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Something I need to say..

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Carolyn/Caz, Nov 2, 2007.

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  1. Carolyn/Caz

    Carolyn/Caz Guest

    I've been at SF probably nearly 2 years, in that time I made SF my world, I did nothing but come here and try to post to as many threads and support in anyway I could, even giving out my MSN to anyone who needed to talk had over 100 people that got it off here on my list. I would wake up get on here, stay on here for hours, go to sleep then get on here. I've put every bit of my strength into trying to support people and keep them alive and to get them to see that life may get better and help them find a way to get help. Out of all of this I at one time when I wasn't so bad replied to every post made. Out of all of this I'd think that people would atleast give a fuck or care whether i'm alive or dead. I was even there for people who were rude and disrespectful to me, I tried so hard, and to think that I leave and a caring person makes a post for me out of the kindness of there heart that people would atleast care enough to say "Sorry" or "Take care" or "Hang in there" out of all I've tried here and no-one gives a flying f*ck about me and that's fine. I gave what I had, draned myself for people and no-one can care less. That's fine. It' hurts to give all you have and get nothing at all which shows you that no-one cares, I could die tonight and would anyone care?? No. That's fine. Perfectly fine. I'm done. Bye.
  2. Carolyn, I care.
    You matter to me, alot.
    I love you very much, you know that.
    I'm sorry I haven't shown it to you, but you mean alot to me. Please don't do anything.
    Love you lots, please stay strong.
  3. Angry

    Angry Guest

    you know what pisses me off, you sitting there saying that no one would give a shit if you lived or died. Go back and read your god damn posts and realize how many people do care...go read the endless amounts of I hope you are okay\\\'s and take care of yourselfs. For you to sit there and fucki\\\'n say that no one would care is absolute bullshit and you know what..i know you fuckin\\\' know that. If you want someone to talk to don\\\'t sit there and say no one would care. I know for a fact that I for one have tried to help...but after awhile when you repeat the same things over and fuckin\\\' over again you kind of feel your help isn\\\'t needed or falls on deaf ears...

    So throw your wobbly, think that ppl don\\\'t care but that\\\'s the biggest bunch of bullshit I\\\'ve ever heard in my life.
  4. that's bang out of order. :mad::dry:
  5. Clouds

    Clouds Guest

    Carolyn, I use to be your friend, I use to talk with you for several hours, and I tried to help you. However, you shut me out of your life, on MSN, myspace, etc. I do miss talking with you though. Take care.
  6. protonaut

    protonaut Well-Known Member

    When humans often fail to fully understand each other in real-life situations and personal relationships, imagine how much harder it can be to get the real picture over something as limited as the internet.

    I can't help it if what I'm saying sounds cruel, but it's the truth: It's risky behavior to invest a lot of emotion in people we don't know well.

    The internet is a valuable resource for sharing information, but I just don't see it as a reliable source for building close friendships and relationships. Nothing should be taken too seriously online. There is no replacement that comes close to interaction in person when it comes to meaningful friendships and relationships.

    I'm not saying we shouldn't try to be a friendly as possible online, but it is a mistake to seriously rely on anyone unless we're constantly in contact with them on a personal level.

    The problem is that people often feel we should tell eachother we love or care about one another, and that we'll be perceived as "cold" or "inhuman" if we don't. I'm not saying we don't love or care about eachother as human beings, but it is not the same as emotion built from a long-term personal friendship or relationship. It's not that there's really a problem with saying these things online if both involved don't take what is said too personally, my concern is over the fact that some people out there truly take it to heart when others say these things.

    -Sigh- I hope people don't think I'm being cold by posting this. It's just a matter of opinion.

    I understand what was meant in the first post, and it is awful that this kind of thing has to happen. This is exactly why I don't make much of an effort to deeply connect with people online - I have enough pain in my life already, I don't need more.
  7. S.C.U.M

    S.C.U.M Guest

    I can relate. I gave everything I had to this site (not as much as you did though, I didn't last that long) When I left only one person reached out to me and made an effort, no one else gave a damn. When I popped up recently people did reply and did seem to care, but lost interest very quickly.

    With the internet, there is very much a feeling of 'out of sight, out of mind' I think, because you are known only on the web and that is where people see you, if you are not there, then people just don't seem to think about you, unless someone knows you have been very suicidal or whatever.

    It can be really hard when you feel no one cares, and that you have been rejected and abandoned by people that you tried to give so much to, but just because they don't talk to you, or whatever, doesn't mean they are not thinking about you, nor don't care.

    I remember that we had a lot of similar 'conditions' (I can't think of a better word for it), both phsyical and mental, yet I never felt I could say anything useful to you, because you already knew those things I might say. I don't have contact details for you, and even if I did, I wouldn't contact you for reasons associated with me, not you, however, there are one or two people around who do have my contact details, and if you want them, I'd be more than happy to talk to you :)

    With regards to the focus that SF had on your life, could you try to replace that with something like voluteering, maybe with animals who can help greatly, or something else like that that could help give you a focus so that your feelings about SF might not be so prominant in your mind.

