I have NO reason to want to do this.. no good reason.
You want me to kill myself? then I very well just might. I have means sitting right here.. and this is what I'm doign rather than using them... for now. I dfon't want to avoid it anymore though.
I said goodbyes.. do I get any effort to stop me? no.. no one really cares if I do this or not. I've been ditched by everyone else that would give a sh**.
I have to say to one person specifically.. not mentioning a name.. You said all this time you care about me and all that.. and you totally showed me tonight how little you truly care. I said bye.. IN TEARS. and you said bye back.. can see you're another whos given up
don't see much reason why I shouldn't give up.. if everyones willing to give up on me too
you don't even know me.. bet if you did like everyone else you'd be telling me I should kill myself too.
I give up :cry: or at least, I want to so bad. I want the guts to take those pills.. or pull the trigger.. or to cut deep enough.. sorry if this is triggering, last thing I want to do is to upset yet another person.
I've said my goodbyes to anyone thats mattered that wont' call somone or me or what ever to stop me but other than that.. no one bothers enough to even talk to me till this....
Friend if someone leaves you they were not good for you in the first place. I met a woman on the interent and we fell madly in love...she moved from Calif to Kansas to be with me...then she left me....I know how incredibly painful it can be...I feel like the whole world has left me..I know just how you feel...
My dad left when I as a baby, my grandad abanonded me, and I have no one...it is hard but you are not alone...find some things that make you happy...try and hang in there...
I know I don't know you, but I still care and I am worried about you. I would like to get to know you. I doubt that if I knew you I would want you to end it. I am sure I would be sad if something happened to you. Don't be sorry to ask for help or to need a friend, there's nothing wrong with that.
maybe this is my fault. for not knowing how to reach out properly. :cry: I'm sorry. I know my friends who are hurting.. so I guess that would be the reasoning for them not being able to be there for me. I souldn't add to their problems with mine.. they have enough trouble.
I just want to do this so bad... though part of me still wants to be here and fight. I hate that part of me. I hate it. HATE HATE HATE it.
:cry: I just want to cry. I want someone to cry to.. I'm sick and tired of crying by myself.. it hurts so bad. This all hurts so bad
I want to cut. I want to die.. something... just something to take away this hurt
Really don't be sorry. Of course, you should be able to reach out to your friends when you are hurting. I can relate to your feelings. It's horrible to have to feel that way. I wish I could do or say something to make you feel better, but all I can do is listen. Do you want to talk about what is bothering you so much?
I wouldn't tell anyone to kill themselves because it's a horrible thing to say and wish on someone and i'm sure you're not a bad person. If people care and are worried then why would they wish death on you? I'd have thought it would be quite the opposite. If people care (which they obviously do) then tell them about how you're feeling and let them support you through this time, like they most probably want to. :hug:
It's not the people that care. I know there's people out there that care. but the fact that they're willing to pass me by when I feel like this and clearly am on the edge of comiting suicide.. hurts.. and tells me.. why shouldn't I? maybe there was doubt as to whether or not I should before this but why bother seeking other options now?
those who I believed cared before have clearly given up on me now.. as I would too if I were intheir position.. ffs I've given up on myself....
I can't ask for support.. I don't deserve it... I don't :cry:
You shouldn't die and you do deserve support. Have you told the people who care that you feel they are not supporting you enough? Sometimes, people struggle to talk to suicidal people, mainly because even though they care, they can't find the right words to help and are worried that they will make you feel worse. I doubt they've given up on you, if anything, they are probably feeling helpless because they do want to help. :hug:
Tell them I don't think they're supporting me enough? that's about as bad as telling them what I've done so far :cry: someone once told me that by hurting myself I hurt those that care about me.. so I guess I'm hurting them with every cut I make? I'm sooo sorry. I wish I was better. I've not been thsi badly triggered for a long time. I mean almost a year..
They know how badly I feel by what I want to do.. yet they don't talk to me anymore.. you both (sorrow and res) have talked to me more in this thread than they have all night.. or in past problems... I suppose they don't really care. Like they claim. Or maybe they're like those who have left me in the past... am I just that bad? that everyone who I end up caring about.. or leaning on, relying on through times like these will just leave? ripping my heart out every time...
well I can't keep repairing it.. this is where I'm left.. I just want to kill myself. put bluntly, I'm sorry. but there's no sense in beating around the bush of whats going through my mind at this point..
What has triggered you? Are the friends your talking about online or offline?
I, personally, always find it easier to talk and help people online because it gives me time to think and I can word things properly. If I was face to face with you right now I'm pretty sure my advice wouldn't be that great, although maybe my advice isn't all that great online anyway.
Even though I say that, it can be difficult talking online too, especially when your friend is feeling really low and you basically have a brain lapse (It's happened to me on many occasion..) and I fail to find the words to help and I feel totally useless because I DO want to help but don't know HOW to.
You're not a bad person, and if people leave in the past then that's not your problem, they clearly weren't friends but people do care about you and want you to stay safe. We won't leave, and you're welcome to PM me anytime. :hug:
I don't think you added me, at least I don't see you on my list. I'm sorry that you feel that they don't care, maybe they are going through something right now and can't be as supportive right now? I don't know. No, I don't think you are bad.