someone help me??

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by alison, Mar 12, 2010.

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  1. alison

    alison Well-Known Member

    My therapist wanted me to do this day program partial hospitalization thing, and at first I freaked out.. but then I thought about it for awhile and sort of warmed to the idea. I was terrified about what I was going to tell my parents (i'm a 22 yr old grad student living at home and on my parents insurance), but I decided that maybe it would be okay. It was only supposed to be for a week, and since I'm only taking 2 classes, I could stil do my lab work at night and not get too far behind or anything. Still scared to tell my parents.. but fine, it was going to be okay.

    So since I was being agreeable to do this program, I thought my therapist and I were on okay terms so I was completely honest with her for once... AND OH MY GOD was that a mistake. She wants me to get into an inpatient program ASAP, ew're having a meeting with my parents tomorrow (?) I guess, and she's going to call me in 1.5 hrs to set it all up. I can't go home, I'm going to try to stay at a friends place tonight... but I just don't know what to do. I'm so scared. I don't want to go to inpatient, I promised her I'd stop overdosing on things but it didn't work.. she says I'm 'in danger.' I got upset and I started basically yelling at her (usually I'm very kind and courteous) and I told her all sorts of shit I didn't mean to - like how I distrust doctors and lie to my psychiatrist to get the medicine I want out of him.

    I don't know what to do..t his is a disaster. It's having the opposite effect of helping, it makes me feel like I need to kill myeslf tonight before anything further happens.

    help.(?) does anyone know what will happen if I don't answer my phone when she calls?
     
  2. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    have you tried calling her and telling her what you just told us? that this whole situation is making it worse?

    i don't know what would happen if you don't answer the phone - but i think worst case - assuming she still believes that you are in danger - she may send the police (that's what happened to me)

    now i'm going to be honest with you alison

    based on the overdosing and your reaction to this situation, you probably are in danger

    and running away is not going to help and make it more likely that some drastic action might be taken in additional to scaring the wits out of your parents

    perhaps the hospital is what you really need at this point, so that you can get a chance start healing properly

    what do you think?

    if you want to talk, you can PM me
     
  3. Justsolost

    Justsolost Well-Known Member

    I think the best thing you can do is be as calm as possible (WAY easier said than done, but try) and during the meeting tomorrow, emphasize that you are willing to and want to get help, and that you don't want to commit suicide. I know it's damned scary to think about being hospitalized for any length of time (I was once hospitalized, not depression-related, but it was very annoying yes). But the worst thing you can do is to lose your cool and flip out; I know it's SO overwhelming sometimes and it's hard not to do so, but still make the effort not to do so. I wish you the best, you sound like a very intelligent, nice young woman, and really, the worst possible thing that can happen is you end up being hospitalized for a brief period. As long as you emphasize that you want help and don't really want to die, and are cooperative, they aren't going to hold you for very long if it does come to that.

    Take care.
     
  4. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    That's great advise. I second that.

    Hang in there, Alison. This situation isn't the end of the world. I was shortly hospitalized way back when I wasn't feeling well. The food there was terrible ;) but it was a good place for getting yourself together. It's not for everyone, though. I mean I left after two days because I didn't feel the psychiatrists were professional nor knowledgable enough to be able to help me. But I do remember it being a very peaceful environment.
     
  5. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    Hey,

    I am sorry to hear this but I promise you IP is not as bad or as scary as you think. I have been in twice and not for long either times but I have been in and it just gives u that break to think about what you really want in a safe way and start to think in a logical way. Your parents will only want what is best for you and they may seem scary and upset and angry at first but they would prefer that than to lose their daughter.

    Hang on and keep calm although I know this is difficult. You have done so well recently dont throw it all away now. huge :hug:

    Sam
    x
     
  6. alison

    alison Well-Known Member

    Thanks guys for your messaegs.. I wasn't able to respond since I didn't have my laptop, but I did log on briefly on my phone and read through your responses, it helped a lot.

    I answered the phone and was kind to my therapist, and then I got drunk at a friends house, and called my brother and made him organize my parents going to therapy the next day, lol. It worked though, since I was much calmer with my therapist, we worked out a compromise. I promised to call/page her immediately if I felt like harming myself/overdosing or anything like that, and I promised to do the partial hospitalization program.

    The meeting with my parents and therapist was stressful & awkward, but all things considered it went really well. My therapist didn't tell them any details about SI/overdosing/suicide/bulimia or anything like that, just that anxiety was really affecting my life and that more intensive care would be useful for me. My parents were stupid, but sweet about it lol, they kept saying that they didn't understand why I couldn't bring this to them and how much they wanted me to get help.

    They kept telling me how accomplished I was scholastically and how much they loved having me around. They said I'm shy, but when people get to know me they really like me, and they wish I felt mroe confident in my social life. They also said they wish I would have more self confidence in my intelligence and success, and that I didn't need to be perfect all the time. It was sweet... but LAME. I've seen that Lifetime movie, and that's not the situation here lol. I'm a lazy dumbass, who mooches off her parents constantly.

    But anyways.. it's all okay. My parents are being sweet to me and I'm gonna do the partial hospitalization program and will still be able to finish my courses. Also, I've learned my lesson about being honest to therapists.. its a bad idea lol. Stay calm, be cooperative, pretend like you really want to get better even when you're feeling ambivalent, and lie through your teeth about anything to do with suicide or overdosing on pills. It just makes things worse obviously.

    So really, this all went remarkably well. The one potential lasting complication is that she's going to speak with my psychiatrist - that day when I got upset I told her that I didn't trust doctors, and I told her all my tricks for getting prescriptions out of them. I'm not going to get anymore prescribed benzos, that's for sure.. also, I've gotten him willing to write me prescriptions for adderall (I very much DON'T have ADD lol) to help me study, and I'm pretty sure that's gonna be gone too now. I'm hoping that a few more appointments of me acting sweet, innocent, and doe-eyed will get me back my power over him.. but I don't know, it will be tough.

    But anyways.. thanks for responding everyone. its muchly appreciated =]
     
  7. Justsolost

    Justsolost Well-Known Member

    I'm so glad it worked out for you! Great job staying calm, that must have been tough. I hope this partial hospitalization program does help you, alison, because it really sounds like you can use some more help.
     
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