Someone..anyone..please tell me what to do

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Aubergine, Jun 6, 2011.

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  1. Aubergine

    Aubergine New Member

    I have a friend. I guess it's more than a friendship. If we could, we would be together. I love him. But for now, distance keeps us apart. He's very depressed. Suicidal. He's constantly telling me he's going to do it. I know he loves me. And I tell him to live for me. And maybe that is what has kept him here for now. But I don't think it's enough. Nothing I say or do helps him. Nothing. He's tried and been in and out of the hospital. He has nobody where he is. Nobody to be there for him. And I can only be there for him so much. Every time I don't hear from him for a bit, I feel sick. I'm so afraid one day someone else will pick up the phone and tell me he's passed away. I don't know what I'd do... I have had a hard enough time keeping myself together with what I have going on in my own life. If he's gone, I...don't even know. And realistically, I know it won't be my fault but that is what I'll believe. It will be my fault. I could have done something more. This makes me a terrible person, I know. But a part of my just wants him to be at peace. He's tried it all. There's nothing in this world that has helped him over the last 15 years. And it breaks my heart to see him suffer. I would never, ever tell him it was ok to do it. But if he does, maybe he'll finally be happy. That's all I want. I would die for him. Right now, if it made him happy. Every time I talk to him, I'm afraid it's going to be the last. It's killing me. It's all I think about. I..can't function. I'm going to be the last person he talks to before he does it. How do I live with that? I know this is not good for me...but I will never just abandon him and forget about him. I can't. I need him. I can't just call 911 on him...that has happened before and he just convinced them to go away and he'll do it again.
    I just..I don't know what I'm supposed to do...
    Please don't tell me he is being selfish and hurting me. He's not. He's tried so hard ... it's not his fault.
    I tell him I love him everyday and that I need him. I do...if he goes, I think I might too...
    Please someone tell me what to do...tell me something please..
     
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    What an awful situation :hug:

    Honestly, I'm stumped.
    It sounds like you are doing everything that you can and no one, including yourself, can ask more.
    Does he know just how bad you feel?

    I can only think that you are doing the best you can, and hopefully that will be enough to keep him here with you.

    Sorry I can't be much help.
     
  3. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Hi Aubergine,

    It’s hard to tell you what to do as only you know the situation better than anyone else. You seem to have lots of fear for what might happen in the future. As you know, this kind of fear would not help either of you..

    Is it possible that you focus your attention on the present moment: what is really happening and what you can really do…acknowledge this moment and do what you can…not think much about what might happen and then what you might do to yourself…because all we have is always “now” - “this moment”. When we experience the “future”, it will be “now”. We cannot really deal with the future, but we can always deal with the “now”…

    You said that “I know it won't be my fault but that is what I'll believe. It will be my fault.” How can that be? Isn’t your knowing more real/true than your belief?

    Please allow me to introduce you to The Work by Byron Katie. It’s very simple in a way. Here is a link to the free stuff on her website:

    http://www.thework.com/thework-jyn.php

    Below is the essential questions about the troublesome thoughts one has in The Work:

    Example: Paul doesn’t listen to me.
    1. Is it true?
    2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
    3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
    4. Who would you be without the thought?

    And then turn the thought around:

    a) to the self. ( I don’t listen to me.)
    b) to the other. ( I don’t listen to Paul.)
    c) to the opposite. ( Paul does listen to me.)

    There are “Instructions for Doing The Work” and “Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet” on the web page which may help you get a better idea of how The Work works:

    Instructions for Doing The Work
    Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet

    I hope this helps…

    Be Well!
     
  4. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

  5. TooShyToScream

    TooShyToScream Well-Known Member

    Does he love you back? If not, but you know you love him, then stick it out and be there as best as you can. If he does love you, it should be a reason to stick around. Does he live close to you? Can you go see him when something is wrong?
     
  6. rico

    rico New Member

    he is being selfish but you are right its not his fault OR YOURS,
    when someone is self destructing all their strength goes into surviving,
    it takes massive willpower to look into the void and come back so any
    support you can use is sucked dry and you leave behind casualties.
    do what you can but dont let yourself be a casualty:i'm sorry:
     
  7. elementdeckz24

    elementdeckz24 Banned Member

    It sounds like you are already doing a great job. I guarntee the only reason he is alive right now is because of you. Please if he means anything to you keep being there for him because as soon as you give up I'm sure he will. It really does help to know someone cares and loves you. No girl has ever cared for me or even close to the ammount you cared for him and thats the truth. Please be there for him because I know what its like to be alone.
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Is it possible you could make a trip to see him where he is? That might help him x
     
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