi.org/listen.htm http://eqi.org/listen3.htm http://eqi.org/elit.htm http://eqi.org/respect.htm http://eqi.org/depress1.htm http://eqi.org/whyhard.htm http://eqi.org/friends.htm http://eqi.org/hugs.htm http://eqi.org/listen4.htm http://eqi.org/eam1.htm http://eqi.org/cutting1.htm http://eqi.org/und1.htm very good http://www.eqi.org/oct2002.htm very good http://eqi.org/summary.htm excellent http://eqi.org/uen1.htm very good http://eqi.org/signs.htm http://eqi.org/educ3.htm - very good http://eqi.org/emotions.htm http://eqi.org/ginott.htm http://eqi.org/ei_ed43.htm http://eqi.org/davidc2.htm http://eqi.org/davidc1.htm http://eqi.org/caruso.htm http://eqi.org/shevaun3.htm taken off additional logs:: http://eqi.org/invalid2.htm http://eqi.org/moti.htm http://eqi.org/dark1.htm http://eqi.org/depress2.htm http://eqi.org/romance.htm http://eqi.org/forgive.htm http://eqi.org/ts7.htm good links, :: somehow i found them http://eqi.org/dsfs.htm http://eqi.org/eam1.htm http://eqi.org/feelings.htm http://eqi.org/sarahw.htm http://eqi.org/gt.htm http://eqi.org/legal.htm http://eqi.org/abuse3.htm http://eqi.org/cry1.htm http://eqi.org/resp.htm http://eqi.org/puni2.htm http://eqi.org/chris.htm http://www.eqi.org/psychstud.htm list of negative emotions, rate from 1- 10 http://eqi.org/cnfs.htm list of positive emotions, rate from 1 - 10, http://eqi.org/needs.htm i think that's an accurate objective. they are in control of their emotions and their thoughts, not me. i'm not supposed to solve their problems. just to accept them, listen to them, allow them to express their thoughts freely so that they can see them, react to them, and change them. Thought: Oh, my God! Oh, no! This is terrible. My brand new car! This will cost a fortune! I don't have time for this now. I can't afford to get this fixed. I don't know if this is going to be covered. I am afraid I let my insurance run out. Values: The appearance of the car, the cost of fixing it, the principle of taking responsibility for denting someone else's car. Beliefs: It is wrong for someone to dent a car and drive off. People should leave notes on cars when they dent them. People should be more careful. Cars shouldn't have dents in them. http://eqi.org/aware.htm ...if your a dumbass and you dont like teens and you look down on people who are depressed and you expect everyone to be super happy, dont get into a fucking field where you deal with depressed anxious crazy people. Managing Feelings Exercise 1 Have people list some of the negative feelings which they regularly experience. Then have them complete the following sentence: When I am feeling _______ I can ________ For children, it might help to make the analogy of a rainy day. Tell them to think of things they can do on a rainy day by saying to themselves: When it is rainy, I can _________. Exercise 2 Go through another list of negative feelings (either provided by you or the participants) and use the following general model. When I feel ______ I need more _____. For example, When I am feeling uninspired, I need more inspiration. When I am feeling resentful, I need more appreciation (towards that which you resent) When I am feeling victimized, I need to take more responsibility. When I am feeling out of powerless and out of control, I need to feel more powerful and in control. When I am feeling impatient, I need to feel more patient. Exercise 3 Think of a time when you were upset. Try to put yourself back into the moment and re-live it. Then ask yourself, "How do I feel?" and list your feelings. Next ask: "What would help me feel better-- that I can control?" These are the HDIF and WWHMFB questions, which can also be used to help someone else by changing them to "How do you feel" - HDYF and "What would help you feel better?" WWHYFB?