Some thoughts on dom violence services

[Catch_22]

They say go to domestic violence
But not if you are hit with words
Or being controlled
Then they say get a therapist
You are codependent
But the research validates victim's experiences
They are being preyed upon, poisoned and attacked
Codependency label being used as a weapon against victims
Being coercively controlled, further confusing and controlling them


When you go to therapy, the therapist will explain
that beating yourself up emotionally or mentally
is violence to the self
Then why is it not violence when someone else is doing it to you
When a victim rejects the codependency label
They are attacked as not looking like the proper victim
It seems so funny no one can see who made these rules
Other than the unsupported victims

But don't try to explain why you need support
Or a safe place to live if you aren't being punched in the moment
Because no where is available, and maybe the people
working at domestic violence
Seem a little to similar to your abusers

How to get domestic violence help
If that help is also controlling
How to communicate this to a world that is certain
Societal systems help everyone, are good at heart
And know everything

And all hell is opened up for the children
who remain developmentally altered
From years and years of harm
As their adult bodies and minds get attacked
Their child physiology stuck in time
A neon sign for predators to find
To be reharmed or killed
While good people remain ignorant
And the complicit deny and chant
He said she said it's a bad relationship
It was consensual
The free prey signs walking around
bodies wired in hyperarousal,
heads unable to bow in shame
Victims silenced and at their perpetrator's mercy
And domestic violence doesn't even have a word for this.
I write from the u.s.
I do not write to offend.
I write because abuse and torture
is accepted and enabled here
I speak for myself
But all other victims I have met
With nowhere to go
No clue and no answers
Many of them not even sure
they should be saying what I am.
But we all know what others haven't learned
Or refuse to see

Domestic violence help is only available
For certain forms of it
And for certain people
It's very difficult to get societal help
for something all of society is participating in.
In the u.s. we are in a domestic violence relationship
with the dominant parts of society
Our country's name itself, doublespeak
victim services are not immune
To sociopathy and narcissism
many victims will never become survivors

 

[Atreides]

That's some powerful stuff you wrote. A lot of people struggle to get the help they need. I hope you get the help you need. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[MisterBGone]

They say go to domestic violence
But not if you are hit with words
Or being controlled
Then they say get a therapist
You are codependent
But the research validates victim's experiences
They are being preyed upon, poisoned and attacked
Codependency label being used as a weapon against victims
Being coercively controlled, further confusing and controlling them


When you go to therapy, the therapist will explain
that beating yourself up emotionally or mentally
is violence to the self
Then why is it not violence when someone else is doing it to you
When a victim rejects the codependency label
They are attacked as not looking like the proper victim
It seems so funny no one can see who made these rules
Other than the unsupported victims

But don't try to explain why you need support
Or a safe place to live if you aren't being punched in the moment
Because no where is available, and maybe the people
working at domestic violence
Seem a little to similar to your abusers

How to get domestic violence help
If that help is also controlling
How to communicate this to a world that is certain
Societal systems help everyone, are good at heart
And know everything

And all hell is opened up for the children
who remain developmentally altered
From years and years of harm
As their adult bodies and minds get attacked
Their child physiology stuck in time
A neon sign for predators to find
To be reharmed or killed
While good people remain ignorant
And the complicit deny and chant
He said she said it's a bad relationship
It was consensual
The free prey signs walking around
bodies wired in hyperarousal,
heads unable to bow in shame
Victims silenced and at their perpetrator's mercy
And domestic violence doesn't even have a word for this.
I write from the u.s.
I do not write to offend.
I write because abuse and torture
is accepted and enabled here
I speak for myself
But all other victims I have met
With nowhere to go
No clue and no answers
Many of them not even sure
they should be saying what I am.
But we all know what others haven't learned
Or refuse to see

Domestic violence help is only available
For certain forms of it
And for certain people
It's very difficult to get societal help
for something all of society is participating in.
In the u.s. we are in a domestic violence relationship
with the dominant parts of society
Our country's name itself, doublespeak
victim services are not immune
To sociopathy and narcissism
many victims will never become survivors

Wow, @Catch_22 - that is something that is so incredibly Heartbreaking, and sad to hear if true. . . And what I mean by that, is simply that I was unaware of this reality--to what you are now bringing my attention too! And that - "hopefully," it is not the same experience for a vast majority of, or too many others (who are in similar shoes as you!). Initially, I might or may think: (but) How can this be? And then the more I think about it... & read what you write, and listen to what you say (as well as think about the "system," that is set-up in place) I can see how this could certainly come to be. Unfortunately!

