Somebody PLEASE HELP ME!!!

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by HiddenTears, Nov 9, 2009.

  1. HiddenTears

    HiddenTears Well-Known Member

    Let me start off by saying I don't know who I'm talking to. I'm just typing what I'm thinking and everything is addressed to the "people in my life." This is nothing against anyone here, I love you all.

    PLEASE HELP ME!!!! I want so bad for someone to know how much I'm hurting and to HELP me. I can't understand why there isn't any good person in the world. I would help you if you needed anything. If you wanted to call me in the middle of the night and needed to talk or you want me to do something for you, I WOULD DO IT! So why won't you treat me the same way? I would care if you were hurting, why don't you care about me? I know you know how much pain I am in. I also know you ignore me, you pretend I don't post or say what I post and say... You don't want to deal with it. You rub it off like I just want attention, but really I just want to fit in. I look up to you, because you have everything I want. I want to be like you, I want to have a friend. There are so many good people on this forum, why can't I find them in my real life?

    I want to change, but I'm afraid I won't be around much longer. I'm becoming the old me and I hate him even more than I hate me. You can change that by just talking to me... But you don't.... I would help you... I want someone to drink with and someone to just hang out with. I want to love someone, but who will want me when I'm like this? I have to change, but I NEED HELP!

    I just wish someone was out there who could help me. I hate my life and I hate myself, but I don't want to. I want to get through this before I end my life. I don't want to end my life, but there isn't another option when all I know is pain and frustration. WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!

    If I wasn't such a hard ass, I would be crying right now. I would cry nonstop, everyday, all day. I want to stop crying. I want someone to finally try and help me instead of leaving me alone. I WANT HELP!! I would help you....
     
  2. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    im here:) just posting that first so you know im here. Going to read your post now :) hang in there. x
     
  3. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    Hi Dom

    I understand how you are feeling. I would do anything for anyone if they needed me but sometimes i dont feel that support back.

    I actually tried to change myself for the worst. I actually tried to be a horrible person so that i wouldnt get hurt anymore, like if i acted the way i percieved others to act that maybe i wouldnt feel the pain of needing someone....THAT DIDNT WORK! The only person that you can be is you and you know and I know that you are a good person so why would you want to change that. You will always come into contact with the insensitive people of this world so always be aware of that but look at all the good people on this forum, we are apart of the world too and someday you will come across similar people in real life and you will appreciate them and hang onto them and enjoy them.

    If you ever need me in the middle of the night or need to talk, just visit my inbox and ill get back to you as soon as i can :)

    Kate
    x
     
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: My PM box is always open if you want to talk.
     
  5. HiddenTears

    HiddenTears Well-Known Member

    Thank you Kate, I too have tried to shut myself off from the world in order to save myself from being hurt. But I found that lonliness can be the greatest pain of all. I mean no disrespect to anyone here, I know that you are all wonderful people so please don't think that I am ranting about anyone on this site. I just wish the people in my personal life were as caring and supportive as the people I have found here. My point is, I would be there for them. If the situation was reversed, I would do what I could to prove to them that I care about them and that I will fight to help them through whatever no matter how long and painful of a road it is. I think my problem is I care too much for the people who are willing to write me off as a person... It's obvious that I'm alone, in pain, and in trouble. But if this were them, I would help.

    And I NEED HELP. I don't want to die anymore, but there isn't any good alternative. This isn't a goodbye world thread, this is a cry for help. I vowed to stay alive, but I'm becoming the old me again and it's because I am so alone. Nobody cares how much I'm hurting. I'm just there... And worst of all I think if I did die, people would be like, "Good ridence." I don't want it to be like this.

    Thanks Alison and Kate. I appreciate your offers. I wish there were beautiful people like you in my personal life.
     
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know talking to people here isn't the same as having supportive people in your personal life. But it can help; I've built long-lasting friendships here and on other sites like this. If the people in your personal life aren't giving you the support you need, reach out and get it from people who WILL give it to you.
     
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey sorry you feel so lonely i know it can be hard trying to get people to see just how much pain you are in. I hide mine from my family as they have enough to deal with. There is alot of kind people here and i hope you can meet up and make friends here. my pm open to don't ever feel that your all alone okay
    there is always someone here to talk to take care:rose:
     
  8. HiddenTears

    HiddenTears Well-Known Member

    It's not that I don't want to reach out to people here, it's that I want human contact. I want to be able to look at someone and just talk to them. What hurts me the most is that if someone needed something from me, I would be there. I post and say things to people in my personal life and they pretend like they don't hear it. Or purposely take it to mean something else because they don't want to deal with me.

    I also hide my feelings from my family, but they have to know. I'm good at shutting things off, but EVERYONE has to know something isn't right. Thanks for your offer. I just wish I could meet somebody in my personal life that will take the time to get to know me. I'm such a good person, and I am in so much trouble. I gave up being the old me to let people into my life, but nobody wants to be in it. I'm slipping back to my old self and I don't want to be him. But I don't want to live if it's going to be like this either.
     
  9. I need help

    I need help Well-Known Member

    Hey Dom...
    like all the nice people here i'm here to offer my support! :)
    I know what its like to feel alone..you can lean for help on people you know online...we're as good listeners as "real life" people...we are real ...we just arent sitting next to you ..but next to the computer! :)
    so you can send me a pm if you wanna talk to someone :)
    hope you feel better!
     
