Some points why my life is worthless

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by the_roof_is_leaking, Jun 15, 2007.

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  1. the_roof_is_leaking

    the_roof_is_leaking New Member

    I don't really know why I'm here because to be honest I just get annoyed when people online say positive things to me :sad:

    But here's a brief outline of my 'life' (I'm a bitter old woman *lol*) -

    Saw a documentary thing about depression and although it affected this person in a different way to me, I basically somehow made the connection that this is what was wrong with me too.
    So basically went to the doctor and said I think I'm depressed.

    Gave me tablets. Didn't work. Uped the dosage. Didn't work. I gave up on them and stopped taking them (Plus I've always had a serious problem taking tablets, even really small one's make me feel sick and it takes me so long to swallow them)
    Oh yeah, for ages there was no psychiatrist here for ages then they got one but since he came from the next town, he's only in this town a few days every now and then.
    Anytime I seen him, i was with him for about 15-30 minutes and only saw him about every six months.
    Plus he asked me the same stupid questions each time - nothing really like, what was the last thing that made you upset? Why did it make you upset? - because at least with asking things like that we could get somewhere, I could discover/realise things about myself.
    I started cutting myself and eventually got the courage to tell someone - then was just passed through about 4 different people and the shrink talked to me like I was hiding something when I sat and told him the truth. So that just made me think, why tell you anything when you don't even believe me?

    Last time I tried to kill myself I text 3 different people, and not one of them replied.
    I'm a quiet person, when I talk to my 'friends' I just chat normal. I could understand if I always complained about things and/or seeked attention that they would just roll their eyes and ignore the suicide bid, so it just seems they're too wrapped up in their own feelings - they dont want to feel akward or anything and they just ignore me, who cares if one day I'm successful in my suicide bid.

    Had a great boyfriend, he said he loved me, I was special etc then decides the age difference is a problem and dumps me so he can shag sluts the rest of his life.
    He either got scared I'd leave him just like his younger ex-wife did and didnt want to risk getting hurt like that again, or discovered I was a crap girlfriend.
    Either way, he should've thought twice before constantly telling me he loves me and we'd always be great friends.
    I can stand being just friends but he's shut me out so much from when we were together. He has recently lost two loved ones though and maybe he's scared to let anyone else close, scared he'll lose me etc but I really need him sometimes as a friend and I wish I could prove to him I'll always be here if he needs me - just to chat, hang out etc. I'll always have a love for him and care for him but I cant get him to understand that.

    Sorry, thats all I can be bothered to write at the moment

    And I cant access either of the chat rooms here.
    Only other active depression chat room i found was in yahoo chat but all I get there is some idiots looking for a date and/or visa
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 15, 2007
  2. Erebos

    Erebos Well-Known Member

    I'm hesitent to believe that no one would care if you were to leave. Regardless of how close you were to someone, even if he/she was just a mere acquaintence you passed by once, most people would still hurt having lost that person. People do care much more than we often give them credit for. It just might be hard to show it.

    But the real question is, do you care that they care?
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