Somebody please listen.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by, Apr 16, 2009.

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  1. I don't know why I am writing this anymore. I don't care about the forum rules. I just want someone to know what my life has been like before I end it. :dunno: I just feel like my life is just over and I want someone to know before I leave this world.
    I am a 17 year old guy who is in 11th grade in high school. :crash: My life has been crap since I can remember. When I was about 11 or so, I lost my only and best friend. I was at a church being picked on by this bully which had been happening for quite awhile. My friend, who was there decided it would be cooler to instead side with the bully instead of helping me so he betrayed me, they both picked on me and laughed at me. I began to cry and they laughed at me and walked away. I cried in the parking lot that entire time all by myself. Through the next few years, I was home schooled. My mother would teach me while my Dad went out to work. My mother used to scold me all the time calling me a worthless idiot, a loser, a stupid child who would never do anything good. I didn't know at the time but I had to learning disorders: ADHD, and a auditory processing disorder. I would cry begging my mom to stop it but she never listened. She even stabbed me with a pencil one time. :dead:
    but that wasn't the end, my mom refused to teach me math so my Dad would come home after work and teach it to me. He used to yell at me, calling me stupid, dumb, lazy, and retarded. He said that I was "fucking failure" who wouldn't do anything right. He told me why I couldn't be like my younger brother who got could grades and did everything right. It when on like this for years. :sad:
    Then my parents decided that it would be fun to send me to public school at 9th grade. I had just hit puberty then I was really shy. I didn't know who to talk too and I couldn't focus in class. I tried so hard and I barely passed any of my classes. I didn't make any friends and sat alone at lunch in the cafeteria most of the time. The kids around me would give me looks and laugh at me. I would get beat up sometimes becuase someone picked a fight with me. My teachers hated me and said I was stupid. My Spanish teacher kicked me out of class everyday becuase I wasn't paying attention. :unsure:
    I tried sports and clubs to make friends but it never got me anywhere.

    Then my parents made me go to a private school for 10th grade. I lost all the people I knew at my old school while I was still recovering from last year. My grade was mainly girls and like 2 guys (13 total not including me). The 2 guys would only talk to each other and leave me out of everything. I had no one to talk too. Then a little ways through, I got a friend named Anthony and we got really close. We had some good times in school together until he got a girlfriend. Emily was her name. :sadwave: She thought that I was trying to take Anthony away from her which I wasn't. She then one day decided to insult me in the middle of science class. I dissed her back at of anger :furious: and said some really mean things even though she deserved it. Anthony called me a deucebag then and then he decided he would never talk to me again. He never did. I was so damaged becuase of this that I got even worse into my deppression. I really had no one then.
    Then 11th grade hit. My dad said that he would never talk to me again becuase of my grades. He said that he wished I was never his son. He used to insult me all the time. He broke my computer which was my only escape then. After this, I tried to get a girlfriend. I really tried hard saying to myself that I was going to make a difference in my life. I was gonna turn things around. Well this year I failed two classes. I then tried to get a girl. I called her up and she just dissed me over the phone. Then her dad for some reason got on the phone in a angry tone and screamed at me over the phone. I don't even know what I did but I hanged up becuase I was scared. He then called back and demanded to know who I was. I told him and he hanged up. :WTF: I was so crushed that the girl had just tossed me aside like i was nothing. then a little while later she went out with a prick senior who was a ass to everyone. I don't get it at all, I am a fairly attractive guy as people have told me and yet I just failed like everything else i do. I guess nice guys never get anywhere in life. After all this, then I got into a argument with my brother over Easter break. He said some really bad things about me so I got angry and thew a book at him in rage. He then pretended to get hurt so my dad would now. My dad said that he hated me and he left me alone on Easter while the rest of them had great meals at my grandmas. I was alone for all of easter that whole day. I cried all day. Then I got picked one again at church (a different church from the beginning as my family converted) and my the kids my age left me. I wont get into details cause it would take too long but it got so bad that I went to me priest and just cried my eyes out. I said to him that I quit serving at this church as a altar boy and said I give up. He told me not leave the church but I did anyway.

    I dont feel like there is any point to my life anymore. No one loves me. I have no friends and I hate everything. I recently have become addicted to pornography and I can't stop. I pray to God but no one talks to me. Why does God hate me. What have I done wrong????/ I think I am going to kill myself. Please someone talk to me before i do somethign bad. :blub:
  2. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    you've had bad time but I hope you can go on.You try so hard, but perhaps you should now try less. It is your life so live it. I know your parents tell you to try hard to be something but you are something: you are you. :hug:
  3. why should i live a life so painful i dont want to live anymore
  4. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Just hang in there, please! :hug:
  5. i think im about to cry agin i think im going to just end it here im done i hate it all
  6. BioHomocide

    BioHomocide Well-Known Member

    Well the here and now can always change for the better tomorrow.

