Some support/help please

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ClumsyFreddyMac, Dec 15, 2014.

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  1. I keep having suicidal thoughts which have become more severe in the last few days. I have no worries in life, i'm in a job that I enjoy, i'm not in debt, i'm married to someone who I love dearly. I've got a dog too that I love so much. What I am saying which is part of what I am struggling with is that I am not depressed about my life. Infact if any of my family of friends were reading this they would be adamant that there is no way I could be feeling like this as I am so happy in life. When the thoughts of taking my own life wash over me they are so strong. I won't go into specifics but the ways I have thought of doing it are very final. I wouldn't even leave a note to explain my actions just do it. I told my wife everything on Saturday night and she was very understanding. She insisted I went to my GP today for help however yesterday afternoon I told her the feelings had gone and i'll be okay. The feelings had gone it's not like I think of doing anything all the time, it's like a compulsion that comes over me. Just this morning when I woke up I was happy, feeling better then when I was in the bath I started crying for no reason, I wasn't even thinking about anything in particular. I started thinking of a way to end it all and again without going in to specifics it would take several stages of preperation and I got to the stage of if I do this first part I know it would lead to the second step so I didn't do it. I haven't told my wife about how i've felt this morning, although she has been understanding I don't want her to worry or make me go to the doctor. I know that I need help with this but I feel my GP will just give me some 'happy pills' or not understand what I mean when I try and explain my thoughts and feelings. I have spoken to the Samaratans yesterday morning and think i'll phone them again in a minute but as good as they are at listening I realise I need actual physical help with my problem. I do have self esteem issues which when I look at myself rationally I know are silly, i'm not ugly or fat (although I could lose my beer belly lol) but these issues have made me accuse my wife of cheating or wanting to find someone else. Of course telling her how i'm feeling makes me think that maybe it will push her away and she might get sick of being someone who is mental. I have had thoughts of suicide for several years but it used to be very rare maybe once every few months so it didn't seem like a big deal. But now with it being a few times a day and it's a much more compelling feeling to do it I know I need help. I'm hoping someone reading this can understand what i'm going through and if possibly let me know how to cope. I forgot to say that I started self harming just scratching and biting myself but had strong thoughts on using a knife to cause cuts.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are depressed and definitely you need intervention either through your doctor or a therapist to help you deal with the suicidal ideation.
    Keeping things locked inside away from people will only build up and pull you deeper into the negative way you are feeling

    So listen to your wife ok call your doc get a referal to talk to a specialist that can treat you either with meds or therapy but doing nothing will not help you ok
    do something to stop the thoughts from reoccurring
  3. Thank you, I have an appointment with my doctor very shortly.
  4. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am glad you have an appointment and hope they can help come up with a strategy to improve your quality of life and ease the depression. You deserve to feel good.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Best of luck with your appointment. I read your original post and all I can say is depression can hit anyone from all walks of life. Let us know how your appointment goes. You are worthy of support :)
  6. Thank you's, he's given me some medication (Citalopram) and referred me to a mental health team. It went better than I expected.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Awesome, that is a great start to recovery. I assume he told you citalopram (called cipramil here) can take 6-8 weeks for full effect. So glad it went better than expected. Well done. Good luck with the mental health team.
  8. Cheers yes he said it can take time I'm just so grateful I'm getting some help. These feelings are new to me so very scary.
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Yes it is scary at first, but with the proper support and help you WILL get better. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders so best of luck to you. You CAN do this. No need to be scared here although I can see why...I think you'll get better slowly but will do it :)
  10. Thanks so much.
  11. My suicidal thoughts have stopped (for now) but have been self harming and feeling very anxious. Both today and Thursday I have felt totally fine, very happy infact. I've got a mental health assessment on Wednesday morning.
  12. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Do you know what triggers you to self harm and feel anxious
  13. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    It's brilliant to see good progress already,I think that may be because you started with a positive attitude which I think helps! Congratulations to you...feelng good just in time for christmas :hug:
  14. No idea! If I had something going on that I was worried about or something had happened I would be less confused and worried.
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