Now, I want to compliment you on your writing & your writing, "style~" I guess? . . . For lack, or want of a 'better-.' You write with a clarity of focus, and an intenstiy of powerful emotion, and crescendo (in this piece in particular). It is 'poetic,' and it is beautiful; despite it's inherent tragedy (involved)...

I can only hope that you are able to find some comfort --from some where / or some place else, I guess?-- in the handling of this matter. Where, I don't know or have the answer(s). I do know that at some of the places in which I've worked for Adults with severe mental illness & such, some of the times, women have gone to stay at shelters for domestic violence. Though as to the nature, or degree with which they would or might have encountered such resistance, and lack of acknowledgement; support (& "help,") - I could not say. I only remember some of them sharing that their experiences were for the most part, I'd gathered, not overly negative.

Anyway keep up hope & don't give up! There may be something out there for you, somewhere~ : )

 

[Catch_22]

Wow, @Catch_22 - that is something that is so incredibly Heartbreaking, and sad to hear if true. . . And what I mean by that, is simply that I was unaware of this reality--to what you are now bringing my attention too! And that - "hopefully," it is not the same experience for a vast majority of, or too many others (who are in similar shoes as you!). Initially, I might or may think: (but) How can this be? And then the more I think about it... & read what you write, and listen to what you say (as well as think about the "system," that is set-up in place) I can see how this could certainly come to be. Unfortunately!

Now, I want to compliment you on your writing & your writing, "style~" I guess? . . . For lack, or want of a 'better-.' You write with a clarity of focus, and an intenstiy of powerful emotion, and crescendo (in this piece in particular). It is 'poetic,' and it is beautiful; despite it's inherent tragedy (involved)...

I can only hope that you are able to find some comfort --from some where / or some place else, I guess?-- in the handling of this matter. Where, I don't know or have the answer(s). I do know that at some of the places in which I've worked for Adults with severe mental illness & such, some of the times, women have gone to stay at shelters for domestic violence. Though as to the nature, or degree with which they would or might have encountered such resistance, and lack of acknowledgement; support (& "help,") - I could not say. I only remember some of them sharing that their experiences were for the most part, I'd gathered, not overly negative.

Anyway keep up hope & don't give up! There may be something out there for you, somewhere~ : )

 

[Catch_22]

I have been everywhere. I have talked to ritual abuse victims all over he world since 2014 and it's the same everywhere. This country and many others all do this to ra victims. Why would they have anywhere for victims to go who can expose the people who are doing evil things in gov, societal systems and more. Women's shelters also employ narcissistic people and consider violent immidiate physical abuse the only precursor to needing immidiate safe shelter. They have cognitive dissonance issues with comprehending what dom violence is. Two domestic violence places turned me away in this state, and in two others this also has occurred causing me to run from state to state for my life. One domestic violence place I went to was aware of ra and said they couldn't help and they employed a sociopathic psychiatrist I had been sent to before by the mental health system. I ran right back to the abuser because I have no other people. Wouldn't have stayed w them when they had no problem employing a predator and telling a victim of that predator to fuck off. A women's shelter was called by a dissociated fragment a month ago and the woman spoken to was nice and seemed interested but had no clue and couldn't help besides learning about it. She literally told me as a victim to go educate people as if I'm not needing support. She's the best we have ever encountered and she wouldn't even help. And that's the standard. There aren't exit avenues for people harmed or threatened by cults especially second or third generation victims. Many excult support services are usually ran by cults themselves as covers and ways to keep their castoffs from being helped or exposing the org. A good example of this is CAN which used to help cult victims supposedly until scientology took it over and secretly but not so secretly runs it. Only recently in california and hawaii are there even coercive control laws. They only got passed during the pandemic. Aside from france, scotland and ireland and maybe one other country, no laws exist to protect victims and it's all very recent -like within the last two years. These laws will also be used by predators to frame their victims, so it's very serious. Most victims like me don't make it past their twenties if they survive that long. Many are on drugs or homeless or being treated as mentally ill when they are not. Even social workers are on on it.

Thanks for the compliment. And as always, thank you for reading and responding. It means a lot that eyes become opened to this very fucked up reality. -rin

 

[A_J_R]

This is heartbreaking and I'm so sorry. I agree that your original post is incredibly powerful, and I would also agree that the system is fatally flawed. I hope you can find some help. Sounds awful.

