What is actually depression? Im asking for depression as mental illness. I know its some chemical imbalance in brain, but i dont know if i have depression or not. So, i do have some symptoms of depression, like sadnes, suicidal thought and plans, thinking about death, low selfesteem, i dont comunicate with people a lot, i avoid job, or some other activities etc... But the reason for this is my bad health, then my ugliness, then failure in life. So yes, im sad and suicidal because of this. I dont comunicate with people, but only because they are avoiding me, im not avoiding them. sometimes when i have a chance to go out with them, i will avoid that, but only because i know they dont like me to go, because i think a friend will call you few times a week, not once a year. so why to go once a year and then to remember waht im missing the rest of the year? I do avoid job, as i have earned enough money for me, and i dont need to work, also, when i feel low, i have moments when i dont want to do anything, and i dont need to earn money, when i will be alone for the rest of my life. I do not have many activities in my life, because i really love to do lots things, but i cant because of my disability. I love mountains, trees, biking, basketball, but i cant have anything of that. I love talking with people, bit i dont have any comon subjects with most of them. I love girls, relationships, sex, but they dont love me. I love friends, but they avoid me. I love to go out, but not if its without purpose, just to go and get drunk and come home alone. Plus, as i said before, i dot have friends to go out with, my friends have other friends more important then me. So, i do have lots symptoms, but they are not up to me, i cant make them change. My question here is, am i depressed (depression as illness), or im just sad? Is there any diference there? Is the sadness or depression caused by real unsolvable problems mental illness? Dont say that all this is in my head, i want to decide about that. Im asking you, if all this i have mentioned above is real, not just in my heAD, all my problems (health, ugliness, the behavior of the people around me, all that) are real, then, is my diagnose depression (as mental illness), because the reasons for my mental condition are REAL.