Someone PLEASE tell me what to do.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Grant, Mar 30, 2009.

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  1. Grant

    Grant Active Member

    Thought I'd post this about myself.

    -I'm 14 years old, Freshman in Highschool
    -I have been in no serious relationship
    -Divorced parents, live with Mom in Colorado, Dad is in Illinois
    -Parents emotionally abusive
    -Mom denies my suicidal tendencies to my face, saying I'm using it as a way to control her
    -One previous suicidal attempt, May 31st 2008, told kids at school I slipped, not jumped
    -4 rejections
    -Had no best friend until the day after, Katie
    -Fell in love with Katie, only to be rejected
    -witnessed her make out with her boyfriends, had to listen to stories about her sexual experiences with strangers and one of my friends
    -Recent attempts to abuse marijuana, failing due to either money problems or inability to use(lighters, location, parents, etc.)
    -Katie has refused to talk to me for the last 2 months, because I am still suicidal. She is mad at me for it.
    -Once again contemplating suicide
    -School Counselors/Therapists are all impossibly annoying and only add to stress and problems in my life
    -people angry with me for using weed for comfort, saying it makes me weak
    -obviously, I'm not popular at school
    -I'm unattractive
    -Little to no people to turn to
    -The people i turn to are either unavailable, too busy for me, mad at me, or switching schools

    I plan on either getting a gun, jumping in front of a car, or an OD.
    Someone please tell me what the hell I should do.
    Please, any advice at all would be aprreciated.
  2. DiscoverPeaceOfMind

    DiscoverPeaceOfMind Active Member

    Good news....being 14, you will have this thing fixed and a distant memory so it doesnt plague you in adulthood, like many others.

    55% of all communication is through body language, 38% through tonality. Only 7% are words. So from what you describe, you're giving out a lot of bad vibes. think of it like a smile. If someone approaches with a smile, you are likely to smile back. So if you approach them with bad vibes, they give bad vibes back. So practice having respect for your self, even if you dont feel like it. Like an act. Fake it til you make it.

    Add to this, be nice to people. sounds nerdy, but it works. The crap about 'coolness' and 'bullying' is just a lot of people putting on an image coz they feel really low.

    Also you are smack bang in the 'socialisation' period. We go through various stages of life where we seek love and acceptance. From our parents one at a time, our family, extended family, then friends, then finally - our self!
    If you know that, you can recognise why you do certain things. It's simply nature!

    Smoking,drinking, tattoos, loud swearing and all those other 'look at me' acts are signs of 'I want to be accepted' screaming out.

    The really cool thing is to be so cool you make your own decisions. If the crowd goes left, and you go right, then they may be down on you, but that's because you have courage they dont. so they'll try to rip you down. Let em try!

    The people you like have some trait that you wish you had. Practice that trait. You have it in you and it was suppressed in infancy.

    YOur parents are just normal people with their own significant baggage. I bet they received emotional abuse from their own parents...ask them. Now you are imposing your emotional abuse on Katie. Sounds like she has her own problems anyway. Its one big generation to generation cycle until someone gets smart enough to break the cycle. Maybe, you can do it..

    Turn it around.....look for the positive on the flip side of every negative. You can learn from what looks like a big problem. Become a beacon of inspiration where those around you fail. Many rely on others to hold them up. At some stage in our lives we have to stand up.

    Dont take on other peoples problems. Look after you, then you can help others better.

    Good luck
  3. Grant

    Grant Active Member

    No no. Relationships, adult and child, are built off of lies. Especially marriages. Some just have more lies than others.
    It doesnt matter how good my vibe is. Girls only care about who has the car, and the money, and who fucks the most people. I have nothing to back the vibe up with. EVERY girl thinks that way. Believe me. Some just focus on it more than others. The quiet nice nerdy girls think that way, though they try to deny it and claim they are different. But it shows in their actions.

    I never once said I was trying to be accepted through drugs. I only use them cuz the pain of all the other bullshit in my life, including stuff i didnt post, gets to me and i would rather not cut myself.

    I didn't try to impose anything on Katie. I told her I was planning to kill myself. I promised I wouldn't leave without saying anything.

    And I will never "Fake it till I make it". That is horrible. That is sick, and the kind of people who lie and fake things shouldn't be dating, because they just break hearts.

    I'm not begging to be popular, as that post seemed to impose. I'm not some sad little kindergatner, I'm a person, please don't imply insults like that. Saying/implying things like that, even if unitentional, is offense to a lot of people.

