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something that just dawned on me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by twistedwhispers, May 2, 2010.

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  1. twistedwhispers

    twistedwhispers Member & Antiquities Friend

    I hate not wanting to live. I hate feeling so utterly alone that I
    feel if it keeps up, I will go insane.

    I want my friends to care about me. To reach out to me.
    When they do, I tend to push them away. How messed up is that?

    The bottom line is no matter what anyone says to me, no matter how much people might care and love me, nothing will change my "chemically challenged" brain. Nothing.

    Now, I also have a "real" threat to my life. Financially. My debt has become too high and I have used all my previous resources (401K loans)

    Can you imagine what it feels like being on medication that only works enough to help you function? That's what mine does. I have to take more and more of my anxiety meds just to stop from crying. It's doesn't look good doing that at work.

    Sorry for the rambling rant. Just needed to get some stuff out.
  2. minime

    minime Well-Known Member

    hi, i really don't know what to say. i am not good with dealing with pain and heartbreak. i mask everything with humor even if i am dying inside.

    i visited your blog. it is inspiring that you hang on to prayers and run to God when life is overwhelming. i used to have an anonymous blog but people made fun of it so i can't even have the relief from journaling now. bad people took the little relief i could get out of this life.

    hugs, sweetie.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope you can get help to get your chemical brain healthy again I hope you can get the medication necessary to make you feel better. I am glad you reach out here but talk to your pdoc and tell him things aren't right and you need to swithch up meds a bit take care
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree with violet that your meds need to be changed if they aren't helping.. They are hard to find the right combination that works for you..After ten long years they have finally come up with a combination that works for me..I still have other mental health issues that I am working with a therapist to conquer.. The meds aren't helping in those circumstances..The one thing I won't do is give up.. I have been fighting this for too long to stop now..See your pdoc and let him/her know whats going on..They may want you to go inpatient for a week or two just to get you stable..Nothing to be afriad of.. They are safe..I hope things work out for you!!
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