  10. HiddenTears

    HiddenTears Well-Known Member

    Thank you. I know that. I know you are all wonderful people, just the fact that you are talking to me shows that. Nobody else wants to. I'm just sick of being a recluse, I want to go out and experience the real world. I want someone who understands me or cares enough to try and help me. I want to go out drinking, I want to watch a movie and just hang out, I want to just talk to someone face to face. I'm trying so hard to let my pain out to people who actually see me, but noone cares. And it hurts me so much because I would care for them. Maybe I'm not good enough to deserve a friend or even a conversation. Maybe I don't belong here. Everyday I wish I were dead so I could look up or down and see if anyone really liked me, if they would talk about me, or even acknowledge that I existed. What would they say about me? How did they feel? But if they were trying to tell me something that was this life threatening, I would listen and I would help...

    I love you all because of the love that you have shown me, but I need face to face contact before I do something I might regret.
     
  11. I need help

    I need help Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean about wondering if anyone would care..i have had those same thoughts myself...i'm sure they would care!..we'd care!..even though none of us on here has (probably)ever met you- we still care!..so I bet people that "actually know" you would surely care!
    and if you want more attention than they can give you - maybe you should make more connections with other people - I know its not easy..i find it difficult to approach new people....but its possible!
    just have (at least some) faith!
     
  12. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    hi
    how are you...

    im so sorry that I didnt much a helper...I feel you...but I dont have any advice...and you are already my friend...you can PM me even in the midle of the night...Ill reply as soon as posible...I know its not enough & you wanna face to face friend...and you try to change and fit in...but im not place to give advice cos as many as I change nothing change...nobody like me ever...and im sitting cant fit anywhere...so im sorry :sad: anyway the onlything Iam confortable doing is being myself & coping with filling my free time...

    take care
     
  13. HiddenTears

    HiddenTears Well-Known Member

    I wish I could meet new people, but every time I try I have a voice in my head that is saying noone likes you now, why would they? So I hold myself back. I would love to make new friends and find people to hang out with but I'm just not good at it. I have no faith, because I know how my life is. I want to change so bad, but I need help. I appreciate your kind words. It's nice to know that someone cares about me even if its just a little. Thank you.


    Thanks bubblin. And I like you. I wish people like us could find something better for ourselves. I'm sick of being hurt and I know that you must be too. What is wrong with us? We are good people, why can't we find someone to help us in our personal lives? I can tell that you and I are a lot alike, so I hope things are going good with you atleast.
     
  14. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    again i am sorry for your lonliness your pain the only way to get people contact is to go out and get it. Go shopping go library join a team of some sort do volunteer work at a shelter or with animals take a course at college that interest you something fun so you can meet people same interest. If you are upbeat self confident that will show and people will want to be there
    we all suffer from insecurities we can't let them get in our way of fulfilling our dreams. Please i am talking from experiance i was nothing a noone but i used my anger to show them all i could become someone and i did. Please don't give up on people get out amongst them as much as you can be positive be secure in who you are it will happen you will find someone to be your friend. How do i know because you are so caring and understanding shown by your writing just be you okay take care.
     
  15. HiddenTears

    HiddenTears Well-Known Member

    Thanks violet, you always have something nice to say :). I just finished college and played hockey for the school team. I have hobbies and still play sports, but everyone treats me the same. I go and do my thing then I am finished. And no matter how good I am, I am always treated like I am not there. On the rink people recognize me but when I step off I am just depressed, peice of shit me. And I know what you mean, anger has motivated me to become better. But I don't want to be angry anymore. I want to let this pain inside of me out, but there is noone there. I'm crying out for help to the few people who know me, and it's like I'm already dead.
     
  16. I need help

    I need help Well-Known Member

    Hey!
    I know its dificult! as i already said...but you must keep trying...at some point you'll meet the right person ( or people!) who'd be a lot more like you than you can think..and you will have a connection with them and you'll be able to share thoughts and feelings!....cause there are people like us..that have hard time meeting new people and opening up to them..and they might spot you and try to open up to u..you just need to be willing to open up to them...try to appear nice and approachable.. :)
    and as i said you can always pm me if you have something you wanna talk about :)
     
  17. HiddenTears

    HiddenTears Well-Known Member

    Thank you. I hope I can meet some people like that soon. I don't ever want to stop trying but I keep failing. I just have so much that I want to let out but can't. I know that I can do it here and sometimes it makes me feel better, but then it just makes me wish I had someone to say these things to in my personal life. I am suffering, and I wish someone would end it or atleast try and get through to me. I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I'm lost and noone wants to find me. But I would send out the swat team to look for them... I guess I care too much about other people who are not really friends.

    Thank you, that offer goes out to you aswell.
     
  18. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

    It's okay

    I would love to get to know you. Hop on my friend. :brett: I'll pm you. I'm here a lot, you're here now, cool.

    You're fine as you are, I don't care what you've done or are going to do.

    I'm a compulsive rule breaker, but I've got a kind heart, a lot of people say, strangely XD.

    Chin up, keep fighting, I believe in you. I value you. You're a jewel in my heart.
     
  19. HiddenTears

    HiddenTears Well-Known Member

    Re: It's okay

    Thanks buddy. I appreciate that.
     
  20. I need help

    I need help Well-Known Member

    Re: It's okay

    I believe in u 2!! :)
    and I always like to get to know new people...so if you wanna chat about whatever i'd like that :)