I guess for the past few months, all these things has happened to me and at first I could handle things and then after my boyfriend of 4 years left to go on Africa I just fell apart. For the past few years, I had been really unhappy studying what I had been studying in graduate school. I was only going to grad school to make my mom proud and to make her happy to repay her for doing so much for me throughout my life. As I continued school, I guess I had a mid life crisis of sorts because I felt conflicted in doing what I had always dreamed of doing which was to become a fashion designer and pleasing my mom by getting a phd. I thought of quitting my studies and going back to study fashion, but I felt like it was too late and that I was too old. While that was going on, I had recently found out a few weeks ago that I would never be able to have kids due to a ovarian scarring from recurrent cyst ruptures. This greatly sadden me to have had that opportunity taken away. Then this August, my boyfriend left for Africa for what we had thought would be a just a short trip to visit his brother in Africa and he was going to return in October. But things changed and then he decided instead to extend his stay until December and then told me a few weeks ago that he didn't want to be with me anymore. This combined with all these other things going on my life just sent me into a deep depression. I guess in many ways my boyfriend had been a sort of crutch always knowing how to cheer me up when I was down. When he was around, it helped me to not think of all the bad things going on in my life. Now I don't know what to do because Im so sad about everything. I don't eat anymore because i feel sick when I do. I don't sleep because I stay up thinking of all the problems in my life. I tried talking to my sister and she just told me that everything will be fine and that I just have to keep moving. But i feel like she doesn't understand how difficult things are for me. I find it so hard to just get out of bed everyday. I try to pretend to my friends Im ok when Im not because I know no one wants to be around a sad person. And after all of this, I just want to end my life because I don't see it getting any better. I don't want to be a disappointment nor a burden to anyone.