something so twisted

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Insignificant, Mar 31, 2007.

  1. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    i am going to just say it straight up. things are very strange for me right now. i just got out of the hospital and i'm doing alright. i've actually been in a pretty good mood, so why is it i feel like killing myself now? it's different from when i'm severly depressed too. when i'm severly down i worry about everything and everyone. this is different it's like there is no matter of concious whatsoever. it seems so easy maybe too easy. the hardest part about this whole thing is to not do it.

    does anyone find they have come across this? or does anyone have any opinions on how i should handle this? i know what i want to do but i wonder if the hospital should be considered? thanks
  2. BrooklynRider

    BrooklynRider Well-Known Member

    I'm dealing with this right now too. Things are kind of getting better for me and yet I have a very calm inner voice wanting to commit suicide. It's hard to decribe. It's not driven or desperate. It is very placid and calm. Like I've come to realize a deep secret or answer to a lifelong question. It's very unsettling. It's what brought me to this site. I can easily go and eat a ton of pills or just bleed myself. I'm kind of dazed just turning it over and over in my head. It was quite stunning, but wasn't a startling thought. It's like it bubbled up to the top. An answer - finally an answer. I'm kind of in a "Wow! This is something to think about mode." I could do it in a snap and be done. I just feel "done." I was in the psych hospital in January - followed by some surgeries in February. It erodes the resistance.
  3. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think sometimes when you're really depressed you may feel suicidal but not have the energy to actually do it. So when you start feeling better you may find the energy to do it and want to kill yourself cause you are more able to do so, even tho you're feeling better. does that make any sense?:blink:

    as for considering the hospital again... I'd at least let my Pdoc/therapist/counselor know how you're feeling. Please take care of yourself!

    love, your friend,:hug: :hug:

  4. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    i've decided i'm going to try to get through work tomorrow then i'm gonna call crisis because honestly this is just becoming too overwhelming. just so damn strange feeling
  5. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    Liz, it was great talking to you today. I think when you're feeling better you'll have more of an understanding as to why these thoughts are coming to you. I really look up to you. Be safe.