someone besides my ex

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by fromthatshow, Jul 28, 2008.

  1. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    I'd love to be able to talk to someone besides my ex about everything that is going on. She is the only one that really supports me and today she told me stop iming her. She can't be my therapist. I can't keep burdening her. It'd be nice to talk to someone else about what's going on in my life. I can't talk to my parents, and I don't have that many friends (or at least ones that would understand).

    Lately I've been going on craigslist looking for sex because my loneliness is that bad. And friendship isn't enough. I need someone to hold me and take care of me. I need protection. From the world. Because I've been raised to believe the world is not safe. We all have.

    My Mom and Dad don't think I need therapy. They are kind of supportive but not really. They don't know how easy it would be for me to do it, and how often I think about it, and consider it more and more each day. There is no relief. Forever every day it gets worse and worse. Never better. Never a good day. Or wow this was nice then back to hell. It's progressively worse with zero break.

    And oh it'd be so nice just if someone would understand me. Would understand anything I'm talking about.
    On craiglist when I'm looking for sex what I'm really looking for is someone to treat me like a little kid. I want to be five. No, back in the womb.
    When I was little, I never wanted to leave the stroller. I remember my parents telling me it was time to walk, but I didn't want to.

    What happened? :cry:

    Lately all I do is lie around holding a teddy bear.
    I'm fucking 19 years old! Will I be 40 begging for my mother?
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    The day will come when you feel ready to move on with your life. When it does, that will include moving away from the protection of your parents. You are still young. I know that 18 is said to be the age of adulthood, but it isn't like your birthday comes and suddenly all is different and you If you need someone to talk to, I am more than willing to do that. I can't promise to always understand because I haven't been there, but I can try. :hug:
  3. BioHomocide

    BioHomocide Well-Known Member

    Be a man and find yourself a therapist.
    If you have to do things yourself then so be it.
    Use your own money and save yourself from these feelings.

    You need to find strength in yourself so even when you are alone and there is no one to cry to... you won't break down. No one can listen to you all the time, no one can help you all the time.... When there is no one, you'll have to provide your own emotional support.
  4. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    Thanks Corinna

    and I know that Mr. Everybody. I just never have done that before in my life. I don't know how.
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Start with taking little steps. Do some things on your own that you generally wouldn't. You are already out in the workforce so you are able to be away. Have you developed any friendships from there? Do you ever go out for things besides work? It is all part of gaining independence. Maybe set your goals on becoming financially solvent enough to get your own apartment. I know things in your area can be extremely expensive though. How do your parents feel about you still being home? Do you help out there? A few things to think about I guess. :) :hug:
  6. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    I just work with my friends parents. It's a small place. I have a few friends, just none that I am too interested in keeping. And it's ironic, because I'd almost rather die than feel alone. I'm really just after a girlfriend that is "forever mine" to save me from the loneliness I guess. Though I know that's not possible.

    I go out with a friends every once in a while. The only time I really enjoy going out is if I'm meeting a new girl from facebook or MySpace or something. I went on craigslist for sex and have been going on more again. Escapism.

    My mom is moved out now. My Dad kind is mad at me for being irresponsible. Which I am. I have to start taking responsibility for myself. But he is not very kind or understanding about it. I don't do well with tough love. I help out a little bit. I'd love to have my own place, but I don't have a job with that many hours/I'm helping pay for medication and therapy now. Might be a while. I can't see myself working a hell of a lot more than this right now.

    I find it extremely hard to stop seeing the girls I hang out with as possible saviors. And to stop seeing signs for escape around every corner.
    But if I don't recognize that I save myself, it will be hard to start taking responsibility for myself.
  7. odnox

    odnox Well-Known Member

    It is possible, but I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself to find them and on them to be "forever your's." Relationships work best when it contains two "whole" people. When you are capable of making yourself happy and are OK in the times when you're alone, you won't need a girl. I think that's when a real relationship is likely to work.

    Yep. I do that too. But like you said, you're the only one who can actually "save" you. I might suggest the book "Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway." Not a great book but it did help me. One chapter in particular talked about how when you make one part of your life EVERYTHING, then when it goes away you have nothing. And I think making one part of your life everything, you increase the chance that it will go away. Better to develop multiple sides of your life, so that the absence of one of them doesn't destroy your life. Making your life "more" will have the advantage of helping you be happy being on your own and will not put as much pressure on a girl to be your savior and forever your's.

    I hope any of that helped. I tend to ramble. And personally, I need to hear this stuff, too.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 29, 2008
  8. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    heh I do that too. When I try and help people here I am also talking to myself.
    That does sound like a good idea. Developing various parts of my life. But there's just something about building myself. Like creating more of myself. I want less. I want there to be nothing. I just wish I could change my perspective. Instead of holding on to everything. I want to be content with nothing. It kind of goes along with my beliefs concerning buddhism. Free from attatchment and desire.
  9. odnox

    odnox Well-Known Member


    In the last 2 years I've gotten very in touch with Buddhism and living a simpler life. But I don't want to be free from ALL attachment and ALL desire. I just want to be free of those that are unhealthy. Like seeing a girl as the answer to my problems. I'm the answer to my problems... and most of the time, the cause.

    But I know what you're saying.
  10. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    Yea I gotcha :)

    Buddhism makes the most sense to me. All of my beliefs pretty much lined up with buddhism before I even started reading about it.