I was feeling down and suicidal today. I had a lie down in bed for awhile... but I had this compulsion to go to my computer. I pulled up a compose-email in gmail and started to type what was just sort of flowing into my mind. This is what happened: Nothing good will happen for you here... I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry, this was all a huge mistake. It wasn't supposed to be like this. We thought it would be fun. Just stop, ok?There's no honor in this. No reason. It'snot going to happen.None of those things you are hoping for. It's just how it is.Just stop. It's ok, I swear. Come back to us. we love you. we miss you. you know how you have nightmares?you knowhow when you realize you're dreaming, you sometimes die and wake up?this islike that. Theres no honor or glory or goodness in staying in a dream if you don't want to be there. come home.you belong here. you have always wished you could go home. I swear I'm not crazy or delusional, I don't really believe in this or anything, nothing like this has ever happened to me before. What is this?