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Someone talk me down please!

#1
Can someone help me please? I am doing ERP therapy due to real event ocd and it is grueling. I hurt someone 2 years ago during what can only be described as a bipolar incident brought on by trauma. This person has forgiven me but I cannot forgive myself. The erp forces you to face your fears....one of which is the fear that you may commit suicide because of what you have done..though what I did certainly does not warrant it. The goal is to live with the uncertainty...the uncertainty of if others find out about what I did or if they already know, the uncertainty of
wanting To kill myself someday, etc...
Well right now, I am feeling very unwell....and it is frightening. I am trying to sit with the anxiety and not do any compulsions but it is horrid....one of the compulsions would be to eat excessively or ask the individual I hurt if they have forgiven me, etc..
Anyone ever done ERP? Has it worked?
I know that all of this along with the trauma will eventually be too much.....cannot imagine the remainder of my life being like this.......
I did leave a message for my therapist.
 

mors321

SF Supporter
#4
Hi mate,

It’s always darkest before the dawn. All the pain, and I’m guessing guilt and self hate you have at the moment will fade and you won’t feel like you do currently forever.

It can be easy to see taking your own life as an escape from the pain you are currently in, but it unfortunately can create a whole new set of pain for the loved ones and friends that you leave behind. I know that personally when I was contemplating suicide, the biggest factor that convinced me not to go through with it was how much it would destroy my family.

It can be the hardest thing living for someone else, but it might be serve as a temporary fix if you don’t feel like you can live for yourself.

I have no experience with that kind of therapy, but I hope that if you do go through with it, it helps you my friend.

Sending you good vibes and my thoughts 💕
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#5
the most important thing is to forgive yourself. if that person has forgiven you then to make their forgiveness to have real meaning you have to forgive yourself. they don't want you to suffer over a mistake. we all make mistakes. i could write a book with all my mistakes some small some big. we have to forgive ourself and move on. i hope you can start to feel better soon...mike...*hug*shake
 
#6
Thank you friends....I have ptsd also. What I have been through the last three years is unreal. I really feel that ultimately I will not make it but I just have to keep trying as I simply cannot destroy my family. It’s no way to live when all you want to do is die....but you really don’t want to.
if I attempted and I failed, I would then feel guilt and shame over that....it’s a no win Situation.
I had it all before trauma.....that has been extinguished.
thanks for listening...
I am 62..had so much to look forward to in retirement....and It wasn’t this nightmare.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#7
Thank you friends....I have ptsd also. What I have been through the last three years is unreal. I really feel that ultimately I will not make it but I just have to keep trying as I simply cannot destroy my family. It’s no way to live when all you want to do is die....but you really don’t want to.
if I attempted and I failed, I would then feel guilt and shame over that....it’s a no win Situation.
I had it all before trauma.....that has been extinguished.
thanks for listening...
I am 62..had so much to look forward to in retirement....and It wasn’t this nightmare.
*hug*shake
 

snowraven

Well-Known Member
#8
Thank you friends....I have ptsd also. What I have been through the last three years is unreal. I really feel that ultimately I will not make it but I just have to keep trying as I simply cannot destroy my family. It’s no way to live when all you want to do is die....but you really don’t want to.
if I attempted and I failed, I would then feel guilt and shame over that....it’s a no win Situation.
I had it all before trauma.....that has been extinguished.
thanks for listening...
I am 62..had so much to look forward to in retirement....and It wasn’t this nightmare.
You show you have strength if your still going after what sounds like a bad 3 years. Stay strong and know you have friends here to lean on when you don't feel so strong. Best wishes
 
#9
You show you have strength if your still going after what sounds like a bad 3 years. Stay strong and know you have friends here to lean on when you don't feel so strong. Best wishes
Thanks...every day I feel like I could end it though....if not for my fear of death, hell and destroying my family, I would not be here.
 

snowraven

Well-Known Member
#10
Thanks...every day I feel like I could end it though....if not for my fear of death, hell and destroying my family, I would not be here.
I know that feeling well although I have no fear of death itself. But the thought that my last action on this earth would be something that I know would cause so much pain to those I love stops me. However much I may be suffering I know I could never cause so much pain for them. Maybe if I was younger and faced a lifetime of feeling like I do things would be different. Stay strong and hang on to the hope that things will improve. It is possible.
 

Dark111

SF Supporter
#11
Can someone help me please? I am doing ERP therapy due to real event ocd and it is grueling. I hurt someone 2 years ago during what can only be described as a bipolar incident brought on by trauma. This person has forgiven me but I cannot forgive myself. The erp forces you to face your fears....one of which is the fear that you may commit suicide because of what you have done..though what I did certainly does not warrant it. The goal is to live with the uncertainty...the uncertainty of if others find out about what I did or if they already know, the uncertainty of
wanting To kill myself someday, etc...
Well right now, I am feeling very unwell....and it is frightening. I am trying to sit with the anxiety and not do any compulsions but it is horrid....one of the compulsions would be to eat excessively or ask the individual I hurt if they have forgiven me, etc..
Anyone ever done ERP? Has it worked?
I know that all of this along with the trauma will eventually be too much.....cannot imagine the remainder of my life being like this.......
I did leave a message for my therapist.
ERP can indeed be very intense and you're being remarkably brave for giving it a try. From what I've read it does have quite a high success rate and seems to be the most effective method for treating OCD. How long are you into this type of treatment now?

Something your therapist may have already told you also is that things may seem to get worse before they get better. I imagine this is true of any therapy that is demanding and takes a lot of hard work, but ERP sounds particularly confrontational; you're literally face to face with your worst nightmares. But you deserve the best chance at getting the best treatment available and eventually seeing some improvement in your quality of life. I hope your therapist and anyone close to you gives you all the support you need as you go through this.
 

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