    People do care, even if you don't think it, or they don't show it, you know people here have loads of baggage that might stop them reaching out, or might make them think that it might not be a good idea to reach out to you, or whatever. Also, if people associate you with support, then often those people get used and people also often view them as stroing and not needing support and help, and those people also get overlooked, so sometimes it needs to be that person that reaches out. People can't know if you need help unless you say.

    I hope you're ok, keep fighting and good luck with everything.
  8. people push people out, doesn't mean they wanted to

    Carolyn has been there for this forum and she gets these sort of responses?
    she needs support
    not people against her and whatever

  9. Trip the Dark fantastic

    Trip the Dark fantastic Well-Known Member

    I very much agree with what S.C.U.M and protonaut said. Ultimately its your choice whether you post here and your choice which medium you think is effective. Choosing anonymity is a one-way street . By its nature anonymity does not provide you with all the signals of a face-to-face situation. There is not feedback system in place, other than the words you write and the words you receive.

    How you interpret these words, how you react towards them is up to you and fortunately or unfortunately so is your feeling of gratitude. If you approach anonymous posting with high expectations, of needing to be recognised, confirmed, guided, helped..etc. the probability is high you will be disappointed.

    In truth, it makes therefore no sense to me if you list your sleepless nights spent in front of the monitor, nor you emphasizing of how many people you helped and how little gratitude you received.

    To post here is always an exercise in damage limitation of your high hopes and unaccomplishable expectations. That's the deal you signed with the first line your surrendered to complete strangers..

  10. Blah.

    Blah. Guest

    I hear what you're saying Caz. I'm quite lucky in that I can "look down" at myself from above and can see what I'm doing and I've never expected too much from internet forums other than some way of trying to connect with people because I just enjoy doing that. Lately I have been using forums as a way of pure distraction/place to rant rather than anything else.. But I too agree with Scum and protonaut.

    I also echo the idea of investing the time and care you obviously do have into something that doesn't leave you too disappointed. Something where you feel you get feedback.

    You sound like a very caring person and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I've read your posts and you sound incredibly warm and friendly. But I do think spending too much time on mental health internet forums is draining-especially in your case where you feel so obligated to help and can perhaps empathise a lot with others' pain. You are ultimately responsible for yourself (not "saving" other people, that's not your job) and for keeping yourself safe. Safety is so important. If you don't listen to yourself and your needs you're going to end up drained and most probably more ill/suicidal. Being there for people who are rude and disrespectful to you perhaps shows that you may need to take care of yourself better? (I'm sorry if I'm sounding patronising but I do hear you and I wanted to reply).

    I do know how hard it is, if for example you have any kind of social anxiety problem where interacting with people in real life is difficult, or even getting outdoors is difficult. But perhaps maybe there are a few people here that do care about you a lot (but perhaps they weren't online to show or they had their own problems going on) and you could develop some kind of meaningful connection with those rather than feeling you have to help everyone?

    The strength that goes into helping other people could be channelled into yourself. You sound like you have a lot within you that could be helpful to yourself, to protect yourself and to maybe look after yourself better. You are an important person who doesn't need to die or anything like that. Imagine all those things you say to other people, and perhaps direct it to yourself more. Maybe that would be of help..I don't know. Take care. xx
  11. MiaLovesYa!

    MiaLovesYa! Guest

    Hey Carolyn! I'll send you a message on MySpace later. Have an interview this afternoon and will be leaving soon. But just wanted you to know I love ya lots and I appreciate all the times you have been there for me. I am so lucky you've been my friends through the tough times as well as the good. I am glad I have you to talk to on MySpace and the other forums and I understand how you feel. Lots of extra big huggles!!!!

  12. I agree!!!
  13. MiaLovesYa!

    MiaLovesYa! Guest

    I agree so much with this. I spent all my time trying to help people and I should have put more into myself and once I did that I began to find my true friends and I also began to heal. I still volunteer with some things now but I make sure I put that time into me as well. I live with two people who have their own mental illnesses and it takes a lot of energy to help them as well as myself and it will eat you up unless you take time for you.

    Carolyn is such a lovely, caring person and I know she truly has put her whole heart into helping others and I hope she knows that she deserves the same love she gives out.
  14. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Hey Carolyn.I was sad to read your post but hope it helped to get some of it out.Sorry ive not been around for you or anyone much recently....not been well but will be ok [i feel like thats all i ever say to people these days sorry] but will send you a PM.i miss you a lot and am sorry you are feeling so so low and uncared for.Please let us know how you are doing again if you can?Also good to see you around Mia.Big hugs to you both.

