I feel as a person i've never really wanted to live at all. I cannot move forward because there is nothing that interests me, no majors at college, nothing. I've been in this situation for 3 years. I am lucky that my parents support me but thats another subject. I do not seem to want people, whilst deep inside of me I want attention. I think I have selective mutism, and i'm just quiet and don't socialise well at all. People don't talk to me. I spend most of my time pissing it away on the computer or the tv. I have turned into the most unproductive person in the world. I no longer value myself, my intelligence or my looks. I don't respect myself any longer. I think people see me as dirt or ignore me. I despise people in general and the world angers me. I see little enjoyment in life.. or the enjoyment that could be will be few and far between and limited. In reality there is no enjoyment. I don't think even the perfect woman would make me happy any more. I see life as totally vacuous and serves to break me down day after day year after year. I think I should take all value that I still have, and good reasoning and end it as soon as possible, and get out of here. I am totally alone in this life and there is no justification to carry on. Being social creatures I cannot live my life ignored and in isolation any longer.