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something that i hate

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If someone wouldn't want help, then he or she wouldn't post here. I hate it when someone threatens to suicide but says he or she doesn't want help, and acts all like " just leave me alone " but keep coming here and posting. It can be triggering, that is all i can say. He or she forgets that there are other people here who are suicidal, who are easily triggered.
I don't know if i made any sense. Sorry. It makes sense for me.


When someone says that he or she wants to suicide and then when someone else tries to help, he or she says things like leave me alone and i don't want help and stuff, it is very triggering, it gives you the feeling that there is nothing you can do, and you get all panicked, not knowing what to do, and feel quilty that you can't find a way to help. I am not saying that one shouldn't reach out for help if feels like suiciding, if he or she is in crisis, NOT AT ALL. But there are people who keep doing this to the others, and it is obvious that they want help, otherwise they wouldn't share i quess, so why hurt the others?? Or maybe they just want attention - well THAT IS JUST CRUEL.
I am sorry, it didn't happened to me recently, but something reminded me of how it is, and i needed to get it off my chest.
Sorry if i offended anyone, i hope noone missunderstood, i am not good in expressing myself.


Staff Alumni
You haven't offended me. I can relate to and understand the feelings of uselesness when someone reaches out for help to you, is truly in crisis and needs something from you, but when you try to give it to them they reject it or ask you to leave them alone.

I guess asking and accepting help for people who are suffering from depression, is difficult. Many have been hurt before in the past, e.g. not taken seriously or not listened to. While a person may truly want and need help, maybe they don't know how to go about getting it, so even if you said 'how can i help?'.. chances are they don't know HOW you could help... i know i often do that! I ask for help.. but i dont know what would actually help me in that moment! I'm sure it is very frustrating for the people who i talk to.. but i dont mean to put them in a bad situation. As i'm sure most wouldn't intentionally trigger people or make them feel useless..

I'm sorry that this triggers you though, i do hope that you're able to stay safe yourself. Please try to remember that we're all responsible for ourselves, so if you don't feel able to help or support someone, take a step back. You won't be any good to anyone if you're emotionally drained yourself.



Jenny said:
As i'm sure most wouldn't intentionally trigger people or make them feel useless..
I am sure of that too.
It's just that some people do stuff in a very agressive manner, like send you a message that they will suicide and then not answer back to yours, and then you stay like on needles thinking what he or she is doing, imagining the worse. And then after some time give a sign, but untill then leave you there to despair.

Oh well I quess I am too dramatic. LOL


SF Friend
Staff Alumni
Dear Alphabet;:smile:

I can understand your frustration also, tho as I'm seriously depressed and such myself, can also understand why/how someone could do that (threaten suicide/want, but also NOT want, help)

When I'm really really down in the dumps, I don't feel like I deserve kind loving treatment, even tho I really need/want it, so I'm sitting on both sides of the fence at one time... confusing, but understandable also.



Yes i understand that, i feel like that too a lot. I quess it depends on the personality, but most of the times in these cases i don't seek help, i don't speak of my feelings. Sometimes it happens to me too tho, i admit, i tell someone how bad i feel and then when he or she tries to help i say drop it or something like that.
But i would never leave someone like that, knowing that he or she is not well either, and he or she might hurt himself or herself in some way because he or she can't deal with it.

lol me trying to be as general as possible ... sorry if all the " he or she" s are annoying.
I quess i had a bad experience and i am being too dramatic. Or i am too sensitive. Dunno.


Staff Alumni
I don't think you're being too sensitive. I think you've had a bad experience and are expressing how it's effected you.. you have a right to do that and you're not offending anyone :)

And i do agree with what you're saying.. it's not really fair for people to send a crisis message then leave you hanging, sometimes for days, wondering whether they're alive or not. I understand sometimes the person isn't able (physically or emotionally) to get online.. but if it is possible for them to at let you know that they're alive, it would be better than nothing eh.

I have come to the conclusion, that messages like that are wishes for control, for someone to worry about and think about the person who has sent the message...the person who does this is in such a primitive state that they usually do not think about the impact of this action on the other...that does not excuse their behavior, it is just intended to give a context to it...usually, this is not a malice act, but one of desparation...not knowing how else to connect at a time when the person has no footing...yes, it leave the other in an anxious and worried state, but the person who has sent the message usually cannot see the caring that is there for him/her...if s/he could s/he would not have to send the message...but it is truly a good lesson, but difficult lesson to learn, that we have an obligation to the feelings of the other person ... thanks for airing this concern...it is something I have also struggled with...big hugs, Jackie


It depends on the situation. Some self-loathe to a point where they try and kindly reject help, because they feel it's unworthy.

Then there are a few...very few, who make a game out of it. I know Badger got mad at me one time, but I actually had no intention of saying 'I'm too good' for their help. I really felt like I didn't deserve it, and was being humble to a highest extent. Whether that annoys people or not, it's difficult to say.

But, there's a fine line, let's just not jump to conclusions that anyone who rejects help at first try, is this sort of person. Sometimes people need someone strong to keep trying, so they can heal.
i really understand what u r saying... this has happened to me so many times.. i myself keep quiet when i am su.. i rarely share... but i have come to just learn how to let go... i let go of the anxiety and helplessness i feel when i cant help someone... i and you .. all of us.. can only offer the help.. if it is not taken ... we have to learn to accept that we have done our best.. and hope that this person finds what they need .. to stay alive.. to accept what is offered... to heal...
The thing I am disheartened by is not someone rejecting help...it takes a good deal of bravery to accept help at the time when one feels most vunerable, and at those times, I am honored to be accepted...what I was referring to were the times when I receive a message from someone that they are indeed having difficulty, and I am left worrying how the person is...I thought I would clarify my previous post...please stay safe all and know that each person contributes to the wonderful fabric of this forum...big hugs, Jackie


Basically rejecting help was not what made me post this either.
But that experience when someone tells you s/he is going to hurt himself or herself and leaves you to worry your heart out for them.
And I quess I overgeneralized the whole thing to someone not accepting help. Sorry about that. There are cases tho when this whole posting suicidal intentions and then treating replies with anger and almost attacking rejection is triggering. But I won't get into that, I really don't want anyone to think I am talking about them, when I am not.


allofme said:
but i have come to just learn how to let go... i let go of the anxiety and helplessness i feel when i cant help someone.
I hope I will get there too some day...


Convergence said:
But, there's a fine line, let's just not jump to conclusions that anyone who rejects help at first try, is this sort of person. Sometimes people need someone strong to keep trying, so they can heal.
I didn't say that anyone who rejects help is that kindof a person, sorry if I overgeneralized, I didn't mean to. I am not good in expressing myself, but that was not what I ment.
I hope I didn't offend you. :hug:

Asher said:
If you need anything, PM me, alright?
Hey thanks for the offer, I might take you up on that!
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