    You are still young....... not even out of highschool.
    Give life a try. You can always get away from your bull shit family!
    Graduate then tell them to **** off and then leave. You never have to deal with them again.
  7. why not end it now. its not like it gets anybetter if high school is supposed to be the best years. my life is such shit
  8. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    High school is not necessarily the best years. It may be for some but not for you.My high school sucked too.
  9. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Some parents just suck at their job dont they at times? Don't give up on their account hun. We dont choose our family but we do choose our friends and how to live our lives. You have one more year to graduate then you could either pursue to college or get into a vocational school where to learn something manual and ready to enter the work place. What are your interests? What are you skilled at? Would you like to learn how to be productive so that in turn you can see a future for yourself and be able to provide for yourself so you can walk out of that house?

    Be well and stay safe Neil. :hug:
  10. asri

    asri Well-Known Member

    hey hun,

    not every child who has a screwed up childhood grows up to be a screwed up adult. take my word for it. its in ur hands -what u make of life.

    for now, just concentrate on ur studies and making a life for urself. finish ur studies, get a job, get out of that house, move states and build a life for urself. and what do u have to live for now? to work towards this tomorrow. have a goal and move towards it - unwaveringly.

    reg ur ADHD - have u been professionally diagnosed? r u getting help for it? just have a bit of faith in urself. why do u always have to measure urself on what others say to u?

    do u know whypeople bully? its bcos they dont have the balls to deal with their own issues. thats when u pick on someone that is more vulnerable than u r. so that it makes them feel superior.

    chin up boy! there is a lot to live for. just start believing in urself.

  11. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Please dont' give up!!! I know it feels like the world has let you down. High school can really suck; it can be the hardest years of your life instead of the best. But if you get through, then you can get away from all the people who have hurt you and let you down.

    If you ever need anything, you can PM me anytime! Just please try to hang on! It can get better.
  12. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    i read your post. i am glad you shared so much. . you have had such a horrible time . . . . and it makes me think you are due for better days hon.

    i agree with 'granny'. . . . some parents are TERRIBLE. i am very angry, at how you were treated. i have kids and i am definitely not a perfect parent, no one can be, but i HATE it when kids are mistreated.

    you are definitely not dumb or bad and you CAN build a life of your own. one that you choose, and carefully create. it can be any kind of life you want.
    you are nearly done with your parents. age 18 is a majority in the u.s. at least (not sure where you are hon ) you can set goals to achieve this new life - start small. one step at a time - knowing you are moving toward YOUR own life may ease the pressure and pain you have concerning your parents.

    you can also choose new friends, who treat you well. please only be with those who will treat you with the respect you deserve. please try to understand that you DO deserve only the best life has to offer.

    i am glad you reached out here and i hope you continue to reach out, and get the support you need. there are many people here to care about you - and i know you can find so much support if you'll hang in. :console:
  13. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    wow, thats a lot of challenges you've had to go through.
  14. raiinbowjunkiie

    raiinbowjunkiie Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry to hear that you are going through something so awful, but I am also so glad that you are still with us. As long as you are alive, there is hope of making things better.
    You have what it takes to overcome your ADHD and depression. I am in no way attempting to undermine the severity of your predicament, the pain your parents/friends bring you, or the intensity of your emotions. What I am trying to tell you is that you are better than anyone who tries to bring you down and that your LIFE is far more important than any of this.
    Your parents are the problem. Any human being who can bring themselves to abuse and mistreat their children in such a monstrous fashion has major issues. Something is wrong with your parents, and they are taking it out on you, and distorting the situation to make it seem like you are the problem, which is just blatantly wrong!
    Don't EVER let anyone make you feel like you aren't good enough to live.
    Anyone who even tries to do that is totally screwed up in the head.
    You are not dumb or hopeless, you are beautiful and full of hope and young promise. You reached out to us on this forum because you have a subconscious hope, no matter how fragile it is, to make things better, to experience the happiness and compassion that you so deserve.
    This does not mean that you are not serious about suicide. Rather, it means that you sense, deep down, that there is something more imoportant than suicide: you, your life, and all of the wonderful qualities that you have to offer.
    We all love you, we are all here for you, and we are going to help you build a better life for yourself. I personally will always be here to listen if you ever want to talk to someone. Please E-mail me at
    Please hang in there, we all care about you!
    Stay strong and stay safe!
    *Unconditional HUGS*
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