Some stuff

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by aki, May 11, 2011.

  1. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    A few thoughts I just want to put down;

    I feel very anxious around people. I worry what they think. I think everyone else thinks I'm crazy or stupid or they dislike me. I worry about what I said during the day.

    I worry I'm a nuisance. I feel like people look at me with fear, disgust, pity. I feel anxious when out on the street, like I'll see someone I know or used to know, or that people are looking at me and judging me.

    I feel guilt. A lot of guilt.

    I feel like everyone knows about my problems, people gossip about these things. I worry what people know and say behind my back.

    I think my extended family dislike me intensely, judge me, think I'm lazy, pathetic, weird.

    No one seems to be able to help me. Apparently I don't have any sort of illness. Apparently I just have a crap life. I don't have the same definition of a good life as most people, but I know it's my problems with my mood and so on that is preventing me from achieving what I want to do. It's so frustrating...

    And then I get asked if I dropped out of college as a rebellion against my parents? By my psychologist who obviously knows about my problems? Wtf? You think I'm pretending in some pathetic act of anger? You think I would sabotage myself like that?

    And it's so frustrating suffering intensely and then being told my 'experts' and self appointed experts in life that what I'm going through isn't that bad.
  2. the masked depressant

    the masked depressant Well-Known Member


    you arn't alone- i can realte to most of what you say!

    i feel really anxious going out- and only do it if i really have to

    i feel that i'm being judged all the time, people arn't willing to understand what's going on (and it's frustrating!)

    my whole family hate me- when they are around me they pretend that everything is fine.. but soon backstab me

    welcome to sf, btw
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I'm the same.. I think people are laughing at me and talking about me.. Then there are the stares..What is wrong with me.. I tell my therapist about this and she says FUCK THEM..There not going to harm you..
  4. dexter23

    dexter23 New Member

    I feel the same when I am out in public, like I am being constantly stared at. I fear being judged by others, It is really hard to get past all of these thoughts, I struggle talking to people. I still live in hope of getting past these problems, I dont know for how much longer.
  5. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    :arms: aki, i dont think any of that in regard to you.
    When i see you, i only wonder whats going on, that i wish i was trusted enough to be let in, but all in good time. :smile:
    I dont think yoru crazy, i dont think your lying, I dont think your annoying, nothing. You aki, and I'd love to pull you out of all this somehow, just not sure how without making you go further into yoru shell.
    :hug: aki, my friend you will always be :smile:
  6. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that you relate but I'm glad also that I'm not alone in feeling this...thank you for sharing.

    It's quite hard for me, personally, not to care though. I can't really force myself to stop caring about what other's think..I kind of wish I didn't. But as you say they can't actually do anything.

    Yes it is a struggle, I hope I can too. I'm sorry.

    Thank you! :hug: I think you're quite astute about the shell thing. It's not really a trust thing, it's a fear I have around everyone. Which I need to work on.
  7. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    I know, i saw the few times we were about each other, I feel I shouldve met you more when we were both living in dublin, but i failed on that front.
    I think you just need someone to feel secure in, as in to have around you when you go out or something.
    Just wish i couldve helped more, cause i think yoru great, :smile:
    Oh and she has a really cheeky grin peoples haha :laugh: