Something i wonder...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by touglytobeloved, Jun 23, 2009.

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  1. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    What is actually depression? Im asking for depression as mental illness.
    I know its some chemical imbalance in brain, but i dont know if i have depression or not.
    So, i do have some symptoms of depression, like sadnes, suicidal thought and plans, thinking about death, low selfesteem, i dont comunicate with people a lot, i avoid job, or some other activities etc...
    But the reason for this is my bad health, then my ugliness, then failure in life. So yes, im sad and suicidal because of this. I dont comunicate with people, but only because they are avoiding me, im not avoiding them. sometimes when i have a chance to go out with them, i will avoid that, but only because i know they dont like me to go, because i think a friend will call you few times a week, not once a year. so why to go once a year and then to remember waht im missing the rest of the year? I do avoid job, as i have earned enough money for me, and i dont need to work, also, when i feel low, i have moments when i dont want to do anything, and i dont need to earn money, when i will be alone for the rest of my life. I do not have many activities in my life, because i really love to do lots things, but i cant because of my disability. I love mountains, trees, biking, basketball, but i cant have anything of that. I love talking with people, bit i dont have any comon subjects with most of them. I love girls, relationships, sex, but they dont love me. I love friends, but they avoid me. I love to go out, but not if its without purpose, just to go and get drunk and come home alone. Plus, as i said before, i dot have friends to go out with, my friends have other friends more important then me.
    So, i do have lots symptoms, but they are not up to me, i cant make them change.
    My question here is, am i depressed (depression as illness), or im just sad? Is there any diference there? Is the sadness or depression caused by real unsolvable problems mental illness?
    Dont say that all this is in my head, i want to decide about that. Im asking you, if all this i have mentioned above is real, not just in my heAD, all my problems (health, ugliness, the behavior of the people around me, all that) are real, then, is my diagnose depression (as mental illness), because the reasons for my mental condition are REAL.
  2. reefer madness

    reefer madness Account Closed

    If you want a proper diagnosis you should see a doctor.
  3. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    I cant see a doctor, i dont want to see a doctor, mostly because im afraid they might keep me there for my 'safety' because im suicidal, and also, even if i decide to go to the doctor, that wont be someone from my town, but somewhere where noone knows me.

    Thats why i want to hear opinions from people here, some have experience with doctors, some have read about depression, so they might know.

    Once again, i want to enjoy the life, i love all nice things in life, i am interested in living nice , adventuristic life and want to be happy, but life and problems are now alowing me, is that depression?
  4. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    I am not an expert but I have several family members who suffer from "clinical depression" and are on medication for it. Some of the issues you mention are similar.

    You have listed a lot of information and as you do not want to see a doctor (or one in your hometown) I think you should look it up on the internet. CHeck out a couple of different sites and you should get a pretty good idea. Try and stay away from the sites that advertise a specific medication as they may be run by a company that dispenses that med.
  5. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    It sounds very possible to me that you do have depression but i'm no doctor, and only an authorised doctor could make this diagnosis. However you could try some virtual doctor sites, google them, and see if they have any information on depression and how to alleviate it. You say one of the reasons you're scared to go to the doctors is because you're worried they'll keep you for suicidal don't necessarily have to mention this to them, just a thought. Stay safe :hug:
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    One of my diagnosis is suicidal ideation..I talk to my doctor about this but I also tell them that I'm not actively thinking of going thru with it.. So they haven't locked me up.. The ten times I have been in the hospital were all voluntary.. When my thoughts get that badI go in the hospital because I know I will be safe from myself..Currently I haven't been in the hospital in two years..My meds they have me on now help quite a bit..Maybe you should think about going in voluntary so they can find the right regimine of meds that help you..
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