Some people on here......

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Unregistered 123456, Apr 19, 2008.

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  1. I'm a member here, but I want to remain anonomous.

    What is the point of trying to help someone if they don't want to accept your help? Surely there's a small part of them that is trying to get help, if they are posting on this site.

    I try and help someone, but find I can't. I'm not a trained counseller after all. I try my best, think over the answer carefully, try and offer valid points. At least make them feel like they are less alone.

    I try and be positive, try and offer solutions. But this positivity gets thrown back in my face again and again by different people on this site. I accept that i's hard to be positive about your own circumstances if you're suffering from depression. I know that myself. But why is it that I am abused, attacked, told I am wrong, etc. for trying to give them a positive response/advice?

    I mean, would they rather I just tell them to slit their throat right now, there's no hope?

    A lot of people on this site are incredibly arrogant about their depression. Maybe it's some sort of defence mechanism for their often low self esteem in ordinary life. But on here, they feel like they can come on, and tell someone else that they don't have a clue how they feel, that they've never been through pain like they have, that they've had a lucky breeze of a life.

    You don't know anything about me!

    Just because you feel bad about yourself, you hate yourself, you hate your life, you're so depressed there's no capacity for positivity in your thought process, don't attack me for still having a semblance of hope left.
  2. So basically now I feel like a complete outcast everywhere in life.

    Even on this site, a place where people like me are supposed to find some sort of refuge.

    I'm too negative in normal life, and I'm too positive on here.

    I should just stop bothering everyone and leave.
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Not all of us are negative hun :hug:
    We need all the positives we can gather so please stay.
  4. Broken Wings

    Broken Wings Well-Known Member

    If I ever do that, I give you permission to smack me until I either lose consciousness or regain my senses.

    I love hearing positives, especially well thought out positives. Even if I rebuke them, its always for a reason that I'll explain. I've been given suggestions on this site that just don't work for my current lifestyle, and are too hard currently to change to the point of being a possibility. I've been told to do more exercise(which I should!) and that since I like bike-riding, that should be how I do it. (yay.) But currently,(or, currently at the time of the op.) it was snowy and I had no tire for my bike. So I said so, and asked for other suggestions. I think that's the right way to deal with it?

    I know a lot of people have a much harder time fo life than me, and I know that people are only trying to help, so I try not to get snarky. (not to mention, I tend to find it hard to get angry/snarky at people I deem worth more than me.)

    But I disagree on one point. Even though one person can have a good and accurate idea of how someone feels, I think only the person feeling can know fully how they feel.

    So... yeah... I hope you stay, because positives are wonderfull things to have on a site like this.

    Good Luck. (hope this wasn't too long)
  5. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    If I personally have done this I'm sorry. But quite honestly when you're so far down a dark tunnel and someone is constantly flashing a light in your eyes in such darkness, it can become a triffle overwhelming and a little annoying when you have become accustomed to the dark. Maybe you just need a different approach.
  6. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    I agree with Terry, Broken Wings, and also itmahanh's points, too - I can see both sides of the coin.

    What I will say, to everyone in general, is that you need to work, and put some effort in yourself, in order to get better - we can't, and indeed, at the end of the day, no-one else can completely solve your issues for you - that takes 'you-time'. We can simply try and listen to your problems, but that is realistically as far as things can go on here.

    I know this is a bit off-topic, but something that had to be said, I think, for those who attack others because they ''don't know how they're feeling''.
  7. It's not like I go, 'cheer up, you never know what's around the corner, lots of people are worse off'

    I don't offer mindless sentiments, I read over the information in their post and try to find solutions to their problems. Or even tell them that I can identify with them, so they feel a little less isolated.

    I just think some people on this site don't like themselves very much and act very aggresively towards others as a consequence.
    I come on this site because I am vulnerable, depressed and feel isolated, how do you think it makes me feel when I get attacked after trying to help someone?
  8. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    when you are vulnerable and isolated, maybe that is the time for you to reach out for support, rather than offering support.

    i haven't seen alot of aggression in my few months here, but i have seen alot of "i couldn't possibly do x, y or z -- see a therapist, get meds, tell anyone how i felt, call a suicide line (you pick)...."

    we're dealing with mental health issues here, and at our most vulnerable it can be so hard to take action. sometimes we just want to be heard. for myself, i often just 'file away' good ideas and advice for a later day, when i am ready to make that next step.

    if negative responses are triggering for you (and they come from a single person) maybe you could always skip their threads or just block them?

    please don't stop being positive. maybe it's time to become more aware of your own reactions to negative people, and exercise some self-care.
  9. Whitewolf

    Whitewolf Well-Known Member

    We should all try our best to be self-less in order to help others in here, but recognize that it is not completely possible, especially given our unique situations.
  10. I'm sorry, I was just a bit cross yesterday.
    I just want to make it clear that the majority of SFers are really nice, kind, respectful people.
    I've read the posts and I can undestand both sides of the argument. I'm just very sensitive I suppose. I just feel a bit disheartened and stupid when someone rejects my post. I understand that this is my issue really, the whole world doesn't revolve around me, people have their own lives and problems to deal with.
    Thanks for the replies, especially the encouraging ones.
  11. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    I for one appreciate any response, especially if it's positive..heck having someone respond makes me feel human!! Nice to feel like I count too, if only to a few. I understand it can be draining to try and help someone and only be met with negativity and attacked. Had it happen too many times. Had to take breaks from it.
  12. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    I hope i am not one of those people but if i am i am so sorry about it. and i feel that i may well be one of them especially with my drinking and cussing i posted and should have just stayed offline, etc

    I have a lot of issues that bother me, and have many triggers and it is hard for others to see what i need in return .. I come off as a attention seeker, even been called an attention whore a time or two, and many other things. So i asked my Doc how i could explain it to others because when i post i try but the main reason nothing seems to help me or my pain is because no one truly understands my pain or what i feel or need so he gave me a link to a friend of his ( who is also a medical doctor himself ) that explaines it better then i ever could. it is in the links and resource area..

    i think that until anyone can understand what a person living that is dying from a terminal illness needs then they will never know how to help them.. For me thats my problem, everyone has tried to help me and nothing seems to be working and i think the reason for that is because others dont fully understand or know what it is i seek or need.

    I want to die, then again i do not want to die ( hense why i am here now ) and then theres not wanting to suffer a hard death with harsh physical pain so i want the easy way out by suicide,

    Abascus and the rest our right, ask for support when you need it and try to help when you feel you can.. if we all lean upon each other then maybe we all can survive better.. two or three or four are better then one and it gives us more strength to fight and continue on.

    Again if i have rejected you or anyone elses help. i am sorry for that..


    White Dove
  13. April

    April Member

    Im sorry that sometimes people have been arses but, i now for me, people can regress when they become depressed and become the selfish little child they were when they were 5. Im not trying to condone them or myself but we all that bitchy person somedays, sometimes we dont even notice it.
  14. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    Im sorry that your having that experience here. Many people get defence because they have heard it all to many times and get tired of hearing the same old advice over and over again. We get upset when those things dont work for us and it makes us angry to hear them suggested to us a million times over... Just my thoughts on this...
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