I tell you some people are so mean and dont realise what they do or say can hurt or even break someone who is at their edge and can actually help push them over.. Can you believe it? someone called the hospice and went on to tell them all about my past , and things.. Well for that persons infomation i had not yet signed the papers to be in the program yet... They at hospice know all about it and was kind enough to tell me who it was that called and said these things and all.. So i know who you are and you yourself are nothing but a bunch of cold heartless people.. God will judge you on your words to them about me and i pity you cause you have no idea... I am still in denal myself of having this cancer and yes i did get better pain pills but got them from my own regular doctor who had increased the meds to help with my pain and when i get home bound my plans were to have hospice then come out because then i wont be able to do some things like take a bath by myself etc , but right now i am still able to do that... My plan was to get on hospice when i was unable to get around , however i have changed my mind and come this weekend i am going to go... I can and will do it cause i have the guts to and i have enough pain to do it also. All i wanted and really needed was to make peace with everyone cause my time is coming to an end because of this stupid cancer that i have.. Thats all i needed was peace and to make things right with everyone i had wronged but it is obviouse that even me as a true honest person who is trying to make peace because it is after all what God has required can not even do that.. i cant do anything right.. I cant even make peace.. me a white dove , a bringer of peace cant even do that right. thursday is my last day here.. sorry everyone but when a dove cant even make peace without doing or saying something wrong all the time then its time for a dove like me to just go on and go... i cant even get the peace i need.. I am honest here.. i have changed on the inside and outside yet others cant see or refuse to believe it because they are blinded by my past which will forever haunt me until i die.. Mr. Dalton , you were wrong.. you were absolutly wrong when you said if a person changes and repents then there past is forgotten , well you are wrong.. it will forever haunt one until they die.. im sorry my niece hurt you.. im sorry i gave so much love and gifts to you and your wife.. doing that was like keeping my mom alive to me .. well im gone this weekend.. i will be out of your lifes for good.. that is after all what you and everyone else wants.. you should have let me die the last attempt.. you should have just let me die... I needed peace between us .. i needed your forgiveness in order to die in peace.. well enough said i know i cant get that so im gone..