It seems that there are a lot of well-meaning people out there that will run around trying to convince people NOT to commit suicide. They will say things like "think of how your family/friends will feel" or "you may feel this way now, but it doesn't always have to be this way!". However, with how much variation there is among people, it stands to reason that a few of us actually ARE completely worthless, and that society would be much better off without us. I'm not asking those well-meaning people to stop their efforts; I'm sure there are more people out there that actually can be helped than that are completely worthless.
Just, when I'm told I shouldn't kill myself, I try to look at it rationally. Why should I live? Why should anyone live? Is there any purpose, any meaning to my life, to anyone's life? I guess my belief about the "meaning of life" is that each individual creates their own meaning. Maybe you deeply care about your friends and family and/or your job/life's work and/or your passions and hobbies.
Well, what about someone who is awful at everything? Who is too lazy and self-centered to help him or herself? Who only brings negativity and misery to his or her surroundings? As I'm sure you've guessed, I believe that I am one of those people. I've never had a friend. I have been obese my entire life. I'm ugly, lazy, self-centered, selfish, mean, rude, have a complete lack of self-control, I'm a coward, I have no skills, and I could go on, but on a suicide forum, I'm sure you've heard it all.
I'm 25 years old and I've never had a boyfriend, and I never even had sex until March of this year, with a guy I met in an online game that I'd known for about a year. It mostly just hurt (physically) and we didn't speak much after. He's a good guy, I'm not blaming him; it's definitely me, for being ugly and bitchy and fat and stupid.
At any rate, I have nothing to live for, nothing of worth to contribute to individuals or society, and I've wanted to take my life for a decade now. I'm a coward as stated earlier and I once took a bunch of pills that didn't kill me, just made me a bit sick to my stomach with diarrhea. My biggest fear is screwing it up so badly that I'm left with permanent damage, but alive. I have a method that I believe will work now, that I won't detail here since it seems to be against the rules, but as long as I am not interrupted during the process (I won't be: read the no friends part above), I believe it will work.
I don't even know what I'm waiting for or why I'm posting here. It must mean I do want help. Or maybe I am a masochist and enjoy my own misery. Maybe it's my self-centeredness and I want a bit of attention, who knows?
Oh, and if you want to know just how fat, it's awful. I'm 260 lbs. right now, 5'5" female. In September of last year, I weighed a little over 310 lbs. I got down to 192 by August of this year. I fucked up and now I'm back up to 260. I clearly can't do it. I've pathetically eaten cookies and cheese puffs and mozzarella sticks all day, because I'm a loser. I feel sick even now. It's not even noon....
Just, when I'm told I shouldn't kill myself, I try to look at it rationally. Why should I live? Why should anyone live? Is there any purpose, any meaning to my life, to anyone's life? I guess my belief about the "meaning of life" is that each individual creates their own meaning. Maybe you deeply care about your friends and family and/or your job/life's work and/or your passions and hobbies.
Well, what about someone who is awful at everything? Who is too lazy and self-centered to help him or herself? Who only brings negativity and misery to his or her surroundings? As I'm sure you've guessed, I believe that I am one of those people. I've never had a friend. I have been obese my entire life. I'm ugly, lazy, self-centered, selfish, mean, rude, have a complete lack of self-control, I'm a coward, I have no skills, and I could go on, but on a suicide forum, I'm sure you've heard it all.
I'm 25 years old and I've never had a boyfriend, and I never even had sex until March of this year, with a guy I met in an online game that I'd known for about a year. It mostly just hurt (physically) and we didn't speak much after. He's a good guy, I'm not blaming him; it's definitely me, for being ugly and bitchy and fat and stupid.
At any rate, I have nothing to live for, nothing of worth to contribute to individuals or society, and I've wanted to take my life for a decade now. I'm a coward as stated earlier and I once took a bunch of pills that didn't kill me, just made me a bit sick to my stomach with diarrhea. My biggest fear is screwing it up so badly that I'm left with permanent damage, but alive. I have a method that I believe will work now, that I won't detail here since it seems to be against the rules, but as long as I am not interrupted during the process (I won't be: read the no friends part above), I believe it will work.
I don't even know what I'm waiting for or why I'm posting here. It must mean I do want help. Or maybe I am a masochist and enjoy my own misery. Maybe it's my self-centeredness and I want a bit of attention, who knows?
Oh, and if you want to know just how fat, it's awful. I'm 260 lbs. right now, 5'5" female. In September of last year, I weighed a little over 310 lbs. I got down to 192 by August of this year. I fucked up and now I'm back up to 260. I clearly can't do it. I've pathetically eaten cookies and cheese puffs and mozzarella sticks all day, because I'm a loser. I feel sick even now. It's not even noon....