Someone help me :'(

[A_pixie]

Seriously somebody talk to me I'm on the edge here my life is terrible.

Raped by my best friend of seven years. Didn't tell anyone for two years until I basically had a nervous breakdown.

I got heavily into cocaine because of it, blew all my money on drugs and ruined my life.

Parents do nothing about my sister abusing me despite me crying and screaming at her that all I needed was a home to recover in while getting over what happened to me.

Sister has literally not acknowledged my existance for ten years now, laughs at me crying about being raped. Losing my sister was like a bereavement.

Just got to uni and don't relate to anyone here.

Religious nutjob of an uncle constantly trying to get me into the cult that is the catholic church, in an aggressive manner.

My depressed mother hasn't worked in twenty years and relies on my Dad with a heart condition to provide for my sister and her, and her deadbeat brother who has been sleeping on our sofa for TWO YEARS. I'm just waiting for my Dad to keel over and it kills me.

Cannot answer sister back when she abuses me as my parents for some reason, take the abuse, and ONLY when I answer her back does it become an arguement. My Dad has chest pains and in order to keep him alive I have to endure abuse by my sister. My Dad's life depends on me suffering in silence.

Have to take abuse from religious nutjob of an uncle and the deadbeat on our sofa.

My ex and first love of three years is now married to someone I knew in primary school to this day the betrayal still makes me angry. She was supposed to be my mate.

Ex broke it off with me because I confided in him about the rape (yeah, you read right) and wishes I kept silent about it because it "upset him"

One ex hit me when I told him a girl he knew didn't commit suicide (checked the death records) she just wanted him to stop stalking her.

Other ex had child pornography on his computer.

My "family" clean everything I touch in the house, in front of me, so that my oh so perfect sister can use it. Because she says I'll "infect" it. What a way to treat a rape victim.

They don't like doing it, they're not abusive, she just wears them down.

In short, I want to die. Why the Hell am I even alive I mean everyone who was supposed to care about me let me down. Is there hope??? Someone talk to me I keep thinking about killing myself and the thoughts aren't going away

I really need a friend I don't want to kill myself but it's getting close :'(

 

[Aloe]

you arent alone

 

[windlepoons]

That is horrible. How old are you, can you think about moving out yet?
Your exes have treated you badly, dumping you after telling them something so personal is an unpleasant way to behave. You are not getting the support you need from them so maybe time to put distance between you.

Are you clean from cocaine now?

 

[Stranger1]

You need to set your sister straight..Preferably when your dad isn't home..She sounds like the root of your problems.. Your crazy uncle you need to tell him straight up your not catholic and never will be..What I am saying is stand up for your self when dad isn't around..It sounds like he loves you..

 

[A_pixie]

Thanks for the responses guys, To answer the questions:

Yeah...my Dad really does love me he's had bad luck being inflicted with my Mum's family.

I'm 24 at the moment and although have just gone to uni, I come back to visit my friends at the weekend. I feel like I can't relate to many people here yet I've only been here a month.

I've been off cocaine for over 6 months now, that part is going well at least.

I'm afraid if I told my sister straight she would abuse my Dad into another heart attack whenever they came home. My household really isn't normal the slightest thing can result in her dangling my Dad's life in front of me I don't want to be responsible for my Dad's death nor send him to an early grave so I just take it :'(

 

[windlepoons]

Well done for beating cocaine! That must have been tremendously hard.

Your sister sounds like she has far bigger issues than you, controlling you with your father's life...

Can you stay at Uni, put some distance between you and her until you are ready to talk to her on your terms?

 

[Terry]

Well! I have to say you are well rid of your ex SO you getting raped upset him well tough SHIT!!!!!

Get yourself some rape counselling pronto, this is not something to bottle up or face alone. :hug:

Don't worry about fitting in at uni, I went back in my 40s and at first I was like a fish out of water, but gradually I made friends who have now been firm friends for years, regardless of age difference.
Just give it time.

As to sister, my first thought was a grave in the garden :dry:
But as you dont want to end up on a murder charge, have you tried not rising to the bait?
There is nothing more infuriating than wanting to wind someone up who wont be wound.
Smile sweetly at her and let the crap she doles out just wash over you.
Hard I know, but hang on to the fact that the more you do it the more annoyed she'll be that she can't get a reaction.