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Some sort of title

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by BlackNine, Jun 2, 2010.

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  1. BlackNine

    BlackNine New Member

    Well, you should know why I'm here. Thing is, I'm not depressed, or anxious. I'm actually quite happy, or at least not depressed. But I have come to the realization that I'll probably never be happy. I can be content with stuff, sure, but as for happy? Probably not. Why? It seems that I am emotionally unable to form any sort of connection with anyone, even my 80 year old grandmother. Example from a few weeks ago:

    I was in need of some cigarettes, so I started pissing her off so she'd give some money to me. Eventually, she gave in:

    her: here's 4 dollars. Now why don't you try being nicer?
    me: gonna take more than 4 dollars to do that.

    Of course, this seems to be a pattern in my behavior. 1) be a dick 2) don't care about others' feelings 3) end all relationships with a bang. Do I have a problem with the fact I do this? Nope. I have no real strong emotions about it either way.

    So, since I have no real way to form an emotional connection with anyone, why, then, should I live? If there is no reason to live, and no real joy in life, why live it? And, if there is a reason to live, I obviously won't be able to fulfill it. Then why live?

    Therapy doesn't work; to quote my therapist: "there just isn't anything we can do for you."

  2. rojomi

    rojomi Banned Member

    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 2, 2010
  3. Terra

    Terra Well-Known Member

    Actually I can relate somewhat to this...
    If people/actions don't benefit in someway, find something else to do.
    I really don't suffer any major depression/illness either, nor do i feel happiness in the jumpy up and down way. I would like to be able to feel something like love or hate for that matter. And as you said, it's possible with relationships, but some are just not effective anymore and then why should we take detours trying to end it?

    Maybe you never really will feel extreme joy in life, but heck it's still worth it.
    And it's not like you don't know what feelings are right? as you said, you know you are being a dick and do what you need to get what you want. So why not just lead a "normal" life, withouth nosy people asking about stuffs.
    You would probably make a awesome jury member.
    Just find something productive to do,even if it doesn't make you happy, the one weak feeling of accomplishment is pretty heavy in seemingly meaningless times.
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