Some observations

I've been thinking about what's going on when I start to think about killing myself. Lately, I've realized that it's how I get through a day. I make it only because I can comfort myself with the thought that if it gets too bad, I can always pull a fade. I guess that's kind of whacked-out; surviving by holding that "ace" up my sleeve.

Of course I can't tell anyone about this, not even the therapist. That would take away my "ace"...and I need to know that there's a way out, if I really need to take it.

I also realized that when I start thinking about the "when" to kill myself, I always try to make sure that the event won't fall too close to a holiday or someone's birthday, especially my kids...as I don't want to screw up what should be a happy occaision for the, for the rest of their lives.

Am I the only one or do others go through this too?

 

I admit, sometimes the same thing helps me keep going. I hate being in that dark dark corner in my mind where everything seems hopeless and i seem helpless, and the only way out seems to be suicide... but the only way out is that little ray of light and if i squint i can see an opening out of that place, and it makes me feel much better. Like a deep breath.

And i also just realized that was one very long sentence. Grammatically correct? Probably not. :tongue: