some stuff... *Trigger*

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Jess, Sep 20, 2006.

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  1. Jess

    Jess Guest

    Usually I don't like talking about this sort of thing. Well, not that I do at all.. but normally I try to avoid it at all cost. But I'm writing about it now. hmm... I guess I decided I should since it's back and bothering me....

    I went nearly four weeks without it. Three days short of the "official" four week date. I guess that's good right? I mean, that's something at least.

    Well, lately, you all know the stuff that's been going on, forthe most part. And it doesn't take much to make me go back to this thing. my only means to get through some of the stress and pain going on inside of me.

    Coping.... I guess I've never really learned a "proper" way to let things out. Other than taking them out on myself. Before that was just holding it inside. Which is equally bad I guess :unsure: How can you really cope? I mean, how can you actually change from what you know and what works? regardless of it's healthiness or lack thereof. A lot of people, most of them actually. say how mature I am for my age and blah blah blah.. such like that. But I realize, and I guess they should too.. but they won't. that I'm a kid. I'm still just 16..

    ok. well. the point of this.. aside of the babbling. (I'm good at that huh?) Yes, I want to cut. To put it completely bluntly. I swear to god there's nothing holding me back from taking the blade and cutting so deep there's no turning back. and I'm not afraid of that. Is that wrong? I haven't yet... obviously.. but god knows when I will.

    I just wish someone was here. Someone I trusted enough with this stuff to take it from me. To care about that other than just sending me off to some hospital or therapist. I want something real..... :cry:
    Not that I do'nt have my dad here for me.. but he's stuck up in his own stuff.. don't blame him.. he's got a lot going on.. and he does pay attention to me.. just.. well I guess it goes along with being 16.. not wanting the parents involved.. rather someone, anyone else....

    ahh forget it..
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