Something I'm Having Trouble Accepting

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Astarael, Oct 11, 2009.

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  1. Astarael

    Astarael Member

    I am trying to come to terms with the fact that all things will not always get better. I know that some times, some things might get better for awhile; I may even find solutions to my current issues... But something bad is always around the corner, and that's just the hard, cold truth.

    When I think about how unbelievably bad my life has been for the past year, I want the relief of thinking it will get better, but I know that in the coming years, more really bad things are waiting for me. I am going to lose my parents, I am going to lose other relatives, I am going to lose (more) friends, I am going to lose (more) beloved pets, I may very well have my heart broken again, and again... It's incredibly hard to think about all this and stay positive or focus on the good aspects of life.

    My therapist has been trying to help me accept that I cannot stop the bad things from happening, but that I can learn to improve my situations, and learn how to cope with hard times more efficiently. She's right, and I know it, but I swear sometimes I'd rather just believe that "it will get better." The comfort of denial is such a temptation...

    Anyway, I'm trying to work on coping with loss and negative life-events in a better way; any thoughts that y'all might have on the subject are welcome, just please, please don't say "it will get better!"
  2. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    bad things are always ahead. so (allegedly) are good things. just like behind us. life sucks so bad because so many different people expect different things, off everyone. nobody can be happy with what they have because its not what they "want." all i need is food and shelter and id be fine. but throw in rent, bills, etc. and its just not worth it. we have to pay just to be alive. even if we are self sufficent we still have to fork out. society is self destructive. capitalism has destroyed not only our nation (uk) but others too. the people in charge are there for the money. anybody we vote in can stab us in the back at any time. its not life i hate. its society. sorry if this went way off track...

    the point is fuck good, fuck bad. be happy with what youve got, youve got to fight for it and to get it, so if you waste it, abuse it or whatever its your fault. and if that makes you miserable, tough. thats what you get. i want the basics im entitled to. anything else im grateful for. whether its good or bad its mine. i'll deal with it in my own way, and any consequences are mine to bear, as are the rewards. dont be an optimist, dont be a pessimist, just be glad youve got something.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Unfortunately death is a part of living. I have seen so many people i love die
    I have dealt with such losses by helping others around me. I have focused on the pain of my twin and daughter and son mother who ever i could and kept my pain away. When i help others it helps me decrease the pain i am in.
  4. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I spend the time with those I have left, enjoying them and loving them. That is the best way to heal some of the pain from the past. I don't think about future pain, because if I did, I wouldn't be able to spend quality time today with my love ones.
  5. Astarael

    Astarael Member

    Yes, Rob, I aware that desire is the root of all suffering, however, desiring something doesn't categorically make me wrong, stupid, or doomed; it makes me human. Virtually every school of thought agrees that in addition to a person's biological needs, such as air and food, there also exist basic emotional needs, such as love, affection, and a sense of belonging. These aren't trivial desires - they are *necessary* for survival. I am not ungrateful for the things I have, but I also want a certain level of emotional stability, and it is absolutely acceptable for me to desire that.

    Violet and Vivian, thank you for the helpful suggestions. Sometimes it is hard to remember simple things, such as staying in the here and now, and shifting the focus from myself to other people. The more depressed I feel, the easier it is to become self-centered... It's something I'm working on, but old habits die hard.
  6. omgpop

    omgpop Well-Known Member

    maybe it can be like alchemy's equivalent exchange....for all the bad that happens, an equal amount of good will also come
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