    Still, thanks for posting. I just don't think that is gonna work for me.
  4. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    I think this is so right....I mean, I am MUCH older than 14:tongue:
    I was overweighted in my teenyears, I wasn't popular, didn't wear the trendy clothes, my parents turned from a wealthy way of life till my 9th to an existance of chronical financial worries, with 5 kids to feed, dress, etc, etc...
    I hope you don't really think that's how girls are, because they aren't, its just that at your age they also feel the need to fit in, be popular you know......
    I do think also that you shouldn't worry about dating or relationships yet, ther's a lot of time for that also and maybe the more mature you feel the more mature girls you will meet and hang with

    Though I still know how frustrating it was sometimes,most things really get into place, the only thing that has haunting all my life is the(2)failled attempts.

    I mean to say, it sounds cliche and please don't think I'm not taking you seriously or as full individual, because I do see that....
    I know it all will probably fall into place, if you give it time and don't think about ending your life that is just starting.... a lot of things will barely leave scars that influence your future, suicide atempts will....
    I don't know if this is of any help, it was meant to, anyway.
    take care,
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 30, 2009
  5. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Let's give it another try Grant. First off, welcome to SF. I've got a lot of life experience...and I have nieces and nephews your age. So not only did I go though what you're going through myself, I now have family members going through the same issues. We can work on them!!

    First, you are very young and it's perfectly normal to have these feelings at this age. I felt them myself and now I talk with my family members and they feel them.

    My brother and his wife are divorced and emotionally abusive to their kids (my niece and nephew) My nephew is gay and my niece has an inferiority complex. This can be common with children from broken marriages. You may need to get the support you need from friends, people from SF and from counselors...sometimes, it may not come from your parents as they are working out their own issues. It may seem selfish to you but it is common.

    Not being in a serious relationship by age 14 is not unusual. i did not have a serious relationship until I was 18 and it was great...give it some time.

    Regarding rejection from a girl you love and hearing about her continued relationships is also common at that age. You'll have your chance with other girls and women eventually. Most people don't start to think of themselves as attractive until another few years and you will become more confident.

    I've had about 20 therapists. You might have to see several before you find one that is more helpful to you, but is will happen eventually.

    You should probably stay away from the weed for now. Not because anybody says you're weak, but because it's a pretty young age to start drug use. It's probably going to make yo feel worse in the long run and I'm speaking from personal experience.

    Don't make any more plans about suicide! You're way too young to even be thinking about that....things will get better for you, but you have to give it time. If you want to talk more, I've around for awhile and can give you some good advice.. Send me a private message if you want to and I will respond. If not, stick around awhile and see what happens...there are a lot of people here who can help you!! Take care!
  6. Grant

    Grant Active Member

    Okay, seriously, i'm starting to think if I lied and said I was 18, I'd get more relevant info.

    It is not normal to have suicidal feelings at age 14. Period. It isnt normal at any age. Wake up. Its a problem.

    I'm not too young to think of it, considering worse happens to people much younger.

    Shades, I'm sorry, but it is NOT at all unusual for people at age 14 to be in a serious relationship(by which I mean a bf, gf). In my grade alone, I could PROMISE you, out of the 200 kids, at least 150 are or have been in a serious relationship. I don't mean a cute peck on the cheek, I mean sex, frequent public displays of affection, I know one couple(though this is a sophmore) where they live together for days at a time. As for it being likely that i hear about Katie's activities, SHE DOESN'T EVEN GO TO MY SCHOOL. I hear it from her friends, or when she talked to me, herself, despite that she knows my feelings.

    Seriously, all the shots at my maturity are uncalled for. Totally unnecessary.

    I am not going to an excessive amount of therapists, I am sick of those people. School counselors as well.

    As for the women comment I made, that is about all women. At all ages, and it is not because of popularity. This kind of stuff happens over the summer as well. Come on, every girl will go for the guy who has more and looks better that will treat her like crap. If that guy is unavailable, the nice guy gets lucky. It doesn't make them bad people, they just don't want to lose the sensitive guy friend who treats them so well. I've seen it happen a million times, inculding with me.

    14 isn't too young to be doing weed. 8 is too young. Realize how developed a body could be at age 14. This is the age many start using, it isnt suprising.

    Also, the comment "Regarding rejection from a girl you love and hearing about her continued relationships is also common at that age. You'll have your chance with other girls and women eventually." was a little bit of a mixed message. You don't seem to believe that when I said "love" I meant it. "But hes too young, he doesnt know what love is". Anyone who thinks that,imo, is ignorant. Adults usually don't know what love is, so they go have a million relationships and marry when one lasts 6 months. Just because I am young doesnt mean I don't know what love is.