    Take care
  15. S.C.U.M

    S.C.U.M Guest

    I've been thinking about this thread a lot today. And I wanted to tell you that I think its terrific that you know you deserve support and care, too many people on here don't believe they do. I know it can be frustrating if you think that you deserve something you are not getting, but I have found that often a rant can put peoples backs up, whereas asking for people to care, or give you some much needed tlc and attention in a different way might get better results for you. Angry rants that are from a person craving attention tend to get not a great response as opposed to asking nicely for some care which generally will get a better response and will be more gratifying and fulfilling for what you are in desperate need of right now.

    I definitely think that you need some care and attention, and I truly hope that you get what you are looking for, you definitely deserve it :)
  16. Trip the Dark fantastic

    Trip the Dark fantastic Well-Known Member

    MiaLovesYa!,I'm afraid but you're missing the point. No-one here can have a shadow of a doubt that helping others is not a noble cause and the beneficial properties it enpowers those who do help, as you so rightly observed:
    And of course, everyone who does should and hopefully will receive the love invested.

    However, the taking and giving does not follow a model of equal shares. There always will be more giving or more sharing, one way or another. Carolyn's posting of
    simply points towards the fact that she under the impression that she has given too much and received far too little for her effort. I addressed my view on this imbalance in my previous posting.

    Giving and receiving is indeed a tightrope dance but I am convinced, that a possible solution lies not in expecting the same amount (or quality or...) back as you have given, but to just give without expecting anything in return...
    I'm aware that this is a highly idealistic concept, but ultimately it simply makes sense and is a way out of being disappointed and hurt.

    We continuously expect something in return for our input, we even raise our expectation and when these expectations are not fulfilled to our standard, to our liking we are utterly disappointed. So, my preferred approach is trying to just give -very idealistically, I know. More than often I don't succeed, it is a learning process in motion and the best I can hope for is, not being as bitterly disappointed as Carolyn seems to be right now.

    You make a fair point of highlighting the principle of helping -how it does make you a better person, how a balance benefits you and your friends. However, the matter of balance must also be applied to the concept of expectations raised based on your input, their fulfillment and/or letdown if it simply didn't happen the way you thought it would.

    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 2, 2007
  17. Carolyn/Caz

    Carolyn/Caz Guest

    I don't even know why I looked back here, but to clear things up I wasn't reffering to expecting others to support me as much as I've supported them, and i'm not saying no-ones ever supported me, as you've reffered, Angry. I was saying when someone applies as much as I have, you'd think people would care enough to respond to a post made after they leave clearly saying they are really struggling and it'd be extremely helpful to show someone you care or support her, when I think to myself if I saw that about someone else naturally i'd think Well atleast tell them to take care, you would think if people care in that position after they'd given so much you would atleast show them you care or even you matter in the smallest way. I feel very unappreciated. I'm sorry you all seem to see me caring for others as a bad hing, hey, maybe it is, I don't know. I'm sorry I was upset as I was told before permanently leaving I should express the feelings I was feeling that made me want to cut myself to ribbons. I'm currently going through alot, and I feel like no-one cares or ever could, and that nothing I have ever done or ever do matters how hard I try and it hurts me. The dark thoughts are trying to wreck havvoc on me, oh well. I'm sorry everyone, i'm sorry for existing, wasting space, time...

    (Thanks for caring and being supportive, Sarah, Mia, and Scum, take care, I love you, remember that)
  18. S.C.U.M

    S.C.U.M Guest

    Don't be sorry. Keep reaching out, keep talking, if not here then with people on msn, or e-mail, or anywhere.

    Do you want to tell us why you feel so alone? What is making you feel the need to cut yourself so much? Do you want to talk about what you are going through?

    Maybe you looked back because you didn't mean the full angryness of it and maybe you were just giving a desperate shout out for help? or maybe to test whether people did actually care or not? maybe you looked back to see if anyone had cared enough to reply?

    Whatever the reason, you did check, and now, if you want, you can start talking :)
  19. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    No,no,no hun!!!!Expressing feelings is part of what SF is hun [in my opinion].Please continue.

    Just watch out for those of us who at times can get defensive too......

    im sorry i didnt realise you had left hun.i miss you a lot though.i would like you to come back but you have to do what is right for you and though i miss you a lot i would not want you to come back if it would be of detriment to you.i do miss you though.You did give me an awful lot and i will never say different cos you did.i thank you for that and sorry i havent given you much in return hun.

    Asi say i didnt realise you had left.Just sent you a PM.You wont get it now but its pretty useless anyway.Sorry.
  20. Trip the Dark fantastic

    Trip the Dark fantastic Well-Known Member

    Well, time to leave the analysis paralysis and just do what empathy is demanding.

    Carolyn/Caz, I'm sorry should my posting have misinterpreted you and your concerns. Kindly receive my genuine support and gratefulness for your honest posting. Admitting your pain and hurt is a brave thing to do, and I greatly admire that quality.

    Luck and love from me. :cloud9:
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