something funny and very ironic

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by coffee, Mar 11, 2010.

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  1. coffee

    coffee Well-Known Member

    I live to die.
    Death is my ultimate freedom and relief. Death is the only hope for me.
    Then I can't I just kill myself right now?
    because I am being responsible.
    I don't have any fears or scared feelings about death. Even all the pains that I actually have to go through in order to succeed.
    I know exactly what to do and I know I can work it out this time for sure.

    So, I asked myself this.
    Why can't I have guts to live but having this desire to die.
    Why can't I use those energy and wanting to die behavior to live?

    Because Living, life is so damn hard.
    when I think about death. The pains won't last. It's like I will enjoy those pains because I know that it won't last.

    So, this makes me feel like a biggest looser.
    I lived this far to come to this point and feel like I failed everything.
    The only thing that would make me happy is to end my life on my own.

    I think it takes a lot of guts and courages to commit suicide.
    I wish I could change my thinking and turn them around.
    Living is a lot easier than killing myself.

    but I can't change that thoughts and I don't want to....

    I feel very funny about this principal. I don't think it makes sense either.
  2. Sammakko...

    Sammakko... Guest

    Thank you Coffee, I liked to read your thoughts.
    I feel little like same. My time to die is this summer and yesterday I was so happy about it. Then I thought I wish I could be happy because I live and not because I know I am dead after couple of months.
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