    I appreciate you all trying to help, but some of this advice just won't work for me. I'm sorry for being so harsh and blunt about it but it won't. Some of this advice seems to meant for 8 year olds, boys who are desperate to get laid, and basically everything I am not. I'm sorry.
  7. DiscoverPeaceOfMind

    DiscoverPeaceOfMind Active Member

    Hi Grant, You say "some of this advice wont work for me", which seems to indicate some will work.
    Use those parts you like to work with. Maybe you'd like to list them too.
    Obviously, we all have different experiences, hence the varying feedback.
    It's just like a smorgasboard. Take what you like.
    If you'd like to read up on the difference phases of life that nature provides and how each phase affects everybody without exception, do an internet search on Dr Morris Massey. Lot's of today's experts refer to these phases.
    Good luck.
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    If your this negative in real life then it is no surprise that you don't have a girlfriend..Putting off negative vibes is only going to attract negative responce..And don't be hasty in dismissing "Nerdy Girls" some of them are late bloomers and turn out to be very hot!!
  9. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Look at Tina Fay :)
  10. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Ok, so now you've had a few different opionions and you're being argumentative about it.

    I've had14 -17 yr olds give me advice and it was relevant and i accepted it. I didn't say that because the person was 14 they no nothing of being an adult so I should say I'm 14 and maybe people will help me.

    And yes, at 14 you really don't know what a loving relationship is! You may think you do, as I did when I was 14. I thought I was in love with some girl in school because i was sexually interested in the person, which is what you imply you are feeling by saying a realtionship is more than a "peck on the cheek", etc...

    Sex and public displays of affection do not make a loving relationship!

    I have had several people your age accept similar advice and tell me that it helped them! SO it didn't help you, because you believe you are more mature, doesn't mean that the advice isn't sound just means that you don't think it's for you.

    What makes you think that someone your age, who has experienced the same exact feelings, then experienced other feelings later on which proved the earlier ones to be ridiculous, doesn't know more about this than you do?.

    Also, being told off by a 14 year old who knows less than I do about life experience certainly isn't going to hurt my feelings any more than an 8 yr old or 4 yr old telling me off, so go ahead and whack away if you want to. I've been told off by people with Masters degrees and PHD's and intellectual people you wouldn't understand, and I can handle that as well.

    If I tell you that I've been to several therapists before finding the right one...what, I'm lying about it? That's what happened....that's what I told you.
    If you can't wait or it it's not right for you, fine...then maybe you're better off not going. Maybe you should have your blood checked for a chemical imbalance of some kind if the easier avenues are not suited to you.

    I'm writing this at 4:30 a.m. because I have chronic you have any suggestions for me? I've been to several doctors and they can't seem to figure it out! Maybe at 14, life isnt so difficult, so people sleep better.

    Also, while it is not "normal" to have suicidal feelings at 14, I know of people who have had suicidal feelings at '8' years of use your earlier analogy. I had friends not much older than that tell me so. It frightened the hell out of me, but it happened...the feelings went away. There are people of all ages here 13-60 who would be happy to try and help you. You seem to know what you want, so maybe you don't want the help of anybody here.

    I told you that at 14 I had the exact same feelings you are experiencing and that I met somebody later on. Does that seem unusual to you? I filled out a bit more physically, and became better looking. Maybe you will also. If you choose not to believe me...well, i certainly cannot prove it to you. Oh, wait...yes I can! I have pictures of myself at 10. 14, 18 and 30. I became better looking at each stage. At least the girls and women thought so and there were many.

    The reasons that you give for adults having no idea of what love is have some relevance....some! But as adult, you will have about 100 times more responsibility than you do now and with responsibility comes pressure and that pressure destroys a lot of relationships.

    As for my advice to slow down or stop the weed for awhile...well, I can give you factual info. with sites to go to, etc...that will prove that the earlier you start, the more likely you are to continue and then go on to other drugs. I didn't believe it myself when I was your age and it was taught in school. So here I am...much older now...and the proof is available if you want it. I have had many friends become very slow witted because they started using at 14, 15, 16 and continued into their 30's only to find that the info. given at 14 was right. You say "realize how developed a body would be at 14". I told you I was much older than you, so why do you think I do not understand the physical phases of human development? Please send me your response and let me know if my advice is any more sound now that I've explained myself a little better. Then, I will also get more info. from you and a better understanding of you and maybe I can advise you in a more intelligent and thoughtful manner.

    Then at the end of your rant, you say "please, any advice at all would be helpful", then you get the advice and laugh it off. If you are suicidal, call a suicide hot line as well. You came here first and should have checked out the FAQ's and rules which specifically state that if you are suicidal you should call a hotline and that this site does not have professional therapists available to you. In fact, there are a couple of people who are willing to help that know quite a bit about therapy. Maybe some of them will be able to give you some advice as well.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 30, 2009
  11. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    :) Welcome to SF by the way.