 

[KM76710]

Sad to read, but very true about much of society. The system is flawed when the victim and predator are flipped. The victim ignored and the predator does not typically end up facing their own kind one on one.

 

[Acy]

I volunteer with a victim services agency that deals mostly with domestic violence. We DO include verbal and emotional abuse as a form of domestic violence. It’s a shame that you have been treated in a way that makes you feel invalidated. It is not the victim’s fault! It is NOT your fault!

It can be confusing to call a hotline and be asked if you have seen a therapist...The question isn’t about the person being to blame or ill, but about trying ensure that the victim has some support in place. I just thought I’d mention that in just in case.

You are here with us now. That’s a very courageous step. I think you are strong and you can find a way through this. Keep talking and we will keep listening.

 

[Catch_22]

I volunteer with a victim services agency that deals mostly with domestic violence. We DO include verbal and emotional abuse as a form of domestic violence. It’s a shame that you have been treated in a way that makes you feel invalidated. It is not the victim’s fault! It is NOT your fault!

It can be confusing to call a hotline and be asked if you have seen a therapist...The question isn’t about the person being to blame or ill, but about trying ensure that the victim has some support in place. I just thought I’d mention that in just in case.

You are here with us now. That’s a very courageous step. I think you are strong and you can find a way through this. Keep talking and we will keep listening.

Thank you. That's nice to hear, truly but does not seem to be very common. Is this victim's agency in the u.s. ? They deal with cult victims and coercive control and ritual abuse?

 

[KM76710]

What is saddest is what the victims, the kids and women who are victims of domestic violence go through. I actually know where the local shelter is physically in this area in Central Texas. I helped to deliver presents more than a few years and over the years. The innocent victims you leave them alone.

 

[Acy]

Thank you. That's nice to hear, truly but does not seem to be very common. Is this victim's agency in the u.s. ? They deal with cult victims and coercive control and ritual abuse?

I’m not sure if they deal specifically with “cult victims and coercive control and ritual abuse.” I would expect that if a victim stepped forward or someone passed info to the police that they’d been abused in those ways, there would be an investigation; then, the victim services and the counselling would be to help the victim of those trauma(s). Confidentiality is essential in the work, so we do no not share stories and details. There could be many such cases or none or just a few.

A label can help to identify kinds of abuse and/or the sorts of things that may have happened to someone. From a supportive perspective, it’s more important to be there for the person. Also, from my low level of experience in this, all kinds of abuse and severe trauma can significantly harm a person’s sense of self and their sense that they can trust people and the world to be safe. Coercion, violence, humiliation, verbal abuse...any of those and more...are traumatic. Healing begins as we learn to trust the world and other people again. Perhaps in baby steps.

I hope you can find the information and support you want. Be safe.

 

[Catch_22]

I’m not sure if they deal specifically with “cult victims and coercive control and ritual abuse.” I would expect that if a victim stepped forward or someone passed info to the police that they’d been abused in those ways, there would be an investigation; then, the victim services and the counselling would be to help the victim of those trauma(s). Confidentiality is essential in the work, so we do no not share stories and details. There could be many such cases or none or just a few.

A label can help to identify kinds of abuse and/or the sorts of things that may have happened to someone. From a supportive perspective, it’s more important to be there for the person. Also, from my low level of experience in this, all kinds of abuse and severe trauma can significantly harm a person’s sense of self and their sense that they can trust people and the world to be safe. Coercion, violence, humiliation, verbal abuse...any of those and more...are traumatic. Healing begins as we learn to trust the world and other people again. Perhaps in baby steps.

I hope you can find the information and support you want. Be safe.

No, sorry. The police 100% are involved protecting cults. That's not how it works at all. They don't care about ra victims, ra victims BECOME the police and other people within the system's victims. Absolutely no investigation. They help get rid of victims.
Most ritual abuse victims have no idea what is going on, and no idea what to call it, same with most forms of abuse that are not direct hitting unless you got lucky to hear of that kind of abuse from somewhere. Police don't even care about domestic violence. This is not how it works widespread, and again for ra victims and victims of coercive control, the police are not your friends. Neither are the mental health system or the gov systems.
The rest of what you wrote I agree with fully. The issue for victims like this, is no one cares about their safety. I hope it changes. Nowhere when I needed support helped anyone for any kind of verbal abuse baseline. I'm glad to know for some victims they are getting that help, but this still reinforces my point. Help available is very selective and doesn't include this group of people.

Thanks for the response.