  12. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    epic reply james :smile:
    you said it all.

    your on a roll atm arent you :tongue:

    and welcome to the forum grant
  13. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    yeah, also from shades, I think:smile:.
    Wellthought and well wrote, and I hope you can find it usefull
    advice,Grant, people obviously are doing their best here.
  14. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    :yes: shades too, he's a grate addition to the site :tongue: dont go getting big headed now.

    grant we can only give you our honest opinions. we cant tell you what you want to hear; ie; your right you are deeply madly in love, yuou should do drugs to kill the pain and it wont stunt your developement, no one else goes through what your goign through etc.
    we have nearly all been in a similar possition in our times, and we arent trying to belittle you. we are only trying to help.

    the fact that your saying CHILDREN of 8 can and are having sex is boggling to me. 1 its illegal even if you are both the same age. 2 its almost biologically impossible as the penis wouldnt be fully developed and 3 well its just plain stupid imo.
    how can an 8years old understand the ramifications of sex and what can happen from it.

    a loving relationship doesnt equal they're hot and they are into you and you can have sex with them

    that my friend is shallow and will get you no where.

    a loving relationship is one of trust understanding support care forgiveness and acceptance.

    sex is just a by product of it.

    and you should not seek sex first.

    and as to you "adults are together 6months and then get married." i'm entering my 5th year and theres not even an engaement on the cards yet.
  15. Grant

    Grant Active Member

    All right, there was some confusion in the whole 8 year old having sex thing. Thats not what i said. "Some of this advice seems to meant for 8 year olds, boys who are desperate to get laid, and basically everything I am not. I'm sorry." Apparantly the whole comma between olds and boys was completely ineffective, or you simply did not finish second grade english. Or you have a sick mind. But I'll reword it for you:"Some of this advice seems to meant for 8 year olds/boys who are desperate to get laid,and basically everything I am not. I'm sorry." There is a slash now, does that clear things up?

    Jameslyons, people all live entirely different lives. I can garuntee you that no one has gone through everything i have EXACTLY, though you seem to disagree.

    And just because you had failed relationships or a broken heart in your childhood doesnt mean that love doesnt exist at a young age. Sorry.

    And you need to understand how fucking sexually active my school is. I never said that 75% of them are all sexually active, i said they are active or use frequent public displays of affection(Just about everything up to actual sex, its quite disturbing really.) But I can also assure you that more than 35% of that school is active. Good god, believe me, they are active. Its ridiculous. I know sex isnt love, dont pretend im stupid.

    suicidal feelings are not normal. They are not as uncommon as they used to be, but they are not normal, hence the vast amount of deaths.

    I am amazed that you didnt read the original entry, where I said "-Katie has refused to talk to me for the last 2 months, because I am still suicidal. She is mad at me for it." It is obviously me hearing it from other people. Not her. I know you'll say tell them to stop, but they have a right to talk about it, even if it upsets me. 1st ammendmant.

    James, all I asked was no shots at my age. The first thing you did was do that, and even went so far as to say 'suck it up everyone was 14'. If this happened to everyone, everyone would be single, high, and suicidal.

    Okay, youknow what, after being told to suck it up, that many know exactly what its like, when they dont, and being implied that Im a dick to these people, maybe you shouldnt be suprised that im pissed. On previous posts i was explaining how the advice wouldnt work, or how it seemed to be angled toward stereotypical teen love(where they are over each other in a week). Im sorry the advice doesnt work. Dont expect me to be nice to you after all that. Sorry.

    To Wheresmysheep, I never said I liked Katie because she is hot. ever. She was there when I needed her and shes a good person at heart.

    And yeah, the little kid thing you misread it man. No sick bastard would believe that. Well, some, but they should be in prison where they belong.

    You misunderstood the sex thing completely. I dont see where I said i want sex, or anything like that. Other people just want to get laid, i stated I am not one of those people.
    You and Helena and Shades were the most supportive, even if there was some missunderstandings with Shades. I understand that theres a good chance the advice wont work, but suicide hotlines, counselors and therapists only cause more problems or agitate old ones. Comparitively, this is better.

    You know what forget this, this obviously isnt helping me, its just pissing me off more, forget this. Some people just dont get it.
  16. Grant

    Grant Active Member

    oh, and the peace of mind guy was supportive too.
  17. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Grant, I'm sorry if I've hurt your feelings or come off as insensitive.
  18. Grant

    Grant Active Member

    Its alright man dont worry about it. Its just the internet.
  19. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    Lol, please tell me what your definition of love is?
  20. Grant

    Grant Active Member

    There is no definition of love. Its a feeling, like there is no 100% definition of any emotion. If there were a definition of love, no one would get divorced because everyone would know what it was.

    You've never felt it? Or are you another 20 year old who thinks he/she has experienced everything?

    If you think I feel that love is all about sex or kissing or presents or just plain being together, you